Allo! Allo!

Herr Flick: You. Did you see the face of the traitor? Gruber: She was just an ordinary French girl. Herr Flick: Would you recognize her? Gruber: All girls look the same to me.

Michelle: Now listen very carefully, I shall say this only once. Fanny: What was that? Michelle: I shall say this only once. Fanny: Good.

René: What are you playing at? How dare you knock off the Colonel and the Captain in my cafe? What kind of a business do you think I'm running here? Michelle: It was not my group of the resistance, it was the other party. René: Huh? Michelle: We are De Gaulle. They are the communists. They do not understand that we are using you to help us blackmail the Germans into keeping quiet about the fact that we are helping you to help the British airmen to escape. René (confused): Until your explanation, I did not understand it either.

(Edith stops singing) Col. Von Strohm: Unforgettable. Capt. Geering: René, your wife has many talents. Col. Von Strohm: Singing is not one of them.

Edith: I shall sing to you a special song which I used to sing many years ago to our dear soldiers overseas. René: In the Crimea.

René: May I tell you a little legend, Colonel? It is said that these champagne glasses were modeled on the bosom of Marie Antoinette. Capt. Hans Geering: They should have modeled them on Helga's bosom. We would have got a bigger drink.

Col. Von Strom: You must be very careful with the painting of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies. Capt. Hans Geering: It is our retirement fund. Col. Von Strom: Our retirement fund? I found it! Capt. Hans Geering: Yes. But I know about it.