Move over, Annie Wilson. There's a new girl in school. Kimberly McIntyre is hip, smart and totally too cool for school. She isn't impressed by earnest Annie, but she's definitely giving Mr. Matthews the eye. I'd shudder but since the girl looks to be the age of some of my grad-school classmates all I can do is shake my head. Typical 90210: why hire a 15 year old to play a teenager when you can get someone pushing 30? Anyway, smart mouth Kimberly informs Ryan that she has three piercings – but she won't say where. Ryan looks a bit stunned by her flirtatious manner and Annie just looks amazed that the new girl isn't impressed by her acerbic, Kansas wit. "There's no place like home," she jokes. All right then.
We move on to another lesson and… wait! West Beverly actually has more than one room? And even another teacher! Amazing. I was wondering when we'd see a clasroom outside of the confines of Mr. Matthew's room… what does he even teach? English? History? Whatever. Anyway, in Health (I think, anyway) the teacher is holding one of those "Baby, think it over" dolls and explaining that the students will be embarking on a family living unit. The kids will be pairing up into two's, spending a week as a married couple with a child. Wow, could this be a plot device to throw Annie and Ethan together? Yup, you guessed it. Annie and Ethan are paired together and Navid is forced to couple up with another guy, as a contemporary gay couple. How politically correct. He doesn't look too thrilled with the idea, and neither does his partner, who was hoping for a busty blonde. Pig. Ethan and Annie are definitely happier with their coupling; at least until they learn their "baby" comes with a unique wireless ID, which will track its care. Abuse it and you fail. Well, this lesson has certainly come a long way since I had to take care of an egg. Back then, if it cracked you failed. I boiled mine.
Meanwhile, Silver is passing out flyers, inviting people to attend her half-birthday party at the Hollywood Forever cemetery. Yep, you read that right: cemetery. Apparently, in Hollyweird people find it amusing to go sit on the graves of famous dead people and watch movies on the side of a mausoleum. Dixon's a little confused about the whole half-birthday concept, but Silver explains that if little kids can track milestones like being 4 ½ or 4 ¾ then so can she. Since they're dating Dixon finds it cute instead of incredibly crazy or narcissistic. Also since they're dating, he agrees to watch horror movies in a cemetery – and since he hates horror movies this is clearly a huge sacrifice. They engage in some cuteness and then up walks newly married Ethan and Annie, with their "baby" in tow.
Okay not really, but for the next week they may as well be. Dixon and Silver look a bit confused as to why Annie is lugging around a baby doll. Hey, if Silver can embrace her inner four-year-old then why can't Annie? I mean, way to judge, girl. Annie foists the baby off on Ethan, claiming that since she's bringing home the bacon as a high priced attorney, he can take the baby for a while. They giggle and flirt and generally act like hormonal teens, and then Dixon and Ethan head off to talk about whatever boys talk about when they aren't around girls. Silver teases Annie about Ethan, but Annie is quick to reassure. She and Ethan are dunzo… Not that they ever were anything to begin with.
Newly single Naomi is strutting down the hall, looking inappropriately smoking hot for someone her age. She catches sight of Adrianna sitting on a ledge putting in some eye-drops… or perhaps it's some fancy new drug you insert into your eyes. Wouldn't surprise me… alas, she's probably just hiding the side-effects of the latest drug she took. Anyway, Naomi asks Adrianna how "Mommy Dearest" is doing, and Adrianna tells her that she is "desperate to be Dina Lohan. And making me suffer for every second that she's not." So somewhere in the world, someone's life ambition is to be Dina Lohan?! Wow. Now there's a life's goal. I've officially heard everything.
Anyway, Naomi does some not-so-subtle digging, trying to find out if the rumors about Adrianna doing drugs are true. Adrianna complains that the only problem she has is Annie. Apparently, all Adrianna's problems are somehow Annie's fault, including the fact that today after school Annie is auditioning against her for a part in a movie. Of course, Adrianna conveniently leaves out the fact that Annie got her the audition in the first place. Naomi still isn't convinced that Adrianna is sober so in typical defensive strategy, Adrianna turns the tables on her. Naomi gives her the gossip: she and Ethan are over, her parents are getting a divorce, and she kinda needs her best friend right now. Adrianna feels guilty for being so self-absorbed and apologizes. They agree to meet for Pinkberry and shopping and then switch necklaces for luck. Obviously it's some odd tradition the two share, but it just seems weird to me. I mean, what if it doesn't match your outfit? Quel horreur!
Outside, Tracy and Harry are walking with a woman we've never seen before and probably never will. They're talking about a fundraiser and the whole thing seems like a set-up to get Tracy and Harry talking… because since when is Tracy the PTA type? A fashion show I can buy, a bake sale I cannot. Anyway, lo and behold it is a plot device because before I can even wonder what on Earth possessed their unidentified companion to wear that hideous outfit she's gone, and Tracy and Harry are left to talk about… what else? The baby Tracy gave up twenty or so years before. Tracy informs Harry that she plans to hire a private investigator to find their son. Because of course if Tracy can't have her hubby, she's damn well going to use their child to snuggle up to Harry. Wonder how wife Debbie is going to take this one?
Meanwhile, Annie is begging Adrianna not to kill her for stealing her role in the play. She's not ready to die! I mean, she hasn't even been to Prom yet! Oh wait - never mind. Annie is just giving her audition for the slasher movie about Beverly Hills cheerleaders and honestly, she's over-acting it just a bit. But maybe that's just me because the casting director seems to like it. Adrianna is in the bathroom practicing the same monologue as Annie, but she's doing an even worse job of it – she finally gives up and snorts some coke, lining her gums with the traces left on her fingers. Cause of course we can't waste any! Anyway, a much too excited Annie is clearly having the time of her life and is reluctant to leave the audition, until the casting director all but kicks her out. Okay she doesn't exactly put foot to butt, but she does have to tell Annie to leave now. Adrianna comes out, high as a kite, and tells them that she's ready to rock the audition. It's pretty sad that the girl has to snort coke in order to remember her lines.
Ethan and Annie are at The Peach Pit on some kind of weird pseudo-date, but since the baby is with them they can pretend it's only for school. Naomi walks up to them, and awkwardness ensues. Once she leaves, Annie tells Ethan that she doesn't believe his breakup with Naomi isn't a fake-up. After all, in the six weeks she's been in L.A., they've broken up and reunited three times. Now that's impressive. Ethan assures her it's real this time, claiming that this last time it didn't even hurt. Geez, poor Naomi.
Meanwhile, Silver is welcoming Dixon to her new place. Actually, it's Kelly's place, but since she is out of town for two weeks Silver is making herself at home. So much at home that she is actually painting one wall black. Whoa. I wouldn't want to be her when Kelly gets home. Anyway, she makes a cute little comment to Dixon about black being her favorite color and the boy positively blushes. I didn't even know black people could blush, but there is definitely some rose in those cheeks. And speaking of color, didn't anyone ever tell Silver that black isn't a color? Sheesh. Anyway, the couple engages in even more cuteness and just when Dixon thinks he is about to get seriously lucky, Silver gleefully whips out some DVDs. It's time for the horror movie initiation she promised. Too bad for Dixon cause that's so not the initiation he had in mind.
We get shown some shots of what is supposed to be Beverly Hills but is actually Santa Monica, and then we hear Tabitha telling off some pour soul. Turns out that pour soul is Debbie. A concerned Harry walks in, wondering what the H.E. double hockey stick is going on. Turns out Grandma Tabitha has been swimming naked in the pool right in front of the gardener, and Debbie takes objection to it. So does poor Mauricio, the gardener. But Tabitha is having none of it. "I'm letting my freak flag fly, and there's nothing you can do about it." Okay then.
And speaking of odd women, Harry has some fun news for his wife. He tells her about Tracy's decision to search for their birth child. Debbie is surprisingly understanding about the whole situation and encourages Harry to do what is right for him. Harry tells her he plans to put a letter on file with the adoption agency so that if their son ever wants to find him, he can. Debbie thinks that sounds reasonable. Somehow I don't think Tracy is going to agree. Anyway, they start to make out, but Harry is interrupted by a random business call. "Tomorrow? That's kind of sudden isn't it? I thought you guys were going to scope the place out first." Hmm... wonder what that's all about. But that's all we hear of the call and as he moves away we focus on Debbie, who is wearing more of a concerned expression than she showed to her husband. Of course that could just be annoyance that she and Harry were interrupted. Hey, I would be too. Rob Estes is yummy.
Meanwhile Naomi is at Adrianna's house, and Ms. Wannabe Lohan is playing hostess. She tells Naomi what a shame it is that a cute girl like her isn't trying to be an actress. Naomi just looks uncomfortable, especially when the Wannabe tells her she likes her hair better straight – it might be okay between girlfriends to offer opinions on your hair but it's just weird when it's your friends freakish mom saying it. Anyway, the Wannabe tells Naomi that Adrianna got the part in the movie so she must be out celebrating. She laughs loudly when she tells her about it, as if she landed the part herself. Talk about your stereotypical stage mother. Naomi is concerned because they were supposed to meet for "Pinkberry and shopping" and now Adrianna isn't answering her phone. The Wannabe blows her concern off, insisting that Adrianna is fine and just out celebrating. Yeah, she's celebrating all right. While Naomi worries and Wannabe Lohan makes toasts, Adrianna is sitting in a car with a bunch of druggies, getting high on something. Might be coke, might even be heroin… with that girl, it could be anything.
Night has fallen in Beverly Hills, and Silver is munching popcorn and watching movies with her honey. Well, except that her honey isn't exactly watching. Nope… the boy fell asleep. Oblivious, Silver keeps up a running commentary on the movie until she finally catches sight of his shut eyes. She throws popcorn at his nose and he starts awake stammering, "The call's coming from inside the house!" Nice one there, champ. Silver is hurt and a bit pissed that he didn't share her passion for horror movies. "Look, if I don't wanna watch one movie, what makes you think I'm going to sit through three?!" Touché. Glad to see this couple is capable of more than public canoodling and nauseating cuteness.
Dixon rushes home, fearful of being caught coming home after curfew. Grandma Tabitha catches him. "Did all the blood rush away from the part of your brain that allows you to tell time?" She tries to get all the juicy details and promises not to tell his parents. He's just starting to relax when here comes Mama Bear Wilson and to say she is pissed off is like saying a hornet is a little annoyed. She yells at him and then throws her arms around him in relief. Harry arrives to join the scolding, and Dixon insists he fell asleep watching movies with Silver. Wise dad lifts an eyebrow at that one, but Dixon assures them he wasn't doing anything "fun". Poor guy. The sound of a baby's cry interrupts Dixon's scolding and he's happy to thrust the parental attention onto Annie, who is having trouble finding the crying doll. Where does she finally find her? Under a pile of clothes in the corner of the bathroom. Jeez, and they call Jackie Taylor a bad parent! Debbie makes a lame joke, referencing Dirty Dancing, and no one but Harry laughs. Everyone else looks confused. Come on! Are they trying to make the original 90210 fans feel old?!
At school the next day, Silver invites Ryan to her birthday party at the cemetery and he agrees to go. Jeez, what kind of school is this? Since when do teachers party with the high school kids? Isn't that kind of skeazy? Whatever, it is California after all. Everyone knows that place is like whole other planet. Oh, here comes Dixon. Silver doesn't look as pleased too see him as she usually does. In fact, she was more smiley with teacher Ryan than she is her own b/f. Guess she's still annoyed by his narcoleptic incident. Dixon tells her his parents are insisting on going to Hollywood Forever that night to ensure that Dixon makes curfew. Wait, wait wait... Let me get this straight. Since moving to L.A., Annie gets caught plagiarizing, sneaks out to a party, secretly flies to San Francisco, and is caught by her dad in a serious make-out sesh with Ty. After all of that her parents allow her to go to a hotel party with a boy who can afford things like private jets. Clearly, he can afford a hotel room at the Roosevelt. But Dixon is late for curfew once and therefore must have parental chaperons at his girlfriend's very public, outdoor birthday party?! Seriously?! It's so because he's black, too. Seriously, though, I smell more plot contrivances... the writers must've needed to get Harry and Debbie to that cemetery. Anyway, Silver looks even less pleased to hear that the school principal will be attending her party, but I guess she doesn't really have a choice. Dixon apologizes for his insensitivity the night before and Silver offers him a forgiving smile. Looks like they've officially survived their first fight.
Ethan and Annie approach having a very couple-y argument about the baby. He insists that no one has ever gotten lower than a 'B' in health but she isn't so sure. Silver hands them a flyer for her party asking them if they are coming to her party. And the way she asks it, it's almost like they are a real couple. Ethan and Annie stammer about it, but agree to go, aaaaa-annnd it's officially a double non date!
Annie is back in Matthew's room and he's lecturing about Orwell so I'm guessing the mystery about what he teaches is solved – it's gotta be English. Kimberly leans over to talk to Annie, asking her about the party scene. Before the conversation can get juicy Ryan totally interrupts, demanding they pay attention to his boring lecture. Rude much? Kimberly mouths off again and this time lands herself in detention. Nicely done, new girl. Not even a week in and you've already got detention. She doesn't seem to care too much though – it's clear she's crushin' on Ryan.
Meanwhile, Harry informs Tracy that he and Debbie are up for locating their son, but he's not into chasing him down with a private investigator. Well, whoops. Tracy already hired one. Too bad, Daddy Harry. Guess you don't get a say in this one. I wonder how cool Debbie's going to stay when she hears this one. And in the next moment I almost spit out my soda because Tracy has just kissed Harry. And not on the cheek, either. We're talking full-on, open-mouthed kiss. With tongue. Whoa. Now Debbie isn't going to be cool at all – in fact I'm expecting some blazing hot fury is going to come showering down on her husband. Well, maybe her wrath won't be too bad, because it looks like there's still some Kansas left in Harry. Instead of responding to Tracy's kiss like any other red-blooded Beverly Hills male, he pushes her away telling her he isn't interested. Hmm… I wonder how long that will last. Then again, his wife is a whole lot hotter than Tracy, with her huge eyes that look like she's perpetually shocked.
Detention time. Kimberly walks in, engages in some more verbal sparring with Ryan, and struts to a seat. A typical jock type enters the room and the goth girl in the back randomly says "The fact I made out with you in the fifth grade makes me want to cut my tongue off." It's all very Breakfast Club. Kimberly asks Ryan if he has a girlfriend, but he tells her it's none of her damn business. Well, he leaves the 'damn' bit out. This is a family show, after all. He tells her to hush and she says, "Yeah, good luck with that." Girl's got nerve... no wonder she got kicked out of her old school. A teacher calls Ryan out of the room and he bribes the token jock to keep his mouth shut while he's outside As soon as he's gone, Kimberly turns to the jock and asks where a girl like her could score some 'party favors'. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the new Adrianna.
Well, maybe she's not the new Adrianna but maybe she can be her new BFF, since her friendship with Naomi seems to be falling apart. Naomi approaches Adrianna at her locker, and the girl is speedier than a Mexican mouse. She's also totally pale and talking so fast I can barely keep up. Naomi calls her on her B.S. but Adrianna isn't having any of it. She's totally stoked about landing the movie and why the hell can't Naomi just back off and be happy for her? Gee, I wonder if her movie producers will see it that way. I'm pretty sure there's a morals clause in her contract. Anyway, Adrianna offers to give back Naomi's necklace and as she digs through her purse, Naomi catches sight of something… a lipstick? She looks way to upset about finding an innocuous lipstick. Is that darn Adrianna wearing the same shade as her? How dare she do such a thing! The scandal! Adrianna's in for it now – She might even flare her nostrils!
Oh, wait. Never mind. It's not as innocuous as it looks. Apparently, it's a sooper-sekrit lipstick case with a hiding place for drugs! How very Nancy Drew! And it turns out it isn't Adrianna's at all. Once upon a time it belonged to Naomi. Turns out she was the one who turned Adrianna to drugs in the first place. Well, after all of Naomi's self-righteous lectures and disappointed facial expressions, I can honestly say that I didn't see that one coming. Oh but since Naomi never got addicted, I guess that makes it different and okay. Naomi seems to think so anyway. She just experimented, but Adrianna never quit. Now she's in so deep, she may never get out.
Just then the police burst through the school doors, dogs and all. It's a random locker search, and no one is exempt. Hmm... maybe this is what Harry's mysterious phone call was about. Adrianna panics and worries that she's about to lose everything, including and especially the movie. Damn that morals clause! As Annie watches, Naomi takes the lipstick from Adrianna's hands and heads toward the bathroom. She's not very subtle about it either and unfortunately a policewoman totally notices. She makes a break for it. She locks herself in a stall and empties the powder from the lipstick container, flushing it down the toilet as the police holler at her to exit the stall. Naomi is ushered from the school in handcuffs, and the police inform Harry of what they found. He looks pissed. So does Ryan. He tells the principal exactly what he thinks of his dictator-like approach to dealing with the drug situation at West Bev. "This isn't China; it's Beverly Hills. This isn't cool." Harry tells him he's not interested in being cool or in his opinion, for that matter. Oooh burn. Ryan shakes his head as Naomi's is pushed inside a police car. Nice. Across the way Silver, Dixon, Ethan and Annie are watching as Naomi is taken away to the police station. Annie tells them that those weren't her drugs. A concerned Ethan already knows.
Annie and Ethan follow Adrianna home, insisting that she do something to clear Naomi's name. Adrianna pouts that her Mr. Clark will just get her out of it anyway, but Ethan isn't buying it. Even if Naomi doesn't see the inside of a jail cell, she'll still face some unfair consequences, possibly even expulsion from school. Ethan tells her to prove she cares about her supposed BFF by coming clean and admitting the truth.
Meanwhile, Tracy is tearing apart Naomi's room, looking for proof that her daughter is on drugs. Naomi is furious, especially when her dad takes Tracy's side. It doesn't last long, though. As soon as Tracy suggests that her father's affair has led to a drug abuse problem for Naomi, the fur starts to fly. "You don't think there are consequences for what you did to this family?" He's furious but so is Naomi, who screams at them to stop arguing. She wants to know why her dad can't just get her out of this. He tells her that he might not be able to... she could be facing drug tests, probation or even jail time. Naomi is stunned. Guess there's some things that a fat check can't buy honey – and that's a judge. This isn't The Sopranos, after all.
Adrianna appears in Naomi's doorway, looking teary and apologetic. She's also sporting some serious thunder thighs. No wonder her acting career stalled. Anyway, Naomi begs Adrianna to come clean, and her friend finally agrees. She just needs an hour to go home and explain things to her mom. She hugs her Naomi and promises to meet her at her lawyer's in an hour. Somehow, I don't think she'll show. In fact, I'd bet a year's salary. Any takers?
Adrianna comes home to tell her mom the truth and finds a surprise party, complete with a cake, streamers, and balloons. The cake is symbolic of course, the Wannabe tells her. She can't be eating all those calories! Oddly, the only guest is Wannabe Lohan. Her mother tells her how proud she is of her and how she couldn't tell her this before, but they were about to lose the house. They were down to their last $300.00 in the bank. Adrianna's movie has saved them financially. Adrianna looks horrified, scared and defeated. Her mother's voice fades into the background, as Adrianna smiles tremulously. There's no way she can admit to the drugs now. No possible way. If she loses the movie, her mother will lose everything. How can she live with that? Poor Adrianna. Poor Naomi.
On a lighter note, the big night has finally come. The night of Silver's half-birthday has arrived and the cemetery is filling up with people carrying blankets, lawn chairs, and coolers. Hmm. I've been trying to get into the spirit of the party but really, I can't get past the whole 'sitting on people's graves' thing. It's just too creepy, but I guess that's the point. Silver takes pictures next to a statue of one of the Ramones and is impressed when Dixon makes a reference to one of their songs. Turns out he read up on them since she liked them. Awwww.
Anyway, Ryan actually came, and he's brought along a ditzy blonde as his date. She's an actress (how unusual!) and Ryan's irony flies completely over her head. He asks her about her body of work and she admits the highlight of it has been playing a corpse on CSI, and appearing in a national medication commercial. She tells him, "O.M.G! This is the funniest story. So it was for this medicine. And I didn't know what it was. I thought it was like a vitamin or something. But then they tell me what it is and at first I didn't want to do it because I didn't want everyone to think I had Herpes. But then I just did it because it was a national commercial. And I was all, "Whatever!Chaching!" Ryan, of the acerbic wit, asks her if she had to do a lot of research get into character for that but it goes completely over her pretty, blonde head. Good thing she's pretty. She'll probably wind up the trophy wife of some rich producer, and spend the rest of her life lunching in trendy restaurants and getting her hair done at on Rodeo Drive. Lucky bitch.
Silver and Dixon are met by Annie and Ethan, who are still toting around the plastic baby. They joke about not bringing a present and then Ethan gets a text from Naomi, assuring him that everything is okay and 'Ade' is admitting the drugs were hers. I don't get why everyone thinks this will get Naomi off the hook. She still committed a crime by having drugs in her possession and attempting to conceal them from the police. Whatever. Annie is impressed by Ethan's continued concern for his ex-girlfriend and he tells her he'd be there for anyone who was important to him. Hmm. For a guy who cheated on his girlfriend in the parking lot of school, Ethan Ward is turning into a pretty good guy. Maybe he's not such a Dylan McKay after all. Anyway, Ethan and Dixon take off to grab them all some drinks, and Annie comments to Silver about how this is feeling like some kind of weird double date. Silver tells her to chill out. Annie makes her promise not to make out with Dixon in front of her and Ethan, and Silver solemnly promises. She'll make out with Dixon somewhere else. Oh, great. Even better... she and Ethan can be totally alone, under the stars, on a blanket. Sounds like a recipe for romance to me! And speaking of romance, Ryan is camped out on a blanket with his airhead of a date, and Silver catches sight of him. He gives her a friendly nod, and she sends him an approving thumbs up. Course if quick as lightning Silver knew how empty the girl's brain is, she might not be so impressed with his choice.
Meanwhile, Debbie and Harry are sitting on a blanket too, but romance is the last thing on Debbie's mind; At least not her own romance with Harry. "SHE KISSED YOU?!" Debbie is furious, just as predicted. And also just as predicted, her fury is raining down on her husband's absent ex-wife. Unlike the rest of Hollywood, it appears that the Wilson marriage retains a modicum of trust: she believes him when he says he isn't the least bit interested in Tracy. Debbie just wishes the meddling woman wasn't in their lives, but considering their shared son, it doesn't look as if she'll be going anywhere, anytime soon. Hmm… in a weird kind of way this makes Annie and Naomi sisters. Kinda creepy, considering the Ethan factor, doncha think?
Dusk is falling, candles are lit and the crowd is gearing up for a seriously scary evening. Ryan's date is still rambling on about acting, and he's looking more bored by the second until she mentions that she's a gymnast. He leaps on the subject, (ha! Get it? Leaps?) and she admits she quit a while ago, but can still do the splits. "That is good news for everybody," he says flirtatiously. Blondie widens her eyes at the innuendo, then laughs much too loudly at the joke, braying like a drunken donkey, snorts included. A sardonic voice pipes up from behind. "Wow," says Kimberly. Whether she's referring to Ryan's comment or Blondie's loud laugh remains unclear. What is clear is the sarcastic irony written all over her face as she takes in her teacher's date. Ryan introduces his student to his date; whose name, it turns out, is Jaclyn. But I like Blondie better, so we'll just keep calling her that. Ryan is quick to tell Kimberly that Jaclyn is not his girlfriend, but I'm not sure if it's because he's embarrassed by his date or attracted to his witty, young student. Both probably… even if he doesn't want to admit it. I really hope they aren't going to do a forbidden student/teacher relationship. Besides being highly predictable, it's also gross and cliché. Please 90210, spare us. I beg you. Anyway, Kimberly asks Blondie what she does for a living and when she hears that she's an actress, she responds sarcastically "In L.A., really? That's rare." Blondie looks amazed and says "O.M.G! He [Ryan] said the exact same thing! Don't you guys know that L.A. is the capital of Hollywood?" Kimberly looks at Ryan and Blondie in complete amazement. "O.M.G! I didn't know that," she deadpans with a look of disdain for Ryan. She clearly expected more from her intelligent teacher, the one person who can keep up with her verbal wit.
Meanwhile, Naomi and her father are talking to his lawyer, conferring on Naomi's case. The lawyer warns that unless Adrianna confesses, Naomi could be looking at a conviction that could prevent her from getting into college, or getting a job, and she may even spend some time in jail. Naomi swallows hard, clearly terrified. She assures them that Adrianna is coming, but at this point the only one she's trying to convince is herself. And she won't even be able to do that for long… because after the guilt trip her mom gave her earlier there's no way that she'll be confessing now. Hope you like wearing orange N. I hear stripes are coming back in this season. And you won't even have to pay.
Back at the cemetery, Silver and Dixon are cuddling on a blanket, watching the Hitchcock thriller. Dixon wishes her a happy half-birthday and Silver smiles and kisses his cheek. It's all totally cute, and I'm totally jealous. That Silver chick is hot. Suddenly they jump as the actor in the movie falls down dead and scary music plays. On another blanket, Blondie is sharing her life's ambition with Ryan. "Maybe one day I'll be in a movie that's projected on the side of a mausoleum!" Is it sad that she looks totally thrilled by that idea? Probably. Navid and his partner are also there with their baby watching the movie, or rather, watching Ryan's date. "It's so her," Navid says. "The blonde hair, the Angelina Jolie lips… it is so the Herpes chick!" They argue about it and Blondie shifts uncomfortably in her seat. Itching honey?
On his way to get Blondie some anti-itch cream, oops I mean coffee, Ryan runs into Kimberly, who makes fun of his choice in women. "I'm a little disappointed in you, Matthews. I mean, that's your type? Self-absorbed and stupid?" Ryan tells her that her comment was incredibly inappropriate, and that he's sorry if she has a crush on him, but he's older than her and he's her teacher. She tells him that's gross and even if I don't believe her, she knows he's right: it can never happen. This isn't a Drew Barrymore movie, after all.
Wait. Did I just say this isn't a Drew Barrymore movie? Well, ladies and gentlemen, gather round for I am about to admit something I rarely, if ever, admit to. I was wrong. There I said it. This is apparently a Never Been Kissed knock-off, because it turns out Miss Kimberly isn't a miss at all. She's a Ms. thank you very much. Not only is she NOT a student but she's a very grown-up police detective, working undercover to bust whoever has been dealing drugs to all the West Beverly kids. And she's been investigating Ryan Matthews. She and Harry have a very quick and subtle chat by a deserted headstone, away from the rest of the group. Some detective. Guess no one told her in covert ops that it's much better to hide out in the open than it is in secret. There's no trace of the sass she's showed all episode and I wonder how Ryan will react when he discovers he's been duped. And judging by the way he reacted to the locker search and subsequent arrests, I somehow doubt he and Kimberly will be kissing on a baseball diamond anytime soon.
But it looks like someone at least is headed for a happily-ever-after. Annie and Ethan are looking quite cuddly on their blanket, laughing as they try to shush their crying doll and sending each other flirty glances. They talk about how not a date this is, even as Ethan turns off his cell phone so he can concentrate on Annie, er... the movie. Romantic awkwardness ensues, and the two are just about to kiss when the audience screams as on-screen a scary-looking skeleton comes into site. Dammit! Ethan and Annie jump apart and you just know Ethan is cursing the bad timing. Dixon leaps up between them, a laughing Silver on his heels. The romantic moment is ruined for Annie and Ethan, and they are both disappointed.
So is Naomi, who is on her cell phone, blasting a livid message to her ex-BFF Adrianna. To say she is angry is like saying the Asian Tsunami was a big wave. "I can't believe you did this to me. You were the one person I thought I could count on, that I could trust. It was you, Adrianna; you were it. And you couldn't do so little as pick up your freaking phone. Amazing. Way to go. This friendship is over. We're done. I hope you got that." As Naomi screams into the phone, Adrianna is lying on the floor somewhere, her eyes wide and staring, and her leg bent at an unnatural angle. Her iPhone is still in her hand as if she were about to make a call before collapsing. Medics are swarming around her still body; a hypodermic needle is stuck straight into her chest, and still her eyes stare vacantly. Elsewhre, an oblivious Naomi finishes her call. "You're dead to me." You know what Naomi? You're probably right.