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(The judges told Alison Schoening to return later to overcome her nerves)
Simon: And when you come back here, imagine Randy in his swimming trunks.
Alison: (to Simon)
I was already imagining you but that's probably why I sucked so..
(Randy & Paula screamed)
Paula: Touchdown!! Touchdown!!
Randy: The best comment of the day, I love that!!
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Simon: (on contestant Tessie Mae Reid) You know when you buy a sack, and you try and stuff it, stuff it full of potatoes, and you just keep pushing and pushing.
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(during Allison Schoening's audition)
Allison: Okay you're laughing, I'm going to stop.
Simon: I'm laughing because I had a cat once ...
Allison: I'm nervous and shaking.
Simon: ... who's tail got in a door ...
Randy: Aw, stop it Cowell.
Simon: ... and I swear to God it reminds me of that.
Randy: (to Simon) Stop it! Stop it!
Allison: I know I didn't think I was going to be this nervous.
Simon: It was absolutely ... it made me think of it.
Allison: I swear I don't ordinarily sound like this.
Simon: It was like, Slam ...(imitating a cat) Rrrrowww!
Randy: Now that's rude dude, that's rude.
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Simon: (commenting on Cierra Johnson) Absolutely awful. I'm really surprised. I ... for whatever reason, I thought you were going to be really good. It was terrible.
Cierra: Can I try a different song?
Randy: Nooooooo.
Simon: (trying to be funny) Silent Night, but take off the Night.
Cierra: (starts to sing Silent Night) Silent Night. Holy Night ...
Simon: No! I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! No, I didn't mean it!
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(commenting on Jason Horn a contestant who works and a funeral home)
Randy: Wow. I guess you can learn from the, uh, dearly departed, dude. I mean that was really good.
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(commenting on Paula Goodspeed)
Simon: I don't think any artist on earth could sing with that much metal your mouth anyway. You have so much metal in your mouth.
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(talking to Julian Riano)
Simon: There are so many reasons why you are wrong for this competition. Where do I start?
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Paula: I hope Simon is in a good mood today. Because he hasn't been. Yet.
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Randy: Smiling Eyes of Texas. Come on Austin show me what you got!
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(Rene Norman's performance of Ain't No Sunshine)
Randy Jackson: Welcome to Hollywood!
Rene Norman: You're gonna change!
Randy Jackson: Change me, change me!
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Contestant: Jigglypuff, Jigglypuff...
Randy Jackson: What's wrong with Austin?