American Dad! Season 3 Episode 2

Francine: Now, come on, I made your favorite pot roast.
Stan: Get that away from me! (whacks plate out of her hand and shoots his gun at the plate) Die, calories, die!

Stan: That was one exhausting workout.
(beeps)
Stan: Oh, time for my workout.
("Let's Hear It For the Boys" plays)

Debbie: You had me at lasagna.
Steve: I never said lasagna.
Debbie: Yeah, but I was thinking about it.

Hayley: We were just freezing our...
Francine: Tampons!!
Stan: What?
Hayley: It's a woman thing, keeps them crisp, great in the summer.
Francine: More refreshing than a popsicle!

Stan: Hayley, are you wearing makeup? You look like a whore.

Steve: How ya doing, Dad?
Stan: Fat and healthy, son. In a few weeks, I'll be a regular Debbie.
(Steve starts crying)
Stan: Steve, what's wrong? What about the word "regular" set you off? Here, have a Little Debbie.
(Steve continues crying)
Stan: What, now it's the word "little"? You know what? Why don't I put on some Debbie Gibson and we can talk about it?
(Steve cries even more)

Zack: Hey, bro, I couldn't help noticing you're kind of fat and pathetic.
Stan: And you're kind of perfect and scrumptious. What's your point?

Stan: Where's Steve? Still caught in Debbie's gravitational pull?

Francine: Stan, you're being ridiculous. We have a guest out there.
Stan: Please, Francine, show some panic. Our son is dating a fatty.
Hayley: Dad, that's awful. Plus-size women drive our economy with their purchases of Garfield books and Haagen-Dazs.
Francine: You apologize to your son.
Stan: For what? You brought fat into our house.
Steve: You'd like Debbie if you got to know her, Dad. There's a lot more to her than you think.
Stan: There's more of her?!

Steve: Here she comes.
Stan: (looks at Debbie through the window) Where's Debbie? Behind that fat girl?
Steve: No, Dad, that's...
Stan: Is the fat girl going to lead us to Debbie?
Steve: No, that's...
Stan: She's carrying a purse. She must have a map to Debbie in her purse.
Steve: Dad, that's Debbie.
Stan: To the panic room!

Hayley: And this girl actually wants to spend time with you?
Steve: For your information, she said she thinks I'm cute.
Stan: So she lies. Great. That's how you know she doesn't have a penis.
Francine: We can't wait to meet her, Steve.
Stan: You can say that again. It'll be nice to have a pretty girl around the house for a change.
(Francine glares at him)
Stan: I-I meant a pretty, younger girl.
(Hayley glares at him)
Stan: Don't get mad at me. It's called makeup.

Steve: Good news, everyone. I'm in love.
Francine: Tell us about her, sweetie.
Steve: Her name is Debbie. She smells like a glue stick, she shares my interest in bug zappers, and she likes reading old books by guys who died of syphilis.
Francine: Syphilis? Ooh, la, la.
Roger: Great. Thanks to your gassing on, I completely missed why Mr. Belvedere is stomping on his hat. The internet is not going to be happy.