It's Roger's birthday, and he begs to be roasted, but when he ends up devastated by the jokes, he vows to pull his life together. Things take a turn for the worse when Roger takes it one step too far, causing the Smith family to go on the run.
In preparation for a neighborhood pool party, Stan tells his family to get in tip-top shape. But when an accident ruins the Smith family name, a humiliated Stan fakes his family's deaths and moves everyone out of Langley Falls to escape his shame.
When Roger and Francine go wine-tasting, Roger plants a big kiss on Francine in a drunken moment. Francine decides to tell Stan about this incident, but when they sit down to talk, Roger convinces Stan that Francine started it all.
After Roger and Francine are victims of a mugging, Roger joins the police academy so he can learn how to defend himself and his loved ones, but he falls in with a corrupt cop who leads him astray. Meanwhile, Hayley's new friendship threatens her long-term relationship.
When Stan admits that his heroes include Ronald Reagan and the 1980 U.S. Olympic Hockey Team, including Michael Eruzione and Rob McClanahan, Roger confesses that he played on the team as Chex LeMeneux. But when Roger comes clean that he took steroids to win, they both lose. Meanwhile, Reginald tries to win over Hayley by taking her to a concert.moreless
Stan puts down liberal social programs because he thinks they're a waste of money and gives Francine a hard time for lending a helping hand at the local homeless shelter. When Stan develops a nasty addiction and needs help, he suddenly has a change of heart.
When Francine demands that Stan get rid of his gas-guzzling SUV because it's draining the family of money, he hatches a plan with Roger at the local horse track to avoid giving up his ride. Meanwhile, it's up to Steve and his friends to help out an old friend.
Upset that Hayley no longer wants his advice, Stan decides to prove that she is missing out on his sage counseling. After meeting a stripper on an important CIA mission, Stan takes it upon himself to improve her life and show Hayley that his advice works. But when he opens a new business, hoping to prove Hayley wrong, he finds himself dancing for cash to cover up his failures.moreless
Stan has to convince the dictator of Isla Island to sign a treaty in order to get a promotion at work. When Stan meets the General and accidentally kills him, he gets Roger to pose as the leader of the small island nation. However, Roger takes his persona too far and Stan has to rescue him from an impending revolution. Meanwhile, Steve and Snot become competitive to see who can get farther with the other's mom.moreless
When Steve is selected to sing the national anthem at the Langley Falls Veterans' Day celebration, he gets some heat from Stan who doesn't think he's ready for such an undertaking. Unimpressed with Steve's vocal talents, Stan decides Steve needs to experience real war in order to sing about our country's military prowess. But things quickly go south when Roger gets involved and Steve goes bananas.moreless
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