Gordon "ALF" Shumway [Voice/Puppeteer]
Katherine Daphne "Kate" Halligan Tanner
Continuity: This clip show featured several clips from episodes that had not yet aired.
ALF: Okay, so let me get this straight Willy. There are people who want to hurt me. So to protect me, you lock me naked in your bedroom.
Willie: Something like that.
Willy: Oh, I know, I'll show you a mirror . . .
ALF: Okay, maybe I need a shave.
Willy: Is this the face of an insurance agent?
ALF: Yes, I am no Bert Sidowski, but Bert Sidowski isn't in the Million Dollar Club.
ALF: Are you listening Willie?
Willie: I liked you better as an alien . . you were annoying, but never boring.
Kate: Maybe we should get Wayne to give us ALF insurance.
Kate: Hello, Dr. Snegmier? Well listen, well doctor, it seems that a houseguest of ours has come down with amnesia. No, we can't bring him in, isn't there some kinda home remedy we can try . . . breathing into a paperbag.
Lynn: What's he saying?
Kate: Hitting him on the head with a rolling pin. No, I do not think that's funny. No, I do not watch The Three Stooges. Yes, I know I should. Okay, I think we're gonna try the hospital. Yes, I'm sure he has insurance. Thank you, buh-bye.
Brian: Should I get the rolling pin?
Kate: No, we can't do that . . . or at least we shouldn't.
ALF: If you are holding me for ransom, you can forget about it. My company has a policy of not negociating with terrorists! We do however, have many other policies you might be interested in Willie.
ALF: First you strip me, now you wanna keep me here. I've heard about this happening to other insurance agents. . .
ALF: Where did I put my coat? In fact, where did I put my pants? Oh my god, I'm naked!
Lynn: Well, not to us you aren't!
ALF: Okay, maybe you're free thinkers - I'm not!
Willie: So isn't it obvious you aren't this Wayne Schlagel?
ALF: The only thing that's obvious are your minds aren't on insurance.
Brenda: Well, listen Buster. If you think I am going to wait around for you forever, you are out of your mind. You ask for a divorce tonight or we are through!
ALF: Okay, okay, I'll ask her for a divorce tonight. . . man, you have a couple drinks and a few laughs, they think its forever.
Willie: This has gone far enough.
ALF: You obviously haven't met Brenda.
Willie: Neither have you
Willy: Dr. Jeff doesn't handle this kinda thing.
Brian: Then who does?
Lynn: Dr. Demento.
Lynn: Dad, ALF took a fall in the hot tub and we think he lost his memory.
Willie: Oh no . . . but we don't have a hot tub.
ALF: Well, that's a good thing Willie, we don't cover hot tubs.
ALF: Why hello, you must be Mr. Tanner.
Willy: Good guess . . .hmmmm, ALF!
Lynn: You mean Wayne Shagele.
ALF: Michigan Life and Causality.
Lynn: We aren't getting through to him, what are we gonna do?
Kate: I don't know . . . just don't sign anything.
Kate: You are not an insurance agent, you are an alien from the planet Melmac.
ALF: Sure, whatever you say, the customer is always right.
ALF: I'm talking about your future. I'm talking about an insurance plan that will fit your needs.
Kate: I think he is trying to sell us insurance.
Kate: ALF? Are you alright?
ALF: ALF? There must be some mistake. I'm Wayne Shagele, Michigan Life and Company.
Lynn: Any mail for me?
ALF: Any mail for me?
Kate: Yeah . . .all of it. But ALF, I dont want you joining anymore record clubs.
ALF: Fine, fine, fine. That reminds me. I need you to write out a couple of checks. One to Greenpeace and one to the Auto-club
Lynn: You're a member of the Auto-club?
ALF: I like the magazine.
Kate: Well, I am not writing you anymore checks.
ALF: Well, thats fine, I just got mine. Darn, I ordered sunrise . . .they sent me sunset.
ALF: If anybody wants me, I'll be in the whirling hot tub.
Lynn: We don't have a whirling hot tub.
ALF: I know, I'm gonna improvise. (Starts playing with egg beater)
At the end of this episode, instead of having ALF's normal laugh after the credits, we hear the laugh of Wayne, ALF's insurance agent alter-ego.
ALF's favorite foods are doughnuts and brownies.
Willie is 45 years old.
The doctor suggests Kate hit ALF over the head, as a joke about the Three Stooges.
The Three Stooges were an American comedy act, commonly "slapstick", started in the 1930's and lasted decades.
The title is derived from a Tom Jones song with the same name.
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