Barb: I'm Barb, Miss Main Street. If I hear one more crack about my title, someone's either getting an ass-kicking or a lolly pop. And I'm all out of lolly pops.
(Diane comes out wearing heels, a bra and panties)
Alice: Oh! Mom! What are you doing?
Diane: Showing you how ridiculous you're going to look on that stage. You think this is sexy?
Finn: Lord, no!
Alice: You've no idea how stressful this pageant is.
Bob: Nonetheless, it was very brave of you to have entered in the first place. But at the same time, you shouldn't buy into our culture's obsession with winning.
Alice: Meaning you think I'm going to lose.
Bob: Meaning you're already a winner just for participating.
Alice: (more forcefully) Meaning you think I'm going to lose.
Bob: Meaning this is a very positive step in your personal growth.
Alice: (very forcefully) Meaning you think I'm going to lose!
(Bob has no answer for this)
Alice: Smithers is a great town in need of just a few improvement, for example... it could be cleaner. So I'll be majoring in Environmental Studies at Oxford on one of those Rhodesian scholarships. After which, I'll put an end to global warming and fix the ozone layer. So please, give generously... for the children... and for world peace.
Finn: I'm a gay man, Alice, trying to fit in to a straight world. The Rod & Gun Club is my chance to feel like I belong. Please don't quit. Please. (hangs head and cries)
Alice: Finn, you're the most popular guy in Smithers.
Finn: Okay, I'm not really crying. I just want to hang out with some burly men and shoot guns. So what do you say? Will you help me out?
John: Next up is Miss 4-H, with a demonstration of cow milking. Let's hope milk is the only thing that cow leaves behind tonight.
(Alice has just told Finn that her outfit is appropriate)
Finn: Yeah, if you're Margaret Thatcher!
Alice is wearing an outfit that an older woman would wear, not someone who is 16. Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ) was Prime Minister of the United Kingdom from 1979 to 1990.