Ralph: I don't know why a woman can't understand that a man likes his newspaper in virginal condition!
Alfred Hitchcock: (Sitting at a desk with three glasses of wine in front of him, labeled "X", "Y", and "Z".) Oh, good evening. No, I'm not drinking on the job. Not for pleasure at any rate. I am an amateur wine taster. A friend suspects that someone has been tampering with his wine. Of course, there's no use going through the trouble of a laboratory test when any self-respecting gourmet can detect impurities. (He tastes wine "X".) Nothing wrong here. A very fine Burgundy, a Romani Conti, I would say. (He tastes wine "Y".) This is Muscatel. Home made, no doubt. The do-it-yourself craze knows no bounds. (He tastes wine "Z".) Something foreign has been added. A large quantity, too. Anyone could have detected. But exactly what? (He drinks all of wine "Z".) I have it. Arsenic. I wish I had more. It's very good, really. That is, if you like a very dry wine. While you wait to see what possible effect this may have on me, you may watch our dramatization of one of Dorothy L. Sayers' stories.
Alfred Hitchcock: That was a warm and touching little fable, wasn't it? The kind of story that gets you right here. Oh, about my wine-tasting. I'm afraid I was very much mistaken about brand "Z". You will be relieved to hear there was nothing wrong with it. Nothing had been added. You see, it wasn't wine. It was mosquito spray. The arsenic belonged there. Apparently, the mosquitoes prefer their spray very dry. Next week at this same time I shall invade your living rooms again, provided your television set holds up. Good night.