Alice

Season 2 Episode 13

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

1
Aired Unknown Jan 22, 1978 on CBS

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  • Quotes

    • (The girls and Mel, using roll-reversal to point out the qualities that irritate each other)
      Alice (in a southern accent): Hi, I'm Florence Jean Castleberry, and shoot I never did make it to the VFW dance...'cause I never did get out of the parking lot all night. Why shoot, I'd like to go out with you Bufurd, and you too J.W., and you too Bubba. It'd be a blast. What? You say you don't like to triple-date? Well, kiss my grits! (in her normal voice) Ok, now it's your turn.
      Flo: All right, here goes Miss Goody Two-shoes. (in a New Jersey accent) Hi, I'm the Hackensack hotshot, and I've been to night school, rah, rah, rah. I'm the world's greatest singer. I'm the Barbra Streisand of Mel's Diner. When I back into the grill, a star is boined. I never get upset and it doesn't bother me at all that Flo has so many dates. (wrinkles her nose and twitches her mouth)
      Alice: That's pretty good. OK, Vera, come on.
      Vera: And heeeeere's Melvin. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. (in a rough voice) Hey! Pick up this hamburger, you dingy chick, before it dies of old age. Yeah? Stow it, stow it, stow it!
      Mel: Well, heeeeere's Vera. (in a high, wimpering voice) Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. Don't call me a dingy chick! I'm sick, sick, sick, of being called a, a chick, chick, chick.

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