American Dad!

Stan: (tries a drink) Mmmm. What is this? Bartender: A cuervo-cosmo-tini. I had my first one on Fire Island. Stan: An entire island made out of fire? How very manly!

(Stan hugs Steve) Steve: This doesn't make me gay, does it? Stan: Only if you get a boner, son... only if you get a boner.

Man #1: Stan, Nancy Calliope has been kicked out of the Langley Conservatives. Stan: What? Why? Man #1: We just found out her second car is a Prius. (everyone gasps) Man #2: Terrorist!

Francine: You want to have sex with a man? Stan: Francine, that's the fourth time you've said that. What doesn't make sense to you? Francine: We're married. I'm your wife. Stan: God, you can be so selfish. I'm doing this for me.

Stan: Steve, don't worry. I'm just spending time with them because they're letting me speak at the convention. Steve: So they're not gonna turn you gay? Stan: Of course not, kiddo. Now I don't want to be late for my first Log Cabin meeting. (in a high-pitched voice) Bye-zies! I mean... (in a deep voice) Bye-zies.

Stan: Wait. You got "gay" from Lincoln Lover? You... you people really grasp at straws.

Stan: (in a low voice) Greg, act casual. Get your stuff and meet me oustide. Greg: What? Why? Stan: There are gays here. Greg: Uh, Stan, I'm gay. Stan: What?! Does Terry know? Oh, poor, straight Terry! Greg: Terry's gay, too. He's my boyfriend. I thought you knew. The Log Cabin Republicans are a gay group. Stan: A gay group?! Oh, my God, you don't think... ? Look, I'm straight. I mean, yes, Francine's bat cave grosses me out every now and then, but...

Brett: Stan, I'd like you to meet my partner, Tino. Stan: Partner? What, are you guys, cops? Partners in a law firm? Tennis partners, golf partners, synchronized swimmers? Tino: You might say I'm Captain Derickson to his Lincoln.

Stan: Greg and Terry, handsome, successful, elegilble bachelors. We really should set them up with some nice women. Hey, how about your sister? Francine: Uh, I don't think so, Stan. Stan: Yeah, you're right. She's too hot. God, is Gwen hot! And slender, God! And that dress she wore at our wedding? Oh, I have never seen her more beautiful than on that day.

Stan: Remember, Steve, these hellbound folk have made a choice to be gay, and they won't rest until everyone else is gay with them. Steve: How do they do that? Stan: They're insidious. It starts with them asking to borrow a wrench and ends with you on a boat to Mykonos wearing a pair of assless chaps.

Security Guard: What does ERA stand for? Steve: Earned Run Average? Stan: A gay would have said "Equal Rights Amendment."

Stan: Your typical homosexual male will be in great shape, well-dressed, wearing sandals, holding a brightly-colored drink, and listening to Celine Dion. Steve: I own sandals. Stan: Yes, but you can't pull 'em off.

Steve: Didn't we already go through a security check? Stan: Oh, they aren't checking for weapons here. They're checking for something far more dangerous -- gay.

Stan: Terry, I heard you tell Greg that its open season, and you're the only gay guy I know who's still in town, so I was hoping to take you to dinner and then afterwards have sex with you. If my terminology is correct, I'm a power top. Terry: I'll get my jacket.

Steve: My first meeting of the Langley Conservative Republicans. Oh, I've dreamt of this day for as long as I can remember you telling me I've dreamt of this day. Stan: Plus, tonight is very special. They're going to announce who gets to speak at this years Republican National Convention. The buzz is your old man is a shoe-in! Steve: Awesome, Dad! You're the most abortion-hating, Stem-Cell-research-opposing, deficit-loving, affirmative-action-despising, Bible-thumping xenophone I know!

Steve: So then it's cool to alienate gays? Stan: Yes, it is, son, gays are the new blacks.

(Stan is making a speech to show how much he respects the patriotism of the Gay Republican Party) Stan: By God, these people love America as much as they love brunch!

Stan: It's very simple; if I become gay, the Log Cabin Republicans will know I'm one of them. They'll let me speak at the RNC.

Stan: Well, Steve, they kicked me out; they're not letting me speak at the RNC.

(Stan has been having trouble finding confetti to throw at the end of convention meetings) Stan: By God! Where did you get that confetti?

Stan: Look, this is ridiculous; how can you be gay and Republican?