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"Why am I doing this" I ask myself as I edit the screencaps of American Horror Story: Hotel's first episode. But I could probably ask the same question to Ryan Murphy about certain scenes. (Hi, Ryan! WHY, Ryan?)

If we talk about the previous seasons, my personal relationship with AHS has been just me checking every season's premiere to see if I'm interested in going any further. So far I've completed two seasons, one being the beloved first season "Murder House" and the other is "Coven." (Which was fun for the most part.)

I admit that the season premiere "Checking In" had certain moments that made me ask myself if I wanted to keep watching but I survived AND spent two days working on this recap, so there must be hope. Also the talented and beautiful cast is definitely one of the factors that keep me interested in the show.

Matt Bomer & Kathy Bathes, this one's for you.


The episode starts with someone gently knocking, knocking at our door.


Oh lookit.

2Imagine seeing this outside your hotel room.


So we don't know what this guy's deal is but he was having a mental breakdown or something.

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A couple of Swedish ladies show up at the hotel. They talk about wanting to visit Universal Studios and maybe see Vin Diesel but the hotel isn't really close to anywhere they want to go. So when they step inside and see that "It's like a tomb" they decide not to stay.

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Yeah, receptionist ( Iris ) says they've already paid for one night so they might as well stay.

I also feel like she's talking to us "Trust me, this place will grow on you."
We'll see, adorably creepy Receptionist Iris / Kathy Bates.

Then she looks into the camera with some sort of sadistic anticipation.

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Later one of the girls (Vendela) goes to get some ice and runs into a maid who's super chill about washing blood and looks kind of ghostly.

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Then this brat comes up with his "Shining" routine.

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Because that's not creepy at all...

I'd be throwing holy water at that kid if he just stood and stared at me in the hallway of an old hotel.

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Someone reaches for her hair as she gets ice.

Whose hand is this? That glove rocks. (That's a glove, right? You never know with monsters)

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She feels something's off but then returns to the room to find her roomie complaining.

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Uh, hate it when that happens.

Agnetha suspects the smell's coming from their bed.

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So Vendela decides to check with a knife and it turns out, their room came with a surprise guest. Yay?

I got the best caps during this scene:

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So beautiful.

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The opening credits aren't nearly as disturbing as the previous seasons. Actually it's kind of funny.

My favorite monster so far.

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Just something special about this one.

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Back with the girls who are alive and unhappy.

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Iris tells them they'll get arrested for evasion if they leave so they agree to stay in another room until the police comes.

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They're EATING her friend. These girls have the worst luck.

Then we see a detective walking to a crime scene somewhere else.

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There isn't actually music in this scene but you might as well imagine it with that

Our detective John Lowe has a permanent frown which reminds me of this guy:

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Honestly, he kind of seems like a poor man's
Will Graham so far with his insight on the killer's motives.(#SaveHannibal)

John's currently working on a case about someone who punishes people for committing adultery and possibly other sins as well.

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He talks about why the killer removed their eyes and tongue.

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(How dare you.)

The male victim who had his tongue cut makes pleading noises for them to actually save him from the situation he's in, instead of just standing there.

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Later John looks at murder photos.

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Surprise: He has a cute daughter.

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He reads her "Little Women" ( which is
really cute and one of my favorite lines is in the same section: "He was as nervous as a witch and as cross as a bear." )

Moving on, a cop comes to tell John he's got a phone call.

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No, it's
Daddy & Daughter time.

Don't interrupt him.

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Why is he so mad though?

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He receives another call, from a persistent dude who just wants to hear his voice.

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Take a hint, murderer dude.

In the meantime we were blessed with this cutiepie named Gabriel and I was so surprised to see Max Greenfield.

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He says it's bullshit to pay so much for the room and Iris' face is sooo much fun. And by "fun" I mean "murderous".

She gives him the room 64, which is the number the creep on the phone gave detective John.

Back to Max / Gabriel, I was ridiculously excited to see him. His character seems interesting and entertaining and I loved his interaction with Iris / Kathy Bates. I hope he's safe for a few more episodes. (ha ha)

Then this lady called Sally shows up and looks like a total predator.

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Hmm, these two don't really seem to like each other.

Gabriel goes to the room and after he shoots heroin he sees the happy maid.

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And this is when the scene that
definitely didn't need to be that long happens and Gabriel gets raped by this horrible demon guy with some spike dildo and it makes no sense. I wondered why it happened and what was the purpose of the scene and all I could find online was how Ryan wanted to show how horrible Gabriel's addiction was.
So this demon is drawn to addicts? And was the assault a physical manifestation of what the addiction does to a person's soul or was it a punishment from the demon's perspective? Either way it was horrible.

So let's ignore that part and move on for our sanity's sake.

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She gives him the keys and asks Liz Taylor (Denis O'Hare) to take him to the room.


She's adorable.

Liz starts talking to John and she turns out to be very insightful.

"You've lost something and now you're frozen in time."

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You got that right, look at those eyebrows.

The eyebrows of anguish.

Speaking of anguish, I really really hate this part with Sally, Gabriel and the monster guy.

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Sally asks Gabriel to tell her he loves her and she'll do something to end his suffering.
For a moment there I thought she killed him and maybe she was death herself but I have no idea what went on there.

Later John and Liz arrive at the room 64 and I love the moment when Liz opens her palm but John says he doesn't have any cash on him so Liz says "money isn't everything," and leaves.

I really like the emotional depth Denis O'Hare brings to the role even though he had such a small screentime.


John finds nothing in the room so he decides he needs a nap because why not?

I mean where else would you rest if not in the room your murderer bff uses to murder people.

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Comments (15)
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Oct 27, 2015
Is Price not going to do recaps for ahs any more? I'm so bummed
Oct 16, 2015
Only halfway thru the recap and I love it! Precisely what I crave for each AHS, but even better! There's flower crowns and cute blushes and HANNIBAL REFERENCES. (Glad I wasn't the only one who thought he was totally ripping off Will Graham) &3 &3 &3 Please do more episodes!
Oct 16, 2015
Thank you, so happy you enjoyed it! I'm not sure if I'll have the chance to do them every week but I've also recapped Hannibal if you want to check them out
Oct 14, 2015
I haven't watched this one yet, but I kind of want to, because this is awesome.
Oct 14, 2015
Oct 13, 2015
Aw adding that blush to Bates just made her look like such a cutie pie.
I've seen some debate over that rape scene. I've heard the 'artistic' reasons of it being drug addiction and so on and why Sally was there. I wasn't made uncomfortable with but like many I was a bit baffled and once the confusion passed I went, "I think that was a gratuitous rape just to shock the viewers."

Some have tried to defend it but let's be honest it was more to shock the viewers than anything else. I say that because you could use something else to convey the pains of his addiction and Sally's part in alleviating that pain without rape. I am hoping that later on they explain that creature to justify what happened or else it becomes as significant and as useful as Zoe's killer vagina in Coven.
Oct 14, 2015
I think it was done to shock the audience as well but it's not the violence that shocked me personally, it's just the weirdness of it and how it came out of nowhere.

I mean, an addiction demon raping people with its dildo doesn't really make people think "oh so this is what addiction does to people" because addiction doesn't really butt rape people.

And using rape to shock the viewers is a troubling choice by itself but sadly I'm not even really surprised about that one anymore.
Oct 14, 2015
There was actually a moment where I admired the demon's thrusting. Then much later I wondered if the screaming was because it was cold metal. My mind drifted to stupid trying to contemplate that.

I like the idea of a literal addiction demon but for it to just suddenly bend you over with a drill strap-on is strange. I could see it as something that is pleasant at first then suddenly screws you over. Ugh think of any poor mobile game addict stepping foot into that place, one minute they're trying to beat level of the latest Kings game and the next thing you know you're bent over a moldy smelling arm chair from the 90s.
Oct 14, 2015
"because addiction doesn't really butt rape people." I beg to differ. Sure not in the literal sense but it sure does f*** you and anyone close to you over.
Oct 14, 2015
Of course addiction f***s you up. But Ryan didn't have to have a monster literally rape Gabriel to show that instead of taking the time to show his misery as an addict.
Oct 13, 2015
I've decided I'm just going to read your great recaps instead of actually watching AHS, which seemed like nothing more than a 60 minute Lady Gaga music video.
Oct 14, 2015
Did you watch a version I didn't? I didn't see any singing and she wasn't in in it that much. Her 'acting' is a bit forced though.
Oct 13, 2015
Glad you liked it!
Oct 12, 2015
This is so funny and awesome! "Eyebrows of anguish" LOL
Oct 12, 2015
Thank you! Happy you enjoyed it!
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