American Dad!

Roger: (throwing his Rod Stewart vinyl collection at Leon) Choke on my Rod, sucker!

Man: So you're the fabled "Suit" I've been hearing about for the past twenty seconds. (pauses) Lets race. Stan: You're on, minority person.

Francine: I need excitement, but I think being kidnapped is a little too much. I need something between being a normal wife and being kidnapped!

Leon: (to Stan) You got the money?! Roger: You got the manners to say hello first? Leon: Hello.

Leon: Where's my money? Stan: If you're smart, in U.S. Savings Bonds. Leon: Your wife put down 50 G's on the race. Stan: What?! Francine, why would you bet 50 grand? Francine: I needed more excitement. I just wanted that extra rush, to feel that high. Stan: Good God, woman! Couldn't you have just had a Red Bull and a sugar cookie?! We don't have $50,000!

Hayley: I was so sick of Jeff, and now I can't stop thinking about him. I have to figure out a way to win him back from my stupid brother. Klaus: Your brother is not the problem. The problem is Agathor. Kill him, and you'll get Jeff back. Hayley: Oh, my God, you know how to kill him? Klaus: The question isn't can I kill him. The question is, "Do you like me?" Hayley: Not really. Klaus: Oh. Anyway, I know how to defeat Steve.

Francine: Stan! Stan: That's 2 Fast 2 Furious! Which means you've already seen the first one! How else could you possibly follow the highly cerebral storyline?

Roger: Well, that was about as obvious as the setup for the sequel at the end of Batman Begins. Stan: What are you talking about? Roger: You know, when Inspector Gordon gives him that Joker playing card. Stan: No, what about Francine? Roger: What about her? Stan: You sounded like you were gonna say something important about Francine. Roger: No. Don't think so. Stan: Oh. Okay. (pause) Roger: Oh, I remember. Francine is fantasizing about the street racer you saw last night. Stan: Why would she do that? Roger: Why would who do that? Stan: Francine! Street racers! Roger: Oh, right, right. My mind, my mind's all drifty today. Uh, anyway, you're boring, and Francine's stuck on the street racer because he represents danger and thrills. Stan: That's ridiculous. Francine doesn't think things she doesn't say. She's not a dog.

Roger: (falls out of the cupboard) Tuluk nuk nuk? Oh, I'm sorry. I've been locked in there for so long, I went all Nell and invented my own language.

Stan: Francine, I've told you, sandwiches should be cut in triangles like a neatly folded flag. What am I supposed to do with this rectangular monstrosity? Roger: Can't you just pretend it's an unfolded flag? Stan: No! Roger: God, you can be such a douche.

(car pulls up next to Stan's at an intersection) Francine: He's challenging us. Oh, Stan, are you gonna do what I hope you're gonna do? Stan: You bet I am. This punk doesn't stand a chance. (street racer starts revving the engine; light changes to green; Stan doesn't move as the other car races off alone) Francine: What are you doing? Stan: (takes out a notepad and pencil) Writing down his license plate so I can report him to the proper authorities for speeding... and for wastefully burning rubber. There's a war on, Francine, and it's going great.