Ally McBeal

Ally: Should I love John Cage? He just represents so many of the things I want in a man and he would be the greatest of fathers. Milter: Well, Alison, you're begging the assumption that love can be voluntary. True love can often be reduced to three anecdotal questions: How would you feel about raising children with him? How would you feel about sitting in front of a fire and talking about life and a movie, perhaps a book you just read? And how would you feel about him suckling a little whipped cream out of the cup-pith of your navel. Ah yes! Romance would have begotten a different expression on that one. Ally: But does true love have to be romantic? I mean, really? Milter: For most people… no. For you? Well... I have a test for that one, too. And answer me honestly. A lot of my patients lie! (Ally nods.) When you're home and the phone rings, what's the very first thought that goes through your head? Rrrring! Ally: Larry. Milter: So much for John Cage.

Raymond: Call me an "oink" but I think he still loves her. I don't think either one of us is getting any tonight. Ally: Oink!

John: I know you regard this as silly, but I used to think in a prior life I was Elvis. Richard: But, eh John, Elvis lived in this life. John: Ah, there lies the rub.

Raymond: You're cute, in a slutty way. Elaine: And men on the rebound just love me.

Ally: You seem sad. John: Well, Richard violated my hole. Ally: Hmmm. Well, let it heal?

Ling: It used to be women stripped naked to have a chance at greatness, now you have to do great things to have a chance to strip naked.

Ally: Did you, uh, strip naked for a semi-nude layout? Ling: My character wasn't growing enough.

Nelle: Believe that? Treat people rotten enough and eventually somebody will put you on television.

Ally: Elaine, it's Jenny's birthday. Do you think that you could possibly do a number in the bar? Elaine: Absolutely. Ally: Aw, you're such a giver.

Richard: A judge can't order that. Nancy: Well, he did. Richard: Well, that's against that, uh, thing... tell her, Corretta. Corretta: The Constitution. Richard: Exactly.

Glenn: Why not sleep with me if for no other reason than to find out what you were missing out on in college? Ally: Hm. Well, uh, statements like that convince that I was missing nothing.

Ally: I'm sure he's not going to want some woman who just jumps into bed with every Tom, Dick and Larry... Harry.

Richard: Ling's syndicated television show begins airing today, for all of you who longed to control the volume when she speaks.

Ally: I'm afraid that he's gonna think I'm one of those... y'know... Milter: Penis taunters? Ally: Yes.