8 Simple Rules

(Kerry's voice-over in her video): Bridget also uses her wit and charm for dealing with our city's finest. Bridget: Officer, before you say anything, I know I missed that red light, but I got these new blue colored contacts cause I'm a total kabuki face in the winter. In the summer my skin is totally tawny, and not like that fake tan stuff Amanda uses, total oompa loompa. But hello it's winter, and one of my blue contacts slipped right before I got to the intersection. So even though it was a red light for everybody else, for me it was totally not. Officer: (Puzzled) Drive safely miss.

(After seeing Bridget dancing around on Kerry's tape) Paul: Oh god, I shouldn't have seen that, I'm the father.

Kerry: My life is over! And nobody cares! Why should they? I'm just the middle child, eternally ignored! Paul: (On his laptop) And...save. What's wrong Kerry?

Bridget: I'm not going to school, dad. Paul: Honey, you know deep down no one is going to care what you look like. Bridget: What high school did you go to? You saw Kerry's video. I'm shallow. I get by on my looks. I can't go to school like this. Paul: A broken nose is not a good reason to miss school, to avoid life. Bridget, you know beauty is only skin deep and so what if some of the kids make fun of you. Bridget: But I'm not used to it, like Kerry.

Paul: We can let [Bridget] stay home a couple of days. What's the harm? Cate: Paul, and I say this from a loving place— Paul: I hate the loving place. I'm always wrong in the loving place. Cate: What message do you think you're sending Bridget if you let her stay home from school? Paul: Her father loves her more than her mother.

Cate: How was tennis? Rory: Boring. Bridget: Daddy broke my nose. Rory: Oh yeah that.

Paul: Bridget, for your punishment, you will be in Kerry's video. Rory: (sarcastically) Yeah. Make her the center of attention. That'll teach her.

(Bridget is putting on make-up in Kerry's video) Rory: Look at all that stuff. Bridget, do you even have a face?

Bridget: No one will ever love me! I'm going to die alone like Kerry! Kerry: What? (she shows the part of the tape where Bridget gets hit again and everyone screams)

(about Bridget wanting to be deep, not shallow) Paul: Okay, let me inspire you. Some people scoop the ice cream and some people just watch the ice cream being scooped. Bridget: Okay, I'll try. Cate: Off of that?

Paul: After a long discussion, your mom and I have come to a decision. Kerry: I want to live with mom! Rory: I want to live with dad! Bridget: I want to get an apartment! But please call before you come, don't just show up.

Paul: A 58 minute shower? Bridget, do you have any idea what our water bill is? Bridget: You have to pay for water? I thought you get it free when you buy the house.

Kerry: Don't you understand my project is due in less than one week and all I've got so far is Bridget's butt. Paul: Well why don't you do your video on Bridget? You've already got the end. Paul: Why don't you do your project on Bridget? You already got the end! (Rory and Paul start laughing) Rory: That's why you're the dad! Paul: That's my main man! Rory: (seriously) Can I get a monkey? Rory: No! I am not having the momeky conversation again! (Rory is about to say something but Paul cuts him off) Paul: And no, they do not start paying for themselves after a year.

Paul: Aw, look at Bridget. Talking to that guy, laughing with that guy. Leaving with that guy...who's that GUY!? Bridget GET BACK HERE!!

Paul: Can't you just tape whatever it was again? Kerry: Sure. I'll just ask God to make that meteor shower again. It's only visible once every 60 years but, I'm sure He'll make an exception, you know, for Bridget's butt. Paul: So we're good?

Paul: Cate? Cate: Oh come on, Paul, I made breakfast. And the kids.

Bridget: Why are you picking on the beautiful? What is this, the Crusades again? Kerry: That's not what the Crusades where about. Bridget: Then what am I thinking of? Kerry: Cocoa. Bridget: Oh yah.

Rory: Uh oh! Bride of Chucky's after Barbie!

(Rory comes down wearing a helmet and holding a racket) Rory: (hitting his helmet with the racket) Come on, Dad! Are you ready to go play some extreme tennis? Paul: That's not funny! Cate: Well it's a little funny.

Cate: Can you just fast foward to the part where you disfigured my baby? Bridget: (gasping) Disfigured?!?

Bridget: Anybody who sees this will think I'm shallow. (Cate, Paul and Rory are looking down and being silent) Bridget: (repeating) Anybody who sees this will think I'm shallow. (more silence) Bridget: Oh my God! you all think I'm shallow! Rory: Well we're not looking at our shoes for scuff marks. Paul & Cate: Rory! Rory: I'm sorry. I'll go upstairs and take a good look at my self...in the mirror, and see what my butt looks like when I'm dancing!

Bridget: I'm going to need a really short skirt. Paul: Attagirl! How short?

Kerry: This last second twist will make my film so much better. Beauty then the beast.

Paul: Do you want some french toast? Bridget: No. Paul: Waffles? Bridget: No. Paul: A car? Bridget: Okay.

Kerry: I have footage of you. Bridget: I don't care. Kerry: In that mask. Bridget: I don't care. Kerry: On the toilet. Bridget: Oh my god! Paul: Kerry! Privacy please! Kerry: (laughing) That's what she said!

Bridget (On Kerry's video): Brandon, I will like you forever... as just a friend.

Cate: Paul, and I say this from a loving place. Paul: I hate the loving place. I'm always wrong in the loving place. Cate: What message do you think you're sending to Bridget if you let her stay home from school? Paul: Her father loves her more than her mother?

Cate: It really was [a great movie] Paul: (trying to get a recognition for the idea)...Thanks too? Cate: Kerry Paul: (still trying)...and who's her father? Cate: Why? What have you heard?

Paul: Look at my new hot pants...

Paul: Kerry, I need to talk to Bridget. Kerry: Alright, but I have to warn you, it's a little muffled!

Cate: How was tennis? Rory: Boring. Bridget: (walking in with a mask on) Daddy broke my nose! (Cate gives Rory a shocked look) Rory: Oh, yeah... Cate: Oh my God!

Rory: (making fun of Bridget's mask) Hello, Clarice...