Allo! Allo!

Gruber: It is not too late for you to change your mind, you know. Rene: There are 20 pistols trained on me. Gruber: My God! What have you done to this girl?

Mimi: There is no one to give her away. Yvette: With the communists, everyone is equal. They give themselves away.

Gruber: Rene, you did not tell me! Rene: It was all a bit sudden. Gruber: Not a shotgun wedding? Rene: More in the nature of an automatic with a silencer on it.

Alphonse: How are the trousers? Rene: Tight under the arms. Alphonse: They were stolen from the 500-franc tailor. Rene: Ah well, burglars cannot be choosers.

Edith: See? There are candles. There are flowers. You know what this means? Rene: Your mother is dead?

Rene: Ah, Edith. I see you are wearing another new dress. Does this mean you are to try out a new cabaret on your unsuspecting public?

(Leclerc and Edith rehearse a song) Edith: Monsieur Leclerc, when you get to that little bit, you do not follow me. Leclerc: That is because I do not know where you are going!

Yvette: Are you looking for a naughty girl to give you a good time? Alphonse: Please! Mademoiselle! I am a well respected member of this community, a pillar of society, a cornerstone of the establishment! How much?

Colonel Von Strohm: Gruber, how would you describe your relationship with René? Lieutenant Gruber: Well, just the normal conqueror and oppressed peasant.

Monsieur Alphonse: How are the trousers? René: Tight under the arms. Monsieur Alphonse: They were stolen from a 500-franc tailor. René: Ah, well, burglars can't be choosers.