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American Horror Story S03E13: "The Seven Wonders"



Although we've come to the end of the road
Still I can't let you go
It's unnatural, you belong to me, I belong to you.

—Boyz II Men, "End of the Road"


That was a song I just wrote, did you like it? I wrote it because I'm sad. One of the most important things that has ever happened to me, a TV series called American Horror Story: Coven, is now over. A lot of people are going to be like, "That's okay, cheer up, there will be other important things down the road. More worthwhile things. Better things." First of all, shut your mouth. Second of all, no there won't be. Not like this. 

Not like this.

Ryan Murphy and Brad Falchuk's American Horror Story is a national treasure. When you watch as much supposed "prestige" television as I do, you realize just how special and audacious something like this is. AHS doesn't care about coherent storytelling or logic or reasonable pay-offs. (Most shows ONLY care about those things.) This one operates firmly in dream logic territory because guess what? That's where horror lives too. And guess who horror's next-door neighbor is? Comedy. Both genres thrive in that weird subconscious level below rational thought. Explain a joke and it's no longer funny. Explain a villain's motivations and he's no longer scary. Anybody complaining about AHS's lack of coherence is not only judging it by an incorrect rubric, they're really just admitting being uncomfortable without the safety net of traditional storytelling and they're mistaking that admission with criticism. This is the rare show where both plaudits and disdain are accurate responses, but the fact that that effect is intentional is what pushes it into genius territory. Nothing is less cool than using someone's self-deprecation against them, and that's what the worst critics have been doing: "It's stupid, it makes no sense, it's silly." THAT'S THE POINT. Okay phew, glad we could clear that up.

I could probably write another paragraph about how this show is a celebration of the actress; how it casually represents certain types of people who are legit never represented on TV; how its gay sensibility only seems overbearing when you actively ignore the fact that 99% of TV shows are geared toward straight dudes. But all of those arguments would mean I somehow felt the need to defend this thing, and AHS really requires no defense. It speaks for itself whether you like those statements or not. And one of the main gifts inherent in AHS's weekly presence is in its wish for us to simply sit back and take it in without having to stress about it so much. And I have taken it in. Boy have I! It's been a very long while since I've been as mentally engaged and delighted by a weekly TV show, and longer still since basically everyone I know has felt the same way (and have been eager to discuss it at every social event for months). This is what was once known as water cooler television, a concept that may be going the way of the buffalo now that most of us watch things in marathons at different times. But Coven reignited that sense of community for my friends and me, and all because of how brain-blazingly unexpected most of it was. I obviously can't gush enough about this show, its importance, and its quality. Yes, quality. There are tons of reasonable complaints people could make about its various creative decisions, just make no mistake about how MANY creative decisions were made throughout the season. And good ones. Just a truly insane amount of inspiration was poured into this show. Coven was truly a gift.

Okay, as for this finale! It was obviously crazy and upsetting and moving: All the necessary ingredients of a post-climax epilogue, which was what this was. For me the question of who the next Supreme would be has always been a bit of a red herring. That question added structure and a bit of motivation to the characters' actions, but the appeals of Coven had much more to do with chaos and possibility and the infinite power of a casually tossed-off one-liner. So Cordelia's ascension to Supreme might be satisfying for some and outrageous to others, but I simply didn't care that much. What mattered is I was riveted from minute to minute, I was sickened and alarmed by certain moments, and moved to tears by others. That's what this show is really about. It's about the spontaneous and the audacious. "The Seven Wonders" was absolutely a winner for me.

LET'S TALK ABOUT IT?


So first of all, the episode began with a Stevie Nicks music video? I honestly did NOT expect that. And like most things on American Horror Story, my brain went to war with itself over whether this was supposed to be funny or amazing. It was both? It was both.

Stevie Nicks just walked into the academy and started lip-syncing a Stevie Nicks song! First of all, that is why I keep my front door locked. Nothing against Stevie Nicks, she is probably not a robber, but I just don't need people barging through my front door in a top hat and spinning around my living room singing Stevie Nicks songs. I get the impression that this doesn't happen too often at the coven academy but personally that happens to me every few weeks and I wish Stevie Nicks would cut it out. Now that I have installed several padlocks she just sort of knocks and I pretend I'm not home and she stands in my holly bushes singing and I just have to wait it out. It's better for both of us that way.

Anyway, it was all a day-before-the-trials montage in which all four remaining candidates were practicing their witch skillz all over the place. Zoe levitated a bed while learning how to read!

Madison lit candles with her brain and also turned regular bath water into a bubble bath, but don't ask me how because I'm fairly sure the answer is disgusting.

Misty Day (LOL) made a bud grow. Classic Misty Day (LOL) skill. Maybe try BRANCHING OUT more? (Horticulture pun.)

Queenie laid down on the floor where she could practice her voodoo because apparently there was going to be an extra-credit question involving voodoo? I don't know. I guess she just likes voodoo. This was great though:

Nan! I liked this acknowledgment that Nan was an essential part of the crew. And hey those were the paper dolls she made in the first episode! That was a nice touch. (P.S. Nan is definitely in hell, right? I know Papa Legba promised her treats, but is the king of voodoo hell very trustworthy? I feel like Nan is in hell to be honest. Sorry Nan.)

And then Stevie Nicks gave the girls her blessing (was this whole thing a blessing? I mean besides to us the viewers?) and then went on her way!

QUICK SOMEBODY LOCK THE DOOR. You never know who will come barging in next! Knowing this coven's luck it'll be Cyndi Lauper and nobody has time for that.

This looked like a delicious meal. Man, witches are weirdos.

I loved this whole Last Supper tableau. If you really think about it Jesus was definitely a witch. Remember in the original Last Supper when Jesus made Thomas slap himself? Just kidding people who are relidge, I don't wanna make you mad. Laughter has NO place in His kingdom. Anyway, witches toasting to certain death. Intense!

The next morning the tests of The Seven Wonders got underway! Pretty much everybody moved a candlestick because these witches are not so basic as to be unable to move dang candlesticks, you know?

I loved that Queenie seemed annoyed that she even had to do it. Like, duh. "YUP." (Queenie was amazing in this episode per usual.)

Um, so also THIS part made me laugh so much. The mind control tests!


HAHAH gosh I'm sorry. I'm not proud of myself for finding lady-on-lady violence so delightful on this show. (Hold up, I'm just going to take a minute to kick back and reminisce about the time Misty Day kicked Madison's butt ALL OVER THE PLACE. Aaaaahhhh. Nice.) But yeah, Gabourey Sidibe had already delivered one of the most consistently weird/funny performances this season but her self-slaps were especially perfect. Good job.

This just seemed gross to me. It was NOT nice of Madison to get Kyle involved:

But then she made him do THIS?

And then right after he did that Zoe mouth-attacked him?

And then Madison made him strangle Zoe? But I won't lie, Cordelia's intervention was also HIGHLY hilarious. 

In fact, Cordelia's supervision of these trials was kind of amazing from the get-go. Just sitting there all blind and stern in her sunglasses and weird librarian couture. And when she casually tossed Kyle across the room it definitely occurred to me that she seemed a little TOO powerful to be sitting on the sidelines for this test. I SO SMART.

So then they all had to go to hell. The hard part was returning, though, and if they didn't do that before dawn they'd die. Queenie, Zoe, and Madison all returned quickly, though we only got to see Queenie's hell because there was leftover B-roll from the previous episode? Madison described hers as having a secondary role in NBC's Sound of Music Live (oh Ryan Murphy you catty B.), and Zoe's was having to break up with Kyle over and over on a loop because teenagers.

Unfortunately Misty Day (LOL) did NOT wake up with the rest of them!

And her hell seemed very terrible! It involved being forced to dissect a live frog, then reviving it, and then repeating the whole thing over and over.

(I really related to this frog btw.)

And then she couldn't escape! And then this happened:

Her body turned into ash! So just to get this straight, Misty Day (LOL) the gentle swamp bohemian not only WENT TO HELL, she died permanently in a way that prevented resurrection. OUCH. That one hurt. But it's not called American Good Times Story, you know? It was a tough break for such a wonderful character. But we knew there would have to be fatalities in this episode and she was merely the first. 

Then everybody agreed to forget about Misty Day (LOL) and just play teleportation-tag on the lawn!

Obviously this shift in tone was completely out of nowhere, but I really liked seeing them cut loose like this. They'd been under a lot of hateful pressure recently and this was a delightful reminder that they're all just kids. And how cool to see everyone smiling!

BUT THEN WHOOPS! Oh Zoe, you went and did it good this time. (BTW what on EARTH?)

Fortunately one of the trials involves resurrection, so Queenie and Madison were tasked with doing that. (It was only fair, seeing as Madison and Queenie had both died previously. Zoe still had at least 1-up left.) Unfortunately Queenie just could not breathe the life back into Zoe, so that was it for her test. Which left only Madison! Except she did NOT want to revive her only remaining competition.

She passed the test anyway by reviving a dead house fly. Which, in my opinion that seems easier than reviving a human being, but I don't make the witch rules. Take it up with the witch refs.

Poor Kyle. His main lady and resurrector and bedmate and mouth-buddy was now dead! I bet NOW he was really starting to regret not going to Epcot.

So at this point it looked like awful Madison was the only remaining candidate for Supreme, and she was already mouthing off about how she planned to follow in Fiona's awful footsteps. That presented quite a conundrum for Cordelia!

Because NO DUH. Cordelia was going to have to challenge Madison for the title. So she did!


She basically breezed through the trials! Then came this one, the divination one, where she had to scan some pebbles and find a trinket hidden in the house. Something like that.

Cordelia did it NBD but Madison had HELLA problems. So she quit!

It was fantastic. She told everybody off and then threatened to report them to TMZ and then stormed out of the room. It was all very classy. I've definitely left rooms that way. But it also meant Cordelia was the new frontrunner for Supreme!

Anyway, then Kyle murdered Madison.

Then Spalding was like, "I'm BOUT IT." He didn't say that. But for a ghost he sure was nosy. Just kidding, all ghosts are nosy. Ghosts are jerks. 'Bust them ALL, in my opinion. But let's not lose track of things: Madison died! I really liked Madison. She was very mean and terrible but boy was she funny. I really hope Emma Roberts comes back next season, she was a very good addition to this show. R.I.P. Madison.

Oh, so that meant Cordelia was the last remaining candidate and she had one test left: resurrection!

And remember that whole thing about the Supreme being in perfect health? That suddenly happened too!

Her eyes grew back all of the sudden! And they had makeup on them! And her hair was looking real good even though she'd been lying on the floor for a few minutes. Man, being a witch isn't ALL terrible. Anyway, CONGRATS GIRL.

Coven was American Horror Story's second season in a row that ended with Sarah Paulson giving an interview. In this case one of the detectives from Homicide: Life on the Street was interviewing her about her decision to "come out" as a "witch" and openly invite other witches to come stay at the academy. I guess this was supposed to be a landmark, watershed thing for the coven, that they're coming out of hiding finally. But in real life aren't there constantly women claiming to be witches and everyone just assumes they have mental problems? Anyway, in this world that kind of thing is cool, so it was a victory for everybody.

UP NEXT: Liza Minnelli talks about her hip.

(That is the mega-clue about Season 4, right? Something Judy Garland related? Or maybe it was just a random Liza Minnelli reference because this show decided to do something gay FOR ONCE.)

Then Myrtle walked in and harshed Cordelia's vibes by reminding her that Myrtle was a legit murderer and needed to be executed again.

Haha Myrtle. She truly is an eccentric. Anyway, Cordelia eventually relented and agreed to murder her adoptive mother-figure. So suddenly we were back at the quarry stake!

Myrtle was careful to tell Cordelia how proud she was of Cordelia, in case there was any question about whose call this was. And then came Myrtle's most famous last word, another instantly quotable/.GIF-able line that only American Horror Story could pull off: She shouted out the name of her favorite bag designer.

Bye Myrtle! You were truly special. 

Oh but then came a twist:

Fiona wasn't actually dead! She'd faked her own death by implanting a fake memory in Axeman's head by spitting in his mouth!

Apparently her plan was to bring herself close to death in order to see who the next Supreme was, and then murder that Supreme and then suck all the life back out of her again. Or something? It did not seem like a great plan, particularly when Fiona realized that her own daughter ended up being the Supreme! So that plan was off and it looked like Fiona was here to basically just say goodbye and sorry.

Because this is American Horror Story and Jessica Lange's on it, you were right to expect a final, tear-jerking speech and this one really worked on me. Fiona basically just explained why she'd been a bad mother: Having a child is just a ticking clock on your own life. But "I loved you plenty," she added. The expression on Cordelia's face confirmed that was news to her. Devastating stuff. Then Fiona kindly asked her daughter to finish her, Mortal Kombat-style.

And after a stirring speech by Cordelia that Fiona should face her death bravely for once, Fiona fought back tears, hugged her daughter (for once), and finally, finally passed away.

It was very sad, guys. 

But then WHOOPS! Guess who went to hell?

The joke was that Fiona went to hell that was actually Axeman's heaven. So every morning she wakes up in a crappy cabin with Axeman shoving fish in her face and then they slap each other and she scream-cries about being in hell.

And she was NOT happy about the building materials.


Haha Papa Legba, you rascal. So yeah, fierce, independent, glamorous woman Fiona will now have to live in a hell where everything is low-rent and a man slaps her around. Yikes! Serves you right, I guess? Fiona did some very terrible things and a little last-minute redemption doesn't really erase them. Oh well. Literally enjoy hell, lady.

Whoa, check out the new butler! Something tells me the new students will prefer this butler to Spalding. What do you think? Sorry to be controversial.

And then we got the closing scene in which Cordelia cordially welcomed a gaggle of new witches! She made Zoe and Queenie her personal council, so they got promotions or honorary degrees or whatever it is this academy gives out. (They are still uneducated though, right?)

Yeah, I'm not going to lie, this probably isn't a happy ending. Remember how, over the course of the season, everyone had fights and tried to murder each other? Don't tell me that Cordelia being in charge will fix all that. She's probably only a few days away from somehow poking her eyes out again and then everything will devolve into a battle royale situation. But for now, though, everyone was hopeful.

And that was it! Cordelia was the Supreme, the academy's enrollment was robust. All the loose ends were tied up.

Well, all of them but THIS one:

WHO WAS THAT GUY? Why was he in the credits? Why didn't we learn more about him? Is he the Season 4 clue? What was UP with that bony demonbaby? He was adorable. Get out of my nightmares, though! Man I am going to miss him.

Well, that's that. This season is dunzo. I loved it with all of my heart. What a true celebration of actresses and comedy. Don't listen to bozos who complain about it being "a mess" or "it didn't add up" or "it was not as good as previous seasons." Those are FALSE COMPLAINTS. Television doesn't have to conform to some kind of formula. It doesn't have to set things up nor pay them off. It merely has to set off dazzling fireworks in our brains. I don't know if I've seen a drama as brave and hilarious as this one, nor something that trafficked so heavily in dream logic and, uh, nightmare imagery. I am always suspicious of people who think "it made no sense" or "it was unsatisfying" is a legit criticism. What they are really doing is stating a plain fact of a certain kind of storytelling: Few things are as unsettling as surprises, and that's what this show is about: Going its own way. Wait, isn't there a song about that? I can't remember. Anyway BYEEEEE

I love you very much and I hope to see you in voodoo hell.

LET'S DO THIS AGAIN IN OCTOBER!


QUESTIONS

... Are you mad about Misty Day's fate?

... Did Cordelia deserve to be Supreme?

... Did Fiona deserve her particular voodoo hell?

... Do you think Queenie will still think about the minotaur?


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 1/13/2016

Season 5 : Episode 12

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Great review, as always!!! I just now watched this Season, having forgotten about the charm of this show for about a year. To my delight, my fiance decided to join me in it and we've been having fun picking apart just what it is that enchants us about AHS. Your reviews are so great at pointing out and dissecting exactly that! And, of course, your humor and voice are singular.

One thought re: Cordelia --
I did consider her as a possibility, since it'd be the MOST surprise ending and AHS seems to be all about that. I think the most poignant thing about that revelation is the deeper thing it brings to light -- the power of confidence and how it is built up or torn down by those around us. Delia was such a great example of why a nurturing, encouraging environment is so valuable for witches and, maybe, anyone? to emerge into their true gifts as a person. Also, how hard it is to live in the shadow of an icon and how much that f*cks with one's self-esteem, sense of capacity, etc. So it was that much more satisfying to see her rise into her power.

Now that I think of it, it is kinda funny that Myrtle, a few episodes back, was being the OPPOSITE of that encouraging presence which she ended up being (and crucially so) in this finale-- ie. in their little talk in the garden room where she suggested she take up a normal-person profession and just admit that she sucks as a witch.

But hey, it was good dramatic material.
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This finale was so ridiculous! Cordelia married a witch hunter, and was incredibly stupid yet was the supreme. Fiona said she knew it from her birth, yet she spent the whole series trying to scout out the supreme and kill her. It was such a huge deal (to Fiona) when Madison acquired pyrokenesis early on, because only supremes had many powers, yet by the end literally all the witches in the house had nearly all the powers - even Nan did! Also, I remember in the first few episodes someone said it isn't unheard of for supremes to have 5+ powers, yet to be crowned supreme you must have ALL of those specific 7 later on - what about mind reading/clairvoyance like Nan had, or are these considered lesser powers? Might've misinterpreted something that was said or misheard but i distinctly remember that being said.
If Cordelia said she knew Madison wasn't the supreme to Fiona because she had a heart murmur, then why could Cordelia ultimately end up as supreme when she was infertile?
And why wasn't Zoe let back into the competition once she was resurrected? She could obviously do the teleporting stuff, and her abilities in that were good enough to pass, but because they continued the game and she was impaled she's out?
Everyone had telekinesis, but Misty found it such a struggle to move the candle? Queenie resurrected Misty but she couldn't bring back Zoe? Huge continuity errors here! And Queenie betrayed the coven by going to Marie, but now she's on the council!
Also, I don't understand why Madison couldn't fight off Kyle? Are all your powers suddenly nulled when you're attacked?

I REALLY liked this series, but seriously, the writing was so sloppy!
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Oh, and also, Zoe's weird sex-killing power, and the strange new power at the end of the zombie chainsaw massacre were never really developed.
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"One of the most important things that has ever happened to me, a TV series called American Horror Story: Coven, is now over. A lot of people are going to be like, "That's okay, cheer up, there will be other important things down the road. More worthwhile things. Better things." First of all, shut your mouth. Second of all, no there won't be. Not like this."

In retrospect, perhaps a little dramatic seeing as only a few months after this episode concluded the best season of AHS by miles, there would apprear, just down the road in Lousiana, another show called True Detective which IMO redefines television. Maybe it's something in the water down there on the bayou?

That said, this has been 13 pretty miraculous episodes of television.

"So just to get this straight, Misty Day the gentle swamp bohemian not only WENT TO HELL, she died permanently in a way that prevented resurrection. OUCH. That one hurt. But it's not called American Good Times Story, you know?"


Still, I had me a little crush on Misty. I know not everything about each season can end all sunshine and rainbows, but still...Misty :(

PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Bring Angela Bassett back for season 4
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I'm sad that this season is over :( and I have to say I was rooting more for Zoe to be the next supreme especially when she stopped that zombie attack and Marie Laveau said that it must be a very powerful witch to do it, so I feel like that bit was wasted lol esp by the fact that they almost killed her off in the most childish and clumsy way.. Anywhoo even though I hoped Zoe would be supreme I kinda always had Cordelia in the back of my mind. Also I def don't think Queenie deserved to get such a happy ending, she switched sides and even helped Marie in trying to get rid of the other coven and now she is on the council for it lol...

On another note I too was wondering what was up with that demon baby haha I thought they would introduce him at some point but nope :/
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Bony demonbaby deserves a spin-off! I can see it all; t-shirts, mugs, visiting Ellen.
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"Something tells me the new students will prefer this butler to Spalding. What do you think? Sorry to be controversial."
Haha, something like that went through my mind the moment I saw that scene too! Boy, is he going to get hit on. Zoe's gonna be pissed!
Great review, and I'm also hoping we'll see more of Emma Roberts in the show's future.
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I like the review here a lot. I think I said this before: Price, your reviews are the best!
But I don´t agree about COVEN, sorry. The first season of AHS was very good, then the second season was even better. Third season was interesting, even funny, entertaining, but far from dark and scary enough as the first two seasons. Season 3 unfortunately tried to be to original, but luck most of the good things from previous seasons. But, YES, it was funny. Does this help?
I hope next season goes back to the mysterious dark surreal ways of season 1 and 2. And I hope that you Price keep doing the reviews ;)
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Have to disagree with Price a little; I enjoyed this season but it would not rank first for me. Much like Pixar whose main criticism is usually comparing Pixar movies against each other - AHS overall has been a great show! but now the thing to do seems to be to compare its own seasons against each other.

I just felt the first two seasons' finales blew me away with how they wrap things up and made me want to re-watch the first two seasons again to see how well-crafted the story was from beginning to end. Coven was just a little different - there was still mystery and plenty of unpredictability to it but not as strong and connected throughout the entire season as the first two seasons were. When I would recommend this show to people, I would even try to caution that you might not realize how much you truly love it and how great the story is until the finale. I wouldn't worry about making that recommendation with this season - which is not an entirely bad thing.

This coven season had great characters - I love Emma Roberts this season and I still highly anticipated and enjoyed each episode.

It just the first season remains my favorite - I couldn't stop myself from watching the whole thing in a marathon session when I decided to just try out the pilot one night.
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"AHS doesn't care about coherent storytelling or logic or reasonable pay-offs. (Most shows ONLY care about those things.)" is that your excuse for bad television, then how come shows like under the dome or the Following doesn't fall into the same category as AHS, they certainly have the same things in common. This was the only season I watched of this show because you know, witches but it was the most useless waste of time
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wow. ahs is rated 8.5 on imdb. in other words, its phenomenal!
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Well deserved I'd say.
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Misty was by far my favorite witch and I didn't care for her fate whatsoever. I would have rather seen Queenie suffer Misty's ashdown but I guess that would have caused the show to exceed its hour time frame. They would have had to call in the 1-800-GOT-JUNK crew from A&E's "Hoarders" to remove that amount of burnt waste. Hopefully Lily will be back for AHS 4.
I couldn't keep a straight face during Stevie's music video but I knew they couldn't resist the song title reference.

All in all, a great season and worthy of at least a thumb's up. Bring on season 4!


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Price, for a person who once professed to have nothing against ghosts, your spectralphobia in your recent posts (across multiple show recaps) has been overwhelming. GLAAD (Ghost/Lich Alliance Against Defamation) will no doubt be having a word with you shortly.

But on a more positive note, as part of your public service to rehabilitate your character, I suggest you contribute some fan fiction to TV.com during the AHS hiatus all about your little buddy in the picture. I doubt anyone could do a better a job than you. Just be sure to include some friendly ghosts in your stories, ok? (And no mention of Casper! He's a complete stereotype!)
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So, does ghost butler take Emma Roberts back to his room as last time? What happened to Angela Basset's stolen baby he took?? Wouldn't Cordelia magically discover what he is/has been doing eventually???

This season was, for the most part, pretty good, but I felt it fell apart a bit in the last three episodes or from when Nicks first appeared. It started with a lot of energy and fun, but started to retread the whole Supreme thing and devolved into hack-n-slash bloody violence rather than more cleverly using witchcraft itself to punish the Hunters and/or Huston's Axe Man character. It's like they ran out of steam or ideas and rushed to finish it. I had other minor issues too, but no matter now.
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LOL that last pic cracked me up!! XD
I am mad Misty Day ended up that way, she was a lovely person and deserved better, but I thought the same thing, this is a horror show so of course not everyone can have a happy ending.
I think it was ok that Cordelia ended up being the Supreme, all the time I thoguht it would be Zoe, and only for a couple of secs considered Delia, but discarded it cause I saw it as the most improbable option and didn't think the writers would be as obvious as to go that way. It still made sense and I think she will be the best ruler of them all.
I miss this show already! T_T
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Well, loved the entire season, story, characters, such a great show! But, and this a big butt here, I am so upset that the densest, most incompetent, naive witch became Supreme. And that Misty Day (LOL) died like that :c
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am i the only one angry that queenie did not have to spend eternity serving fried chicken to millions after all she did to try and destroy the coven while misty day was a gentle and beautiful soul. this really angers me.
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Yeah Price, Thank you for all your reviews on AHS.
To answer the questions above I never thought of Cordelia as the supreme. She is weak, married a witch hunter, and so on. What I don't understand is why Fiona/Jessica Lang was in voodoo hell?? she had not sold her soul to papa Legba. No agreements or what so ever whit him, so why?
For me the first and the third season were the BEST!
The third because of Angela Bassett and Kathy Bates.
For years Bassett, Lang and Bates are my 3 favourite actresses. The Best!
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I think she was only weak because being around her mother, who never once encouraged her or nurtured her abilities/ belief in herself, made her exhibit her weaker tendencies rather than her strong ones. Once her mom was out of the picture and the stakes were higher (ie. the future of the coven), she strengthened. I think her marrying the witch hunter made sense because she was so weakened in all of her judgments and powers by her messed up relationship with her mom and what that did to her self esteem.

The one thing that did not add up, though, which someone pointed out above, is that she was infertile which is NOT an aspect of glowing health that all supremes should have.
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Maybe it wasn't infertility.
it could be that a witch can't have children with a witch hunter.
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"What I don't understand is why Fiona/Jessica Lang was in voodoo hell??"

Remember that Papa Legba, told Fiona she had no soul. It was already gone. That's because she gave her heart and soul to the Axeman. He kept saying to her, that they had a deal.
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Hm... I don't remember her saying she gave him her soul? Her heart, maybe, but I'd think a soul-giving-up would be a very explicit kind of conversation. When did that happen? I don't think Fiona was ever that much legitimately in love with Axeman, and she never saw him as having THAT much power to get her what she wanted so would not have let go of the very pricey bargaining chip that is one's soul to THAT guy.

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Thanks, got it.
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I just thought it was because she was an evil murderess, but now what Papa Legba said finally makes sense!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH! I regret I only have one thumb up to give your post.
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Love your name, sir or madame. But is the PP for Private Practice?
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Oh and i love your name too. My favorite show of all time!
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Sir, L.G. is my name. Point Pleasant is for the PP, ended in 2005. It was a supernatural thriller series, by the co-creator of Buffy on FOX. The daughter of the Devil (unknown to her), washes up on a New Jersey beach. But it's suppose to be her training ground. Dark forces pull at her, trying to turn her to evil.

It only lasted 8 episodes in America. It had a cult following in Europe, especially in Sweden, and lasted for 3 more episodes. Then the studio killed it. But they added two episodes for the dvd. The last episode was written and shot, just for the dvd. The show started out soapy, but change in episode 5. By then it was too late. But a couple of the episodes, made my top 10 all time favorites.

Most of what i watch is Sci-Fi/ Fantasy/ Horror. I have a few exceptions. The Blacklist, Breaking Bad, The Americans, Boardwalk Empire, Dallas. I used to watch all the cop, lawyer, and medical shows. But that was many years ago. Now i pretty much stick to my preferred genres. There is much more of those shows now, then i can ever remember before.
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I used to live in Point Pleasant NJ!
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"Zoe levitated a bed while learning how to read!"

For those who were previously complaining, now here's the answer to why she immediately learnt how to read Latin. lol
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Thank you so much for doing these reviews Price. They are always absolutely hilarious. I genuinely wish you had been a writer on Coven - you would have made it much funnier. I could imagine the scene where everyone runs around to see Zoe impaled on the fence and Madison is standing there saying "Mistakes were made". Plus could you please please please please x infinity do reviews for season 1. We would worship you as a god for doing it. Seriously. We would create a temple for you and everything. I'm not kidding. I'm building it now.
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Price's temple would no doubt end up filled with raccoons and Skittles if his past recaps are any indication....
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Cannot believe that the season is over...!! This was one of the best Series/Season i have seen (except Charmed)...
Loved every second if it. Even Stevie Nicks, singing in the beginning...
Poor Misty...was soo so sad the way she died. That was really awful...
What i didn't get was Queeni, she had brought Misty back from the dead, so why couldn't she bring Zoe back???
Anyway loved how Cordelia, started go up against Madison...
I couldn't believe that Madison was killed. She was screaming how powerful she was etc etc...and minutes later she is killed by Kyle...couldn't she use one of her powers, to push him of her? it was weird and upsetting...
Then Cordelia became the Supreme....you know i hadn't seen that coming...i even didn't know that she was that powerful, as she looked so weak till she became blind....! Loved how she told the newsguy about witches...
Poor Fionna...the way she died, was actually sad scene...but then her hell was awesome to see...that's what you get for being a lousy Supreme and a huge bitch....
all with all, loved how the season ended...hope to see all of the girls back next season! They were all awesome..!!
Thank you Ryan Murphy for this fantastic season!!!!
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Charmed was awesome!
some answers:
Queenie resurrecting Misty was prolly more Misty's power of resurrection. Remember she was burned at the stake and came back to life by her own.

and Madison was powerless against Kyle, cause her confidence was gone. Same lack of, that kept Cordelia's powers down.
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So now we know who Abaddon really was and why Lost ended the way it did...
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One presumes that since there was a "Witches Council" that there must be other Covens? Otherwise, what did the Council preside over? Was "the Supreme" the queen of just this coven of 7 or 8 people, or the queen of all the witches, or if there were other covens did each coven have a Supreme? If there were other covens and there is only one Supreme, then wouldn't other witches be interested in the outcome of the Seven Wonders or perhaps send a "Hunger Games" contestant of their own? It seems like a waste that Misty lost her life competing for a title to reign over 5 other measly witches. Who exactly would it upset if Myrtle didn't pay for her crimes? Why didn't Madison use her vast powers to stop Kyle from choking her? What exactly is the purpose of the Coven apart from the school? There are innumerable other questions regarding this season on AHS.

This show to me was really little more than a collection of scenes that were wonderfully entertaining. You don't have to defend the lack of coherence by insulting all of us who loved this show enough to actually discuss its problems by telling us that we're simply "uncomfortable without the safety net of traditional storytelling." It's okay to say you liked something that's bad. I'm a chef and I sometimes eat Little Debbies. It doesn't mean you're not an intellect.
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Effing hilarious. Great review. So sad this season is ended yea I guess there were some minor things I could critisize I think "Milaneh" summed those points up but overall I enjoyed it. My one thing for this episode though was that I didn't like the way Madison died not that she did die but how. She was just ranting about how much power she had and that she could bring the walls of the house down around them and I mean yeah she probably could have. Not to mention she completed all but 1 of the 7 wonders yet allowed some reanimated boy toy that she herself resurrected to take her out NO WAY, there's like a dozen things she could have done to put him in his place. But in the grand scheme of things I guess that was the only way they actually could have gotten rid of her and it was somewhat fighting I suppose. Oh and I so called it about Fiona not being dead but that she was a step ahead a Delia and somehow plated that vision no way the writers are killing off Jessica before the finale. I love how she was fabulous until the very end though even in hell the first thing she did when she woke up (besides closing those dusty curtains) was slip her feet into a pair of designer pumps.
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VERY sad, upset, and angry at Misty's fate. She was the kindest and most good of all of them. The show didn't have to do that. But I guess thats the point Coven was trying to make,,,that the good deserve eternal torture and punishment. That one scene ruined the entire season for me.
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I would like to know how many people expected Fiona to still kill her daughter. I guess in the long run for the future of the coven not a good idea, but I just knew she went to hug Cordelia to cut her throat.
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I thought that, too. Either that, or that - since Myrtle made such a big deal about witches who kill other witches having to be punished - Fiona was trying to coerce Cordelia into killing her, so that she herself would be taken out and the Coven would be without a Supreme.
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I sure expected her to try.
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Now that the whole thing is over, I finally have formed a definite opinion on "Coven". And it was actually a bit of a disappointment.
It was filled with weak characters, pointless story lines and bitchy one liners.
While it was still one of the best things on TV, it hardly lives up to what previous seasons had to offer us.
First of all, there was no "horror" in the story. Sure, there were brutal scenes, but brutal is not the same as horror. It's just... unsettling.
Then we had sooo many underdeveloped plots!
It started off as a witching academy where they did not teach them ANYTHING AT ALL. Then there's Zoe's killer vajayjay witch was never explored nor explained. The list goes on! Cordelia's infertility was irrelevant. The religious neighbor was pointless (I expected at least some religious fanaticism vs witchiness moments). The whole voodoo-witches rivalry was also underused and let's not even talk about witch hunters! That was supposed to be a big deal, but it was resolved in like fifteen minutes!
The main theme was the Supreme race and that turned out to be underwhelming as well.
And the characters... Fiona was supposed to be a strong woman, but she really wasn't! She was a desperate woman. She doesn't even come close to the greatness that sister Jude was, or the awesomeness of Constance. She was not even that much of a complex character. I mean, Jessica did a great job as always, but all the attention Fiona was given seems forced to me.
Zoe and Kyle were horrible, horrible, horrible. Evan got the dumbest role this season, and Zoe was just blah. Taissa Farmiga did NOTHING to make the character memorable. I'm not even sure Zoe had a personality.
Misty Day should NOT have died like that. They should have let her go back to her swamp... She was a nice character and she should have stayed an individualist, instead of joining the Coven of horrible women.
Queenie was ok, I guess. To much of an a*hole at times, but entertaining. I still believe she was supposed to be Marie Laveau's successor, though.
Delphine LaLaurie was pointless. She had nothing to do with witches or voodoo. Kathy Bates did a phenomenal job, but the character adds nothing to the overall story.
Cordelia had her ups and downs. Ending up as a Supreme was too obvious. She was the underdog the whole time and even though the show tried to convince us the Supreme is one of the four girls, it was only that more obvious that it isn't any of them. And not like there were many other witches to choose from.
It was unfair to kill Nan, IMO. She should have been in the race for the Supreme! She was one of the better characters, honestly.
Spalding was creepy for the sake of being creepy, but the ghost thing was done in season 1 and they went over the top with it now. It makes no sense why he came back as a ghost, also.
The MVP's of the season were Marie Laveau and Myrtle Snow. Myrtle's trajectory was the only one that made sense! Other than that, Francis Conroy was DIVINE in this role!
Marie, on the other hand, was just too awesome for words! She brought so much to the show this season!
As for Madison, my feelings are mixed. Her character was the one with the most wholesome story and everything about her seemed to make sense. The thing that is making me confused is whether her typical teenage crap is a good thing, or not.
And about deaths on the show... In order for killing a character to have an impact of the viewer, you cannot make it a mundane thing! The fact that most of the characters are horrible makes their deaths a relief, not a shock. Not to mention the fact that even the characters don't care for other characters' deaths. Killing for the sake of killing is just dull.

I'm sure there was something more I had on my mind, but I wrote too much already.

Anyway, my expectations after "Asylum" were much much higher than what "Coven" had to offer! I hope the creators do something better next season. Everything was all over the place! Also, I cannot help the feeling that this season has been much more superficial and shallow than the previous ones. The lack of male characters is something that should not become a practice, either. Luckily, the nature of the show allows it to be completely rebooted and redeemed next season. I will still be waiting forward to the next season.
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>Then there's Zoe's killer vajayjay witch [sic or pun?] was never explored

Kyle explored it!
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LOL
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I actually couldn't agree with you more. I did enjoy watching Coven, but I had basically every single complaint that you mentioned.

Kyle especially bothered me this season, he started out with an interesting plot and then just devolved into a scary, mumbly dude that hung out upstairs. Even when he got his voice back, he barely had any lines. Lol, I realized after writing these last few sentences, just how similar Kyle and Spalding were, and not because Kyle took over Spalding's job. They both ended up being just a couple of creepy mutes who resided upstairs. Anyway, I know they wanted to focus on female characters being that it was about a witch's coven. But every male character was annoyingly one note, imo.

And Zoe! I really wanted to like this character if for no other reason than because of how much I liked Taissa Farmiga's performance from the first season. But I just couldn't even muster any feelings for her either way. At least with Madison, I could love to hate her. But with Zoe, I'm pretty sure she could have disappeared halfway through the season with no explanation and I wouldn't have cared.
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I'm not really sure what's the deal with Zoe, really.
She is just written badly. I don't think it's Taissa's fault.
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Don't hold back now; tell us how you really feel about it!

*lolz

J/k, that lengthy soliloquy was more than enough.
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I just felt the need to say it!
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Clearly.
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Hahahaha great funny review...I nearly wet myself ;)
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I loved every second of the 'Coven'. It was entertaining, visually dazzling, strongly acted, a few of the characters dominated the 2013/14 year of TV, dialogues were snappy and intelligent, twists over the top, magic was finally used more than enough, there was a good storytelling flow etc. There were a few weak points, but as opposed to 'Asylum' which was: 1/3 okay, 1/3 awful, 1/3 brilliant (chronologically), this season has been pretty much constant on a 'pretty great' level. Peace out and broaden your entertainment mind.
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Was "Jansport" really Myrtle's last line? I couldn't make it out but it sounded like something completely random as usual? I went back to try and see what she said but couldn't make it out so I just decided to wait for your review cos I just knew some hilarious comment would be made about it with the corresponding screencap.
I was sad about Misty Day (LOL) being sent to hell. I thought she was going to be the new Supreme. hashtag sadface... :( Madison being killed with not even a hope of her killer being caught was kinda cruel, no? Is that just me? She was definitely a bitch but her death was still cruel, right?
I agree, this show is NOT about logic, and it shouldn't be... that's what makes it so great. Please remain in the realm of non-logic AHS! Cannot WAIT for the next season... every year I keep waiting for it to be crap and not as good as the last one cos, like, how do they keep making it better? How can you make Angel Basset better?
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No; Balenciaga.
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Great finale! It was very nice to see that, after all the crap she had been put through (her husband turning out to be a witch-hunter, being dissed and abused CONSTANTLY by her mother, being blinded [TWICE!], etc.), Cordelia came out on top.

Also, did anyone here know that Sarah Paulson was Merilyn on American Gothic? I did not realize that until recently.
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Nan would have been a better choice. Cordelia was weak.
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I have already commented with my own opinion of the episode, but in my frenzy of feelings about the wonderful finale, I completely forgot to comment on the post itself. Price, wow is all I can say. Although I'm sure it does not compare to the hours you clock, I too watch a truly ridiculous amount of "prestige" television. Yes, we are in the golden age of television, and there certainly are many other shows I am insanely in love with, but there is something so special about American Horror Story. It's really hard to put your finger on, but it's there, and your post sums that up fantastically. There is something so thrilling about a show that doesn't care about any form of logic, even within the world it creates. And there is no show that does that like AHS.

By the end of this season, you're right, I didn't even really matter who the supreme was. All I knew was that what had just taken place on my TV screen was refreshingly right. Once again, well done. This is truly one of the best articles on a television show I have read in a very long time.

Oh, and the pictures are obviously brilliant.
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Sad excuse for a finale. I don't really know what happened. The episode before this was amazing. I didn't have my head blown once during this finale.....disappointing :(( Just seemed.....basic....
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Can Emma's auntie, Julia Roberts, be on next season? And Meryl Streep? AHS: Osage County.
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Fantastic. Perhaps a Fiona/Marie style faceoff between Emma and Julia?
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That was so shit. This season started out great but towards the end it just started to suck more and more. This finale was just terrible. What a waste.
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I don't know about Queenie, but you, Price Peterson, will certainly still think about Gabourey Sidibe masturbating in front of a Minotaur.
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Cordelia being the supreme kinda made sense. Had the good genes and all that.
I liked this season. Id' say it's better than the 1st one, but the 2nd season is still the best. Man, I so loved it. I have to re-watch it. Now.
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I LOVED the Stevie Nicks music intro - that was great!

I felt so bad about Misty being the first to die/fail. :( She didn't deserve that, but then the best and most innocent characters in this season died - apart from Cordelia. She deserved to be the next supreme IMO. I had hoped she would be. The few good people in AHS usually die...

I think some things were off in this finale though. Like, how Fiona NOW said she knew her powers were weakened the minute she gave birth to Cordelia, as if she knew she would be the next supreme later in life, but earlier she didn't have any clue who would be the next supreme... That seemed more about "yeah, we need a twist in the end - Fiona's not dead, SURPRISE!"
I also didn't like her ending up in a hell where the Axeman gets his "heaven"... He was a serial killer for christ's sake. He didn't deserve to get any kind of heaven. There was no justice regarding him.

I felt it was weird how Myrtle had to be burnt at the stake (again) for murder to set some sort of example, when Zoe murdered Spalding... Why did she get to survive and even become a member of the council and Cordelia's right hand? That didn't seem right.

I also didn't like that LaLaurie got a terrible eternal hell being tortured or watch her family be tortured, when Laveau, who was just as bad, didn't get an equally bad punishment. After seeing how evil Laveau was, I don't believe her hell by torturing others was as bad as LaLaurie's being tortured...

I would have liked to know who or what that devil thing in the credits was.

Anyways, GREAT season!
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I think Fiona was in denial about Cordelia being the next Supreme, just as Cordelia was in denial about being the next Supreme. That denial fueled a lot of the conflict in this season, because had Fiona been more nurturing/had Cordelia been more confident earlier on...much of the horror could have been avoided.

As for Fiona's hell, I really don't buy into her ending up in the Axeman's heaven. I think her hell is being with him, and his hell is her ruining his idea of a perfect life for all eternity.

In regards to Lalaurie and Laveau, their hells actually seemed like the most appropriate. Papa Legba fed on suffering, not necessarily innocent souls. Laveau saw her daughter in every innocent soul that she sacrificed to Legba. Once she was dismembered by Lalaurie, her fate was to spend eternity torturing the innocent daughters of Lalaurie. As for Lalaurie,..I don't even think seeing her daughters tortured by Laveau was her hell, I think being forever trapped in a cage was.
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OK, I didn't think about it that way, that she would be ruining his ideals, but then it didn't seem fair that he got to be out in the country like he wanted AND he got her for eternity, even if she was unwillingly there. He also slapped her around, so it felt like it wasn't so bad for him as it was for her.

I get that Laveau didn't like torturing and that she saw her daughter in the sacrifices, BUT considering all the horrible things she had done = murdering, sacrificing babies to Legba, torturing her minotaur lover with "eternal" life as a minotaur, burying someone alive, hanging those innocent daughters in the first place etc. It didn't seem like torturing others (especially those girls she already had hung in the past) would come so unnatural to her, like it wasn't as bad for her as it was for LaLaurie to be tortured in a way. I still believe being tortured is worse than being the torturer (especially for someone who's already a murderer), but that's just me.

Only good reason is that Legba obviously wasn't into what's fair or not, just into getting souls.
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>>>"As for Fiona's hell, I really don't buy into her ending up in the Axeman's heaven. I think her hell is being with him, and his hell is her ruining his idea of a perfect life for all eternity."<<<

Agreed, completely.

Why on earth would the AxeMan (did they ever even bother to name him?) get to go 'to heaven?'

He was a freakin' serial killer, for f*ck's sake.

O_o

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What they did to Misty Day was totally messed up. Such a lovable and sweet character, and a fellow Stevie Nicks fan! She really did not deserve to be condemned to biology class hell. I know the season is over but I'd like to think that the first order of business for Delia after getting the school up and running again is rescuing Misty from hell.
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And last year the character Lilly Rabe played the nun that was possessed was so nice before and then killed herself to kill the demon (or so she thought I think it ended up in another body so that was another pointless death). If I were her I'd go to Murphy and say I'd better survive this next season or I ain't doing the show.
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For me, Asylum started off so promising and exciting, and then fizzled-out after the Anne Frank episodes. This season started off slower and got more exciting with each episode (for me at least). I loved this season, this was my favorite AHS finale.

The Stevie Nicks opening scene... amazing!! Now I'm almost disappointed that David Bowie's going to Hannibal. Imagine a David Bowie-filled season of AHS. drool...
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Curious. It's pretty much my feeling but reversed.
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There's no logic that season. Any lol like, why Queenie couldn't resurrect Zoe if she did the same with Misty last episode? And why Misty was so aprehensive about moving the candlestick, if some episodes ago she openned the dead man's coffin with telekinesis?

Yell, this season ended up, and the feeling is that it never started. To be honest, the thing I most enjoyed this season, was Price's reviews, along with Madame Lalaurie and Myrtle.

No war between clans, no war between witches and witch hunters, no cruel Madam Lalaurie becoming "Fiona's biggest enemie", as Ryan sayid, no Myrtle getting revengfull and dangerous upon Fiona...well, Coven was a huge letdown.
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that guy in the credits was actually the alien from season 2.
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what actually did Myrtle yell? i rewound it a few times & had no idea

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I believe she yelled Balenciaga - her favorite designer.
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her news interview reminded me of last season

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Could Courtney Love be on AHS? She is a an actress, she's covered Stevie Nicks, & she has songs that reference witches etc. ("Burn the witch, the witch is dead. Burn the witch, just bring me back her heeeeaaaad" "Like a liar at a witch trial, you look good for your age", "Hey, I'm the one with no soul--one above and one below!") Maybe I could just make a fan video for AHS with Hole music (if I knew how to make videos : )
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yeah 2 bad about misty day.
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Isn't it funny how the axe murderer is the only person to die and NOT go to Hell? Then again, that was probably just to make Fiona's Hell even worse.
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I loved the reviews, and I agree that those that have extremely harsh criticism are losing the forest for the trees and should stick to something like Sleepy Hollow bc this series is OBVS a different beast and, to me, is more about letting allegory and archetype play around onscreen and telling a story through a very visual means (like how characters' clothing shows their allegiance and motivation in each episode).

Someone on the internets has said that this whole season falls apart when watched in succession, and I agree but I don't think that's how it's supposed to be consumed. If you pick up any random episode and watch, and understand the general motivations of the characters as stock characters (myrtle is an outcast amongst outcasts with a furious devotion to the coven, Fiona is team Fiona and sometimes that means propping up the coven bc it makes her look like a better supreme and sometimes it means killing the new supreme so she can live longer, madison is a stone cold bitch that loves hard drinking, etc) each episode is a little artistic parcel to be consumed.

I DO think it is fair to say this series can be measured by a different rubric because it purposefully puts things like continuity and cohesive story below things I've mentioned such as playing with archetypes and visual storytelling. I can tell the things the show puts as priority, and it accomplishes them well. I like this show more than, say, Sleepy Hollow, because I like abstract art you have to interpret over traditional show/storytelling
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Can someone explain the logic behind Myrtle's explanation that Cordelia could be the next supreme because she has "Royal Blood"? It was never stated that the supremacy was passed from mother to daughter.
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i guess it didnt HAVE to be her, but maybe it made it easier for her to rise as the next supreme.
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