8 Simple Rules Season 1 Episode 11

Cate: You be nice to your dad today, he's got a lot going on at work.
Kerry: Dad's the problem. He won't even let our boyfriends come over for Thanksgiving dinner!
Bridget: Yeah, and like Dad's always telling us to feed the homeless. We don't even know them!

Paul enters holding his daughters boyfriends by the scruff of the neck
Paul: Cate, Cate look what I found out in our yard.
Bridget:: Put them down.
Kerry: Dad, your hurting Jason.
Paul: I told you if you feed them you'll never get rid of them…goodbye now
throws them out
Cate: Is that why you bought them in here so you could kick them out?
Paul: Ahh Yeah.

Kerry: Jason, have you met Kyle? Kyle, Jason?
Jason: Oh yeah, I think you shoved me into a locker at school? (Holds out his hand)
Kyle: Oh yeah, what's up? (Kyle and Jason shake hands and pound fists)

Paul: Bridget what were you two doing in the basement?!
Kyle: Oh relax Papa H we were just playing ping pong.
Paul: We got rid of that ping pong table a month ago.
Kyle: Oh well it was kind of hard to see with the lights of.
Bridget: Why are you getting all bent, Dad? Kyle and I were downstairs which according to the dictionary look it up is downstairs, it's a fact so no rule breakage! I need lip gloss.

(Paul is asking the boys why they aren't at home for thanksgiving)
Rory: Hey Dad, you forgot Kyle!
Paul: Thank you Rory.

Jason: Don't worry we can leave, Papa H. See, it just sounds stupid coming from me!

Paul: Oh God I am a..a...
Kerry: Say it.
Paul: Psycho dad.
Kerry: Cool! Say it again.

Nick: My experience tells me that all boys are after one thing...
Rory: Their skateboards?

Cate: I'm not in the mood for this, your dad had me up half the night.
Kerry and Bridget: Ew!
Cate: He had me tossing and turning.
Kerry and Bridget: EW!
Cate: He couldn't sleep.
Kerry and Bridget: Ohhh...

Jenna: Can I go to the mall?
Nick: No, you're grounded.
Jenna: For what?!
Nick: For going to the mall!

Paul: Beach, Care Bear, we always do pancakes and parade in our pj's. You know only things that start with p's.
Kerry: Like p-sycho dad?

Cate: Is that why you brought [Kyle and Jason] in here? To kick them out?
Paul: Yeah.

Paul: How many [teenage daughters]?
Nick: Four.
Paul: Four? I only have two, but it feels like four, so you have eight!

Paul: I just figured if I walked around the store, I would remember the important things.
Cate: Like a nutcracker?

Cate: Where are the eggs?
Paul: Oh...eggs...
Cate: Paul, how could you forget the eggs? It was on the list.
Paul: Oh...list...

Kerry: Nana!
Rory: Grandpa!
Bridget: Presents!

Paul: The king is taking back his castle!
Kate: Uh, sire, prithee a word?

Cate: Where are the girls?
Rory: I think I saw them go upstairs, into their bedroom with Jason and Kyle, could be mistaken.
Paul: Kerry! Bridget! Get down here!
Cate: So you actually wait until they are in their rooms to rat them out?
Rory: Yeah.

Paul: So Kyle, how is school?
Kyle: Pass.

Kerry: Dad's mad at the boy for a change!
Cate: Kerry stop that! Although I should get a camera.

Nick: I don't know about any skateboard that you or any other boy I catch with my daughters left here. I also don't know anything about a scooter, a few bicylces or a Honda Civic 1978 in mint condition.

Rory: This isn't my skateboard. My skateboard's all beat up and...yah this one's mine thanks.
Paul: Well that was nice of you.
Nick: Yeah, well I found out that Katie was the one who initiated the kiss. Katie my (whispers) baby.
Paul: Well at least your baby was honest with you.
Nick: No, her sister ratted her out.

Cate: Did you get the whipped cream for the pumpkin pie?
Paul: Uh yeah.
Cate: Did you get the pie?
Paul: None of your business.

Paul: You're the psycho dad!

Paul: What happened to the no boys upstairs rule?
Kerry: I waived it for Jason.

Paul: Rory was caught kissing my boss's daughter.
Bridget: I am having the best day ever.
Rory: I didn't kiss her. She kissed me.
Kerry and Bridget: Ew!
Rory: I didn't even like it!
Kerry: Told you!
Bridget: I knew it!

Bridget: Get him dad! Ground him.
Kerry: Yeah, tell him you didn't teach him to act like this.
Bridget: Make him put on a different top!

Cate: Hey, honey. So you ready for your breakfast meeting with your new editor?
Paul: If by ready you mean panic-stricken with writer's block, yeah I'm ready.
Cate: Aw, good for you.
Paul: You don't listen to me, do you?
Cate: Aw, love you too.

Paul: So, Kyle... How's School?
Kyle: Pass
Bridget: You can't pass on a question!
Kyle: I'm not good at school...maybe the next question will be about sports.
Paul: Okay...Jason, do you like sports?
Jason: Could I have the school question?

Bridget: Daddy, can the boys come over on Thanksgiving?
Paul: No
Bridget: Okay, can they come over on Thursday?

Paul: OK, I guess to make it fair. Kyle, why are you here on Thanksgiving?
Kyle: Umm...to tell the truth, we usually don't have a Thanksgiving Dinner.
Paul: (to Cate) Well, it is an over rated Holiday...
Cate: (in a low voice) Paul...
Paul: OK, I guess you can stay.
(The girls cheer!)
Paul: Kyle, I've known your dad for years and I'm surprised you guys don't have a Thanksgiving Dinner.
Kyle: Well my Mom usually serves the turkey around 2. It's more like lunch.