Gainsboro: Remember, she's a woman. And I believe they're all very much alike.
Mr. Appleby: Yes. I believe they are.
Alfred Hitchcock: Good evening, ladies. Has your husband recently acquired a faraway look in his eyes? In the event something unforeseen happens to you, do all of your worldly goods go to him? Is he, at this moment, nervously excusing himself from the room? If you have answered "yes" to all the above questions, you receive a score of one hundred. A gold star for neatness. And my advice to leave for mother's immediately. That is, immediately after the conclusion fo our program. Our story tonight is called, "The Orderly World of Mr. Appleby." Unfortunately, It will do nothing to relieve your fears. If that is what you want. If you want contentment, security, peace of mind, listen to this advice from our friendly philosopher.
Alfred Hitchcock: Oh, well, the bigger they come, the harder they fall. By the way, what you have just seen, is of historical significance. It was in precisely this way that a housewife carrying an armload of vegetables, invented the tossed salad. Now, before I say goodnight, my ah... sponsor would like to bring you an important message. I needn't tell you to whom it is important. (Fade to commercial)
Alfred Hitchcock: That concludes our entertainment for tonight. Once again, through a propaganda play we have attempted to make the world a better place in which to live. I'm confident that tonight, we have struck a telling blow, in the cause of wall-to-wall carpeting. Goodnight.