American Idol

This is Memphis, man. Memphis is the heart of rock and the blood of soul. Memphis is where the blues got its color.

First up was cheerleader captain Frank with backup women cheerleaders and tuba players. He sang "Heard it through the grapevine" but the three judges thought he was over the top and not ready.

Dead and disoriented Chicago Tamika sounded not so well & we will not return.

Gum smiling Alexis was incoherent. She was singing sounds but no words.

Chris's seashell necklace brought him no luck as he swallowed his tongue while trying to sound like¦..well, maybe a broken beer bottle.

But after a long draught, we finally felt that "it" factor when Sundance Head belted the blues. His girth was exceeded only by his talent. He is on a fast track to Hollywood.

Travis promised us the emotion of love to celebrate that he and his woman made up.

We were getting tired of all this lack of talent until sweet soft Danielle's voice ignited our flame. Although she did not impress she needs a diet. Randy, she is flying to Hollywood. And with a little work, she may make it into the finals.

With finding a new woman on his mind, big Georgian Topher had recently booted his unfaithful run around wife to the curb and was hoping to make American Idol his redemption. But he didn't live up to his own hype. But don't worry, girls, he is still looking.

Looking like a back alley cheap 10-minute date, Janita jiggle and wiggled but could not sing.

We were all surprised when a young look-alike Fidel Castrol with a sunset red shovel style beard actually could sing and was selected for Hollywood.

Elvis entered the building and told us he would set it on fire. Well, it was really Robert the pretender. And he lied. He could not sing, he could not dance, and he was so not Elvis. But get this, he really believes that he is the next Elvis.

Should I mention the name of the freak who sang Hunk of Burning Love while unzipping his pants to pull out a handkerchief? No, I think not.

Proud new papa Philip was not there for his wife's delivery, but instead waited in line for his audition. His wait was rewarded with a gold ticket and then he dashed to meet his new family.

We did have a fantastic feast when background vocalist Melinda dazzled us with a voice that will sell songs will sing to a paying audience. She is heading to Hollywood and in the three cities thus far, she is by far the very very best talent. She is what makes American Idol so promising.