90210

Kimberly: Do you have a girlfriend? Ryan: (laughs) That's none of your business. Kimberly: Are you gay? You seem kind of gay. Ryan: Yeah, about as gay as your dad. Kimberly: My dad's dead. Ryan: Hm. Well, I think your dad's about as dead as I am gay. Kimberly: Touché.

Naomi: So how is Mommy Dearest? Adrianna: You know. Desperate to be Dina Lohan. And making me suffer for every moment that she's not.

Annie: Hey, can I just say that I was the new girl up until right now, so I totally know how you feel. Kimberly: Well, I guess you weren't very good at it 'cause now I got the job. Ryan: That's cute.

Ryan: You wanna tell us a little something about yourself, Kimberly? Kimberly: Well, why don't you just take whatever the old new girl said about herself and just make it better. Ryan: Well, that's tough, because the old new girl is from Kansas, and it just doesn't get any better than that. Annie: There's no place like home.

Kimberly: I'm Kim. I'm from Las Vegas. I wear size eight shoes. I have three piercings, but I won't say where. And I like tacos. Ryan: Great, I also like tacos. Welcome to the school. Kimberly: Any piercings? Ryan: (to class) Moving on.

Miss Wells: You'll be paired off into couples, all with different socioeconomic backgrounds. By the end of the experiment you'll have taken care of your real care baby and also managed the family budget that you are each given. Mike: That's women's work… I mean, whoever I get paired up with better recognize. Miss Wells: Mike, you'll be paired with Navid. Navid and Mike: What? Miss Wells: That's right. You are a same sex couple, and Navid is the breadwinner. Mike: I usually go for blondes. With boobs.

Miss Wells: Annie and Ethan, you are married. Annie works. Ethan is a stay-at-home dad. Ethan: Do I have, like, a hobby? Miss Wells: Your hobby is your baby.

Silver: You know how when you're a kid and you're all like, "oh, I'm four and three quarters," or, "I'm five and a half"? It's like every single milestone is such a big deal, and then at some point you just stop counting all those little in-between markers. Yeah, not me. I will always celebrate my half-birthday. Dixon: You are a very strange girl. Silver: Yeah? Well, I'm a strange girl who's gonna have the most rockingest half-birthday ever. Come on, "Psycho" at a cemetery? Awesomely perfect.

Silver: (to Annie about Ethan) I think you guys have things in reverse. First you date, then marriage, and then a baby. But, you know, whatever works for you.

Naomi: We've only just been broken up for a few days, and you already have a baby with someone else? That's impressive. Ethan: Yeah, we're just doing a project for Miss Wells' class. Naomi: Oh, you two are doing that project? That's cute. Annie: Yes, we are married for the project. This is our baby. Naomi: How nice for you. I don't care. I've moved on. Ethan and I are over, and he is more than welcome to have as many babies as he wants with whomever he pleases.

Silver: (to Dixon) You know black's my favorite color.

Silver: I need you to relax and just embrace the awesomeness of this situation. Me, your girlfriend, has a house all to herself. Dixon: Point taken. So this is definitely gonna become the new party house. Silver: I think I'm gonna charge a cover. Dixon: You gonna charge me? Silver: You'll work it off. Dixon: I like the way you think. Silver: But right now you're gonna lay back, take off your shoes and get ready for something you've never done before. (Dixon starts undressing) In my hands, I have the three greatest horror movies ever. We're gonna have a major movie marathon, my friend.

Tabitha: Harry, it's my pool, and I'm going to do what I want when I want! Harry: Did I miss a segue here? Debbie: Your mother flashed the gardener again. Tabitha: I never flashed Mauricio. I like to swim naked. I like how it feels when the water glides off my ass. Why should I give that up? Harry: Mom, Mauricio comes once a week. Do you have to swim naked at that exact time? Tabitha: Harry, don't be such a prude. I'm letting my freak flag fly, and there's nothing you can do about it.

Dixon: Grandma, you don't see me. You just forgot to take your blue pill. Tabitha: Did all the blood rush away from the part of your brain that allows you to tell time? Dixon: I was just… Tabitha: Sneaking in. Were you with a girl? I want all the deets. Don't worry, I won't tell your mom and dad. Dixon: Thank you so much, grandma. Tabitha: I meant, I won't tell them if you were with a girl. They know you're not here. Your mother's halfway to calling the police.

Dixon: (about care baby) So, where was it? Annie: In the bathroom… corner. Under my jeans. Debbie: Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Silver: All right, well, look, last night I was trying to show you something important to me. Dixon: "A House of a Thousand Corpses" is important?

Kimberly: I hear this is where the party's at. Ryan: That's right, so you can sit down and pour yourself a tall glass of "shut up" and "don't speak" for the next hour. Kimberly: Does that come in diet? 'Cause I'm kind of watching my figure. Ryan: And that ends the conversation portion of this detention.

Adrianna: Give me a break, Naomi. Naomi: No! No, I won't give you a break. Okay? I'm your friend. And I may come off as annoying or whatever you think I am, but I care about you. And I'm worried about you.

Naomi: Mom, what are you doing? Tracy: I'm doing what I should've done a long time ago. I'm acting like your mother instead of your sister or your friend. Naomi: Are you kidding me? Dad, she's tearing my room apart! Charles: If I wasn't bailing you out, I'd be doing it right along with her.

Jacqueline: (about Kimberly) Who's this? Ryan: This is a student, a very annoying student who was just leaving. Kimberly: So what do you do, Jacqueline? Jacqueline: I'm an actress. Kimberly: In L.A.? Really? That's rare. Jacqueline: O.M.G! He said the exact same thing! Don't you guys know L.A. Is the capital of Hollywood? Kimberly: O.M.G! I didn't know that. Good luck with your career. And loved you in the herpes commercial.

Ryan: Listen, I don't want to assume anything here, but I've been through this with students before, so if you're having any kind of feelings. I'm your teacher, you're my student, and I'm a lot older than you. I mean, I'm not a lot a lot… Kimberly: Dude, chill. I just didn't want you to catch her stupidity. I heard it's contagious. And I hope you didn't think I had a crush on you because… gross.

Ethan: I wonder, like, how and when our baby was made, you know? Annie: Your dad never had that conversation with you? Ethan: I mean, like, overseas or something. Annie: Oh, then we'd be like Brangelina.