Aliens in America Season 1 Episode 1

Ms. Mirante: Raja, you are so different from us. How does that feel?
Raja: I am not sure I understand.
Ms. Mirante: Think about it (to class) How does everyone else feel about Raja and his differences? (a girl raises her hand) Yes, Stephanie!
Stephanie: Well, I guess I feel angry because his people blew up the buildings in New York.
Ms. Mirante: Ah, that's good!
Raja: But that is not true.
Ms. Mirante: Okay, Raja, in America, you have to wait until you're called on and I'd appreciate a raised hand. Okay, now who else is angry at Raja? (everyone raises their hands).

Justin: (Voiceover) I think any teenager's lowest point comes when his mother decides she has to import a friend for him. My father, however, couldn't have been happier. The host family gets a check every month for 500 bucks.
Gary: Hey Franny! How many of these kids can we get?
Justin: Dad!
Gary: What? That way you'd have a whole gang to pal around with.
Franny: One per household, hon.

Justin: (Voiceover) These are the Palladino twins. Last year, they put a gun in my mouth, turned out to be a water pistol, but I did not know that at the time.

Justin: (Voiceover) Okay, so check this out. Let's say a space alien landed in my hometown. If he were sixteen years old, he would go to my high school and let's face it, his life would probably suck. Everyone would make fun of his giant head and his big bug eyes. He'd be an outcast, a loner, definitely a virgin. And there'd be nothing he could do about it except wait for his spaceship to take him home. I didn't have a spaceship and each year of high school was worse than the last. But all of that was about to change because right before my junior year, I got my braces off.

Raja: What prayers do you recite when you are upset?
Justin: I don't usually uh...I don't really pray that much. Usually I just, you know, like, eat a, eat a brownie or, uh, buy a CD.
Raja: Justin, the pan is empty.

Raja: Are you the Tolchucks? I am Raja, your exchange student!
Franny: Um, Gar?
Gary: Yeah, yeah, um, I'm sorry son, there might be some confusion. The boy we ordered was supposed to come in from London.
Raja: That *is* me. I started in Pakistan and then I flew in from London.
Gary: Oh.

Franny: Oh, Justin, if I was a girl your age...Gary, you know what? I should drive him down to Milwaukee. Have him visit one of those modeling agencies.
Gary: Hey, not a bad idea Franny. They take all kinds. Stan Parker's kid did a print ad for Home Depot. That's one year of college.

Raja: Justin! If you have not brushed your teeth yet, then perhaps we can brush them together! I think you will find that we brush just the same!

Justin: Mom! It's the first day of school! I don't want to be late!
Franny: (handing him his lunch) Here you go! Aw! Look at you! This is gonna be your year!
Justin: The only thing crazier than my mom pumping me up like that, was the fact that I believed her.

Justin: (Voiceover) It was at that point my mother decided to take matters into her own hands.
Franny: Justin you need to come with me. Now.
Justin: Why?
Franny: Grammy's dying.
Justin: (Voiceover) This is probably the cruelest way my mother could have tricked me.
(Switches to next scene in the car and Justin is crying)
Justin: I just - I can't lose Grammy right now.
Franny: Calm down. Grammy's fine.

Claire: Mom, I really need to talk to you.
Franny: Claire, not now, okay?
Claire: I want to go on the pill.
Franny: What?
Claire: It's my body. It's my life.
Franny: Okay, I can't deal with this right now, so please just go to the market and pick up a chicken for dinner and we'll talk about it later, okay?
Claire: Fine. By the way, I'm bringing Jeffrey tonight.
Franny: Wait. Who's Jeffrey?
Claire: He's part of this. I'll explain later.

(About Raja)
Franny: What are we gonna do?!
Gary: Franny, I don't think there's anything we can do.
Justin: But I don't understand, why can't we just like return him?
Gary: Franny, would you please tell your son that we can't do that?
Franny: I don't see why not. If I ordered a coffee maker and I received a toaster I'd return that.