Allo! Allo!

Edith: Good evening, General. I understand you fancy a little sophisticated company to while away a leisurely hour? A man like you should always have at his side a beautiful woman. Von Klinkerhoffen: I agree. But sometimes the roulette wheel of life throws up the odd zero. Edith: Of course, I do not sit with ordinary soldiers, although they crave my company. Von Klinkerhoffen: Hmm. Well, it is war time. Men a long way from home get very desperate. Edith: Are you very desperate, General? Von Klinkerhoffen: Not yet.

Flick: You will learn, Helga, that no one stands up the Gestapo!

Crabtree: In my bog I have a cack. This cack contains a powerful bittory for the rudeo. Two of the cindles are the terminals. One is plis, the other is moanis. Can you gas watch is watch?

Mimi: Rene, night after night I dream that you come to my room. You hold me in your arms, you kiss me.You make wild, abandoned love to me. When are we gonna be together? Rene: With dreams like that, you hardly need me.

Rene: Why disguise it as a potato?! Michelle: Because you do not get carrots that big.

(Alphonse asks about the missing Rene) Edith: He is on a desperate mission. He has not come back. Alphonse: Ah. Well, should he not return, I wish you to know that I will consider it an honour to continue where he left off. Edith: Monsieur Alphonse, he left off when Hitler was halfway down the Polish Corridor.

(René returns to the café, disguised as a female German soldier.) Monsieur Alphonse: Thank God he is safe! The bravest transvestite in France.

Herr Flick: I expect the general is plotting to assassinate the Führer. This is a common fault in our generals.