Bridget: I'm going to prove to you I can have a long distance monogamous relationship with my virgin boyfriend just to spite you.
Maggie: Just an observation. One book store is going out of business but all five cheese stores have lines.
Bridget: Just because a sailor takes me to a hotel you guys jump right to the worst thing.
Cate: A good soak always makes me feel like a new woman.
Maggie: Ted found a new woman.
Cate: What I meant was when I take a bath I'm always a nude woman.
Maggie: I found Ted with a nude woman.
Cate: You have no idea what it's like to have such a moody condescending sister.
Bridget: Ah hello I share a room with Wednesday Adams.
(Door bell rings)
Paul: Bridget, Can you get that?
Bridget: Can't. I'm focusing all my energy into attracting Donny Doyle into my love force field.
Cate: Maggie's all settled in Rory's room.
Paul: Rory's? That's the most uncomfortable bed in the house.
Cate: (Giggling) Yeah.
Cate: Awww! It's Donny Doyle! He's under Bridget's window. He's serenading her.
Paul: (takes off shoe) I'm on it.
Paul: Cate he's conning us! Those serenading mid-shipmen virgins are all liars.
Paul: Why don't you call up some friends? Go to a casino or something?
Maggie: Well, I don't know, I don't really believe in gambling, I'm unlucky.
Paul: You've got Ted's credit cards.
Maggie: ...and I'm unlucky!!
Paul: What do you like to do for fun, Maggie?
Maggie: Well, lately, I've been using Ted's personal information to destroy his credit!
This is the first season finale for the series (first-part).
Tape Date: Friday, April 4, 2003
This is the first of a two-part episode.
The episode title refers to the 1982 film An Officer and a Gentleman.