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ALF: I have powers that you can only dream about.
Jake: Like what?
ALF: (thinks for a moment) I can watch television for ten hours straight and not get up to go the bathroom.
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ALF: The only good cat is a stir-fried cat.
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Jake: My dad could fix everything, especially horse races.
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ALF: That Jake really grows on you, doesn't he?
Brian: Not on me.
Lynn: Don't you think he's a little rude?
ALF (burps): Not particularly.
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Jake: My motto is: if I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
ALF: My motto is: I broke it.
Jake: My Dad's motto is: I broke into it.
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ALF: On Melmac we only had one guy who could fix things. We put him on display in a zoo, but the door to the cage was broken, so he just walked away.
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Trevor: Hey Willie, can we borrow some of your tools?
Willie: Sure, they're in your garage.
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Kate: Children can be difficult but at least they don't shed in the milk.
Raquel: I haven't heard that old cliche in years.
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Trevor: Who is that comedian?
Lynn: Have you ever heard about Jay Leno?
Trevor: No.
Lynn: It's Jay Leno.
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ALF: Willie, what do you think about it seems a pizza in my mouth right now?
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Raquel: What do you think of Jake?
Kate: Well, I just met him, he seems . . . quiet
Raquel: Well, Brian never says a word and you don't see me making a stink about it
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Raquel: Jake just flew in from New York. He's staying with us while his father is away.
Kate: Oh, how long will that be?
Jake: Five years.
Trevor: ...unless he gets time off for good behavior.
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Kate: ALF, hide in the kitchen
ALF: You know if you werent always sending me to the kitchen, I might not eat so much
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ALF: (While the family is playing charades) No fair! You were giving him hand signals to help him guess!