At home, Alice, Mac and Wing play guitar, bass, and drums while John, Finn and Marcus look on. They're pretty bad, and Finn tells them to let the professionals take over; they're just as bad as the kids were.
Outdoors, Bob tells the T.I.T. group that they've done well meeting different clubs and groups, in fact, Violet has just told him that she's going to join last week's group, the beekeepers. Violet steps forward, and has a large bee sting on her forehead. Bob takes them in to the Rec Centre to meet the High On Life Club. As they watch, the cheerleaders do a cheer for the club; Alice tells Violet that she knows one of them: Becky, who was last year's Miss Smithers, then she adds that their shirts should spell out L-A-M-E. The cheerleaders finish the cheer and sort themselves out so that their shirts spell J-E-S-U-S. The President of the club, Mark, comes out to welcome them; Alice is immediately in love. Violet starts to say that the club ~is~ lame, but Alice tells her to shut up.
In the Rec Centre hallway, Mark talks to Alice about why Jesus is cool; he invites her to join the group but she says no, explaining that she comes from a long line of pagans. He puts his hand on her shoulder; she gasps; he tells her that Jesus loves everyone, then gives her some pamphlets about the club and goes.
At home, Wing and Mac watch the fish in the tank and have a castle to add to the aquarium. Alice comes in; Wing tells her about the new castle, but Alice doesn't care.
Alice's Video Diary: Alice pulls the pamphlet that Mark gave her out of her backpack and discovers a letter tucked inside it. She begins to read it; it describes her beauty; Alice assumes that it's from Mark and that he hid it in the pamphlet that he gave her so that she'd find it later. Alice tells the camera that she thinks she's finally found the right club for her... and a boyfriend.
In the basement, Diane shows John some of her poetry and tells him that some of her friends think it's good; she suggests that his group, the Hoar Hounds, could set it to music. John reads the poetry and says that it's powerful; he's sure that the band will like it. He immediately starts strumming on his guitar and singing the poetry. Diane begins kissing him.
At the Rec Centre, the High On Life club ends a prayer, and Mark introduces their newest member: Alice. They do a group hug, and Becky tells Alice that she's glad Alice joined the club. Mark gives Alice a 'WWJD' (What Would Jesus Do') bracelet to remind her in times of trouble that she can look at the bracelet and ask herself, "What would Jesus do?" and also so that Jesus is always with her. Alice is thinking more about having Mark with her.
At home, John tells Marcus and Finn that the band should get serious and write their own music; they laugh, then realize that he's being serious. He tells them that Diane will write the lyrics for them; she hands out sheets with 'Ozone Babies' to the guys. Marcus and Finn read the lyrics and don't look happy. ...Later, the band is playing the song; John is singing, but both Marcus and Finn look like they'd much rather be elsewhere. Diane stops them and makes a suggestion for the song, saying that the whole group should join in on the chorus. John thinks it's a great idea; Finn coughs into his hand and says, "Yoko."
In Alice's room, Alice is reading her Bible, but falls asleep, and dreams of marrying Mark; Bob is dressed as Jesus and is performing the ceremony. He says that the couple has written their own vows and Mark begins reading his: the love letter that he sent Alice. While he's reading this, Alice begins to hear her name being repeated over and over... she wakes up to find Mac standing at the top of the stairs; he asks her if she read the letter that Wing left for her in her backpack. Wing comes up and waves at Alice; she looks horrified. Wing tells her that she's beautiful; Alice wonders what Jesus would do, then runs down the stairs without saying a word.
In the bathroom, Alice sits and reads a magazine, and admits to herself that while Jesus probably wouldn't have run from the situation, He certainly would have needed some thinking time. Mac knocks on the door and tells her that Wing has gone, but left a love letter for her. He also tells Alice that Wing is obsessed with her; Alice wants Mac to dump Wing for her; he says no, but she begs him until he finally agrees to do it. She tells him to let Wing down easy so he doesn't think she's horrible.
In the basement, the Hoar Hounds are singing 'Ozone Babies'; Diane stops them and comments that Marcus and Finn aren't playing dramatically enough. Finn, totally disgusted, says that he's going home. John asks what's wrong; both Finn and Marcus say that they don't like Diane's input. She says that she'll leave, but John says no, if she goes then so does he. Finn and Marcus leave; the Hoar Hounds are no more.
At the Rec Centre, Alice arrives, intending to quit the club, but then Mark comes up and hugs her; all she can bring herself to tell him is that she's high on life, and then she hugs him again. Becky comes over and asks to talk to Mark; Alice asks Abelard if Mark and Becky are a couple; he says yes, but they're going through some rough times right now, but he's sure that Jesus will help them see the way. Alice suggests that Jesus might just let them see that they weren't meant to be together, then quickly agrees with Abelard. Mark announces that 'Virgins R Us' will be coming through town this weekend, and the High On Life club will be signing chastity pledges to show their support. They all start chanting "no sex before marriage," except for Alice. Mark comes over and asks if he can count on her; she asks if Becky's going to sign the pledge. Mark says yes, so Alice starts chanting along with everyone else.
At home, Diane is cleaning up the kitchen while singing 'Ozone Babies.' She moves Alice's backpack and finds the High On Life pamphlets and chastity pledge sheet.
In Alice's room, Mac gives Alice an angel fish from Wing; Mac didn't have the heart to break his best friend's heart and so didn't tell him that Alice doesn't share his feelings. Diane comes in and asks about the pamphlets, saying that these types of groups are anti-women. John arrives and asks what's going on; Diane tells him that Alice is thinking of signing a virginity pledge and John is all for it. Diane says that Alice has to learn to think for herself and not let some religious club make her decisions for her, then leaves. John tells Alice that he supports her and if she wants to sign a pledge to ~never~ have sex, he'd support that too.
On the street, Officer Brady writes a ticket; Finn comes along and mentions that he's having a bad day as his band just broke up. Brady didn't even know that he was in a band.
In the Smithers Cab, Marcus tells a passenger that the Hoar Hounds existed to rock; the passenger says that he's late for work and wants to get going. Marcus is too depressed to drive; the fare gets out and walks away as Marcus looks at a picture of himself, Finn and John and cries.
Outside the house, Alice walks along the driveway; Wing is waiting for her with a flower; she tries to hide, unsuccessfully, behind a bush. Wing comes over and gives her the flower; Alice tells him that she needs to talk to him and that she just doesn't share his feelings. Wing asks if she doesn't like him; Alice wonders what Jesus would do and decides that He'd tell a little white lie, so she tells Wing that she's already dating someone else: Mark Conner, the president of the club she's a member of. Wing doesn't believe her and wants to see his invisible rival.
In the basement, John and Diane have auditions for new band members; a boy plays guitar for them and he's really good, but John just tells the boy that they'll let him know and then says to Diane that no one they've seen is any good. He tells Diane that he's tired and goes for a nap.
At the Rec Centre, Alice points out Mark to Wing; Mark comes over and hugs Alice. When Alice turns to look for Wing, he's gone. Becky comes over and asks if she can talk to Alice privately; she tells Alice that she has very strong urges when she's with Mark and doesn't know if she can sign the virginity pledge. Alice tells Becky that signing the pledge would be like lying to Jesus; Becky agrees and says "sorry" to Jesus then leaves. Mark comes over and asks what's wrong with Becky; Alice wonders what Jesus would do and decides that He'd tell the truth; she tells Mark that Becky isn't going to sign the virginity pledge because she wants to have sex with him, adding in that she, Alice, has signed her pledge and she's pure. Mark follows Becky out. Later on, everyone is putting their pledges into the bags; Alice asks Abelard where Mark is, and finds out that he was last seen out by the 'Virgins R Us' van.
Outside, at the van which is rocking, Alice looks in the back window and steps away, horrified. She's just seen Mark helping Becky break her pledge... she thinks. Of course, how would she know, since she's a virgin?
In downtown Smithers, Finn is playing bass on one street corner. Across the street, Marcus is playing drums. On another corner, John and Diane are singing 'Ozone Babies'. Finn joins Marcus and they begin playing together; John looks at them, then at Diane who motions for him to go over and join them. He does, and Diane joins them and dances while they play. Diane tells passers-by that it's the Hoar Hounds' reunion gig.
At the Rec Centre, the High On Life members are taking turns telling why they like being a virgin; Alice stands up and says that she's leaving the club. The members beg her not to leave, not to break up with Jesus; Alice tells them it's not Him, it's her.
At home, Alice tells Diane that she's quit the club; Diane hugs her and they listen to the Hoar Hounds play. Diane stands up to dance; Mac slides over on the couch and tells Alice that Wing wants him to ask her to dance. Alice wonders what Jesus would do, then takes off the bracelet and tells Wing that he gets one dance. Diane dances with Mac while Alice repeatedly removes Wing's hand from her butt.