8 Simple Rules

Kyle: Hey Bridget how'd you get your parents- (sees Cate and Paul in the treehouse) You scared me I thought you were Bridget! Paul: I'm tearing this place down tomorrow.

Rory: Mom! (Holds up pumpkin he just carved for her to see) Cate: Adorable! Rory: Thanks. That's what I was going for.

Cate: Paul, give it a rest. You can't make the kids play with you. Paul: Play with me? They live in my house and don't even like me. They're not kids. They're cats.

Paul: I have it on good authority that Paul Hennessy is not dead.

Paul: Cate, our kids are impossible. Cate: I'm going back to work.

Kyle: Hey Bridget, for Erin's party I think you should wear a bikini and go as hot.

Bridget: Dad, do we really have to spend the night in that stupid treehouse again? We do it every single year. Cate: Every single year. Paul: Come on. It's our last Halloween tradition. Don't grumble, Bridget. You and Kerry won't trick or treat with me anymore so now it's just Man With Ax In Head and Little Man With Ax In Head.

Paul: Girls, let's not fight. Especially at this time of year. It's Halloween. Cate: The day our savior was what Paul, scared.

Cate: I don't know why I spend good money on these [paper skeletons]. I could just borrow an X-ray from radiology. Paul: (looking at Cate) What? Cate: All the other nurses do it.

Rory: (about to throw pumpkin guts) Oh Kerry. Kerry: Don't even think about it. Rory: Why? You don't have a boyfriend to protect you. Paul: Yes, she does. Kerry: Ewww dad!

Kerry: Okay, we know it's a big family tradition, but we don't want to stay the night in the tree house. Cate: Hey, join the club.

(telephone rings) Bridget: Kyle! Paul: Hand it over. Bridget: I'M IN HELL!

Kerry: Dad, please can I stay the night at Christina's. Paul: No, you have to be home by 11, but have a good time, Care Bear. Kerry: Don't call me "Care Bear," Paul. Paul: Did she just call me "Paul?" (Bridget nods) Paul: Okay, don't call me "Paul," missy. Kerry: Did Paul call me "Missy?" (Bridget nods) Paul: You know, I'm sensing a little attitude here. Is this about the tree house? (Bridget nods) Paul: You know what why don't you girls try to be mature for just three seconds. you're gonna sleep in the tree. Kerry: I'm gonna go to Christina's. Paul: Be home by 11. Kerry: see you later Bridget, see ya, Pa-- Paul: Don't call me Paul. Kerry: Pa-- Paul: Don't--you'll be sorry Kerry: Pa-- Paul: Don't! Kerry: Paul! Paul: Have a seat, you're grounded. Kerry: Dad! Paul: Please, call me Paul.

Paul: I'm punishing you for lying to me. Bridget: Where? What was the lie? Paul: You didn't tell me there weren't going to be any parents at Aaron's party. Bridget: OK, as I recall dad, I said "God, we know the rules," and then I rolled my eyes. Paul: It was a lie of omission. You can't go to parties where there aren't any parents. You're staying home tonight. Bridget: How is it supposed to encourage open and honest communication if I get punished every time I don't tell you something? Paul: How could you be possibly be failing three subjects?

Paul: Where's Rory? (he comes in through the back door.) Rory: It's no fun egging your own house.

Bridget: I hate Beth Doyle. She wears a scrunchie!

Little Girl: Trick or treat. I'm an angel. Paul: Yeah, you may be an angel now, but in a few years you'll be killing your father. Little Girl: Daddy!