8 Simple Rules

Cate: (In a deep voice) Paul? Paul: Satan?

(Bridget gets a water bra) Bridget: I am like so back on top with these things! (Bridget names her boobs) Hello, Mary Kate! Hello, Ashley! Rory: Talk about a "Full House."

Paul: (about the pregnancy test) Kerry, Bridget...Beach, Care Bear... Cate: (hesitantly) Paul... it's mine.

(calling Cate's cell phone which she left at home) Paul: Come on pick up... Rory: Hello? Paul: RORY GET OFF THE PHONE!!! Rory: What happened to hugging me?!

Bridget: Being pinned isn't what I thought it would be. I'm lonely and I have two holes in my favorite dress.

Bridget: I've made my bed, now I have to let sleeping dogs lie in it.

Kerry: What are you doing?! You have a boyfriend. Bridget: Oh, he's somewhere in Maryland doing pushups. Kerry: Yeah, but that doesn't mean you can hit on Kyle. You can't have your cake and eat it too. Bridget: I was just flirting! Besides, Kyle's like a "crash test dummy."

Bridget: Isn't that shirt a bit trashy and revealing. Kerry: You have one just like it. Bridget: Mine's blue.

Paul: I just got off the phone with Carter Tibbits, NASCAR legend. I'm writing his book, so no big deal. (Kyle and Rory ignore him and continue playing video games) Riveted I see. Ummm, we're having a disagreement. Now tell me, does this paragraph "suck" to you? "My diaper was a checkered flag. My bottle, a can of 50 weight oil and..." Oh it does suck!

Kerry: Oh my God mom! She's gone to the blond side! Now there's two of them! Cate: I'm happy for her, I'm happy. Kerry: Oh, mom, look at me. You're the sensitive one. You're smart and you have inner beauty and sooner or later, people are going to realize what they've been missing! (Cate just stares) Sucks, doesn't it.

Kerry: Aunt Maggie, tell us about your weekend. Maggie: Well, I took your dad's advice and called up some old friends and they all told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. Cate: I told you that too. Maggie: Yeah, but they didn't use that tone. Paul: Don't I know that tone! It's, uh, a guy at, work. Drives me nuts!

Maggie: I decided this weekend that I was going to change my attitude about everything. Cate: Oh, uh, I'm so proud of you! And I'm just...happy you're...uh...look, I'm sorry Maggie but your breasts! You are at least a cup size bigger! Paul: Try three cup sizes.

Kerry: Aunt Maggie? Bridget: Aunt Maggie? Paul: Oh girls, your aunt Maggie just looks three cup sizes bigger because she got a water bra. Kerry: We were going to ask what she was doing home so soon. Paul: Oh.

Cate: Alright, there she is, be good! Oh wait Paul, I can feel a dark cloud on the other side. This must be how it feels like when death comes a knockin'. Paul: A knockin'? Come on, I thought we were supposed to show some compassion. Cate: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul: So come on, open the door and let Saddy McSad Sad in.

Paul: I can't say I'm entirely unhappy that Mr. favorite son-in-law couldn't seem to make his marriage work while second best Paul Hennessy has been able to stick it out all these years. Cate: Stick it out? Paul: Cherish! I meant cherish!

Rory: You're snooping around. Paul: No, I'm parenting. Rory: What are we parenting for? Paul: Looking for something popsicle size. Rory: Closet, top shelf, shoebox. Paul: (opens box) This is Bridget's report card. I've never seen this. Rory: Huh, that's not like a popsicle at all.

(Aunt Mary is talking her about her friends) Kerry: That sounds great Aunt Maggie. I've always wanted a group of friends to share life's heartaches with. Aunt Maggie: What are you talking about? We went shopping. Bridget: That's what I do when I get sad. Kerry: Or mad, or glad, or bad.

(Aunt Maggie is wearing a water bra, giving her ample cleavage) Cate: Gee Rory, I thought you didn't like hugs. Rory: Shh, I can hear the ocean.

Paul: DOYLE? KYLE? ... BRIDGET!