[Tonight, we find "Alfred" not in his standard dark suit, but in an ill-fitting, light-colored coat, a checkered bow tie, a slickly combed wig and he appears to be chewing gum. When he speaks, he has a roughly Brooklyn accent]
"Alfred", the stand-in: Hiya. I'm not Hitchcock. I'm Alfred, his stand-in. Someone has to stand here while the lights and the cameras are adjusted and all that stuff, see? And the old boy just don't have the time. I got the job 'cause I look like him. That's what they say, but not to my face.
["Alfred" looks right, then back, and edges himself to his left]
"Alfred", the stand-in: I see they're rolling him in. You suppose I'll look like that when I'm his age?
[The line of a split screen rolls in until it reaches the middle of the screen and the "real" Alfred enters our view]
Alfred Hitchcock: That will be all, Alfred.
"Alfred", the stand-in: Arrivederci, daddy-o.
["Alfred" exits, taking the line of the split screen with him]
Alfred Hitchcock: Cheeky fellow, isn't he? Unfortunately, he may soon be more than a stand-in. We are planning to send out a second company to tour the provinces, and "Alfred" will play my part. Which brings us to tonight's thrilling shocker. It is called Jonathan.