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Paul Hennessy (seasons 1-2)
Cate Egan Hennessy
Rory's full name is Rory Joseph Hennessy.
Kerry: (to Rory) How do you know Sabrina even likes you?
Rory: Well, Patches stole a note from Megan, who got it from Lacey, who was passing it to Katie, and it said Sabrina called me "hottie with a body," which is a good thing, so it's pretty much a lock.
Kerry: Oh my god, you've turned into Bridget.
Bridget and Rory: What-ever!
(Kerry gets a better grade on her aptitude test than she thought)
Bridget: So what'd I get?
Cate: You got... a new Delia's catalogue!
Paul: You know how I want my sisters to date the good guys? Well, I want you to be the good guy.
Rory: You want me to date my sisters?
Kerry: This ain't over.
Bridget: Just do what I do and sneak out.
Kerry: Oh come on! Don't do that or you'll be in even worse trouble!
Bridget: Oh come on, who are you going to listen to, her or the smart one?
Kerry: Oh please, you were bound to do well eventually if you gave a thousand monkeys a thousand tests...
Bridget: Ah! That would be one test per monkey.
Cate: This is outstanding! I can't remember the last time you made the refrigerator door!
Kerry: I can, it was in 2nd grade when she drew a six legged dog.
Paul: I'm with Bridget on this one, I don't place much stock in standardized tests.
Cate: Well, that's because you didn't do well.
Paul: I HAD PINK EYE!
Bridget: What is aptitude anyway?
Kerry: Talent, skill and ability for learning.
Bridget: Oh, got that question wrong.
Cate: Hey girls, get over here, you got mail.
(Both goes over to computer)
Cate: Paper mail?
Paul: I could show you how to open it.
Rory: Hey dad, how do I look?
Paul: Like a very nice young man.
Rory: Oh man, now I gotta go change.
Paul: Do you think a lot of [kids] are, you know, sexually active?
Bridget: Define sexually active.
Kerry: (to Bridget) Do you want to be homeschooled?
Cate: (to Paul) You're chuckling a lot for a guy who's reading The History of the Cosa Nostra.
Tommy: Whoa little Hennessey. What do you say? You going to invite me in?
Rory: I can't. My mom hates you and doesn't want you in our house.
Tommy: Is that so? Her car's not here. Move it.
(Rory wants to go on a group date)
Bridget: Let's just say by some freak chance [Sabrina's] not using you to make a cooler guy jealous or win a bet by dating uberdork, dad's never going to let you go.
Rory: But it's with a group.
Kerry: Dad didn't let me group date when I was your age.
Bridget: Oh but in fairness, you had to be part of a group.
Kerry: I had friends.
Bridget: Yeah, they were one foot tall and stuffed.
Bridget: I should start wearing glasses and put my hair up because I'm smart and hot.
Rory: What did I do?
Paul: What didn't you do? You were insulting Sabrina the entire car ride home and you just called her punk. Why?
Rory: She doesn't like buttface.
Rory: You want me to go out with my sisters?? EWWWW!!!!
Bridget: Okay, okay, we'll help you. Shut the dork! (laughing)
Rory: Don't worry dad. I think I know how to treat (deep voice) the ladies.
Paul: (deep voice) The ladies. (regular voice) What are you, Dean Martin?
Kerry: Oh, my god, you've turned into Bridget
Bridget and Rory: Whatever!
Paul: Rory, I was gonna say something to you in the car, but I didn't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.
Kerry: Favorite child!
Bridget: Yeah, when does that matter?
Kerry: Yeah, like you can learn how to kiss by reading a magazine.
Bridget: Well, it beats getting mirror burn.
Kerry: Shut up!
Kerry: Rory's going on a date, Bridget's smarter.(slaps herself) Wake up, wake up, wake up.
Bridget and Kerry: Rory's got a girlfriend, Rory's got a girlfriend.
Rory: I do not.
Rory: There's this friend of mine called...
Rory: No, and he lives...
Kerry: Down the hall from us?
Rory: I don't want to tell Dad cause he'll go "Awwwwwww"
Bridget and Kerry: Awwwwwwwwwww
Paul: I know, lo and behold...
Cate: Is this going to be like the time you said "vis a vis" for six months?
Kerry: He's letting Rory get away with murder because he's the boy. Meanwhile, the three of us women are stuck in the kitchen.
Cate: Yeah, but only one of us is actually doing anything.
Paul: Beach, that's exactly what I wanted to hear.
Bridget: I know.
Paul: Did you see the way she was dressed? What was I thinking? I wanna keep my girls in a convent and here I am giving Rory permission for shore leave.
Billy Aaron Brown does not appear in this episode
For this first 13 episodes, the show won the 2003 People's Choice Award for Favorite Television New Comedy Series. Plus, the production team was nominated for the 2003 BAFTA Children's Award for Best International.
At the end of this episodes theme song, Rory gestures to the camera to go away before shutting the door.
Re-aired: Tuesday, June 10 at 8:30 p.m. E/P on ABC
Script Code: R-140
Tape Date: Friday, November 8, 2002
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