American Idol

Starting off our auditions this year is Joey Catalano, 19, of Mays Landing, New Jersey. He has recently lost over 200 pounds and even this morning looked in the mirror at himself and said, "Wow." Now he can do awesome kicking jumps and likes to do it because he can. There's something in him now that's on fire, and he doesn't feel like he's holding back. He sings Maroon 5's Sunday Morning for the judges. Paula tells him he has a nice voice, and Randy calls it quite excellent and pleasant. Simon agree, but is nervous about whether Joey really could be an American Idol. All three vote yes and send him on to the Hollywood round.

Alaa "Yukka" Youakeem, 25, of Jersey City, New Jersey. The judges have a lot of fun with his name, and he admits liking Paula because she's a good singer and she dances good. Simon asks if he wants her to be his woman. He sings How Deep Is Your Love, and Paula is impressed with how he phonetically learned the songs, and she stammers over it, but says she doesn't think this is the right competition for him. Randy finally saves her and tells Yukka that singing isn't his thing, while Paula adds he should keep singing for his own enjoyment. As he leaves, Simon tells Paula that she shattered his dream.

Melanie Nyema, 26, Los Angeles, used to sign backup for Taylor Hicks. She calls him fantastic and a Southern gentlemen, but when asked by the judges what he told her about them, she says he didn't talk about them much. She sings Unwritten. Simon calls himself completely neither here or there, and I understand, but both Paula and Randy like him. Randy encourages her, though, to go the extra mile, and she's sent through to Hollywood.

James Lewis, 22, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, is a tour guide, and thinks the judges will find his voice unique. Yet, he goes on to talk about who he sounds like, Paul Robeson or Eddie Vedder. He sings Go Down Moses, and yeah, it's low like he promised, but just terrible. It's very low, but not baritone, just ... odd. There's an uncomfortable silence with too much of Paula's laughter and Randy's hidden face behind his papers, and he starts singing again. Randy finally ekes out that singing isn't his thing, and Paula asks for forgiveness for her laughter. There was just no way to explain it, as James promises to be back next year with more contemporary music. I'm not so sure that will help.

As Nick Stano, 22, of Massillon, Ohio, starts singing, Ryan guesses that this is how the Liberty Bell got its crack. This is followed by many others that don't sing well, with Simon telling one gal just to shut up. Another guy sings a lullaby and he does well to put the judges to sleep.

Junot Joyner 25, of Bowie, Maryland, sings The Blues by Elton John and is probably the best so far today. Simon tells him he has a very good voice, and when Junot asks if it's good enough to go to Hollywood, Randy tells him yes. Jose Candelaria 23, of Bayonne, New Jersey, sings with a great Hispanic accent, and Paula tells him definitely. Jonathan Baines, of Smyrna, Delaware, is really good for a younger guy. Simon thinks so too, as do the others that send him and the others on to Hollywood.

Temptress Brown, 16 , Philadelphia, plays middle linebacker at school. She promises if you make her mad enough, she'll break your bones. Temptress wanted to audition for her mother as she's very sick, and it's hard for her to breathe. Her mother says she's proud of her, and she's a perfect kid. She fells guilty, as her daughter should be concentrating on other things, and not helping her all the time.

Paula is told Temptress has one dog, two cats, and ten kittens. Simon admits here he likes animals. She sings And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going, and it's not too good at all. Simon starts with the positive, telling her he likes her because she's a sweetheart, but tells her nicely she's not a great singer, yet points out she took on one of the biggest songs in the world. As Temptress starts to cry, Paula tells her not to be sad. She asks to sing another song, but they won't allow it. Paula gets up to give her a hug, and it turns into a group hug. When Temptress says she can't go out there, Simon offers to walk her out and says they'll talk about her kittens. See, that big lug has a heart after all. The judges tell her family to be very proud of her, and Paula gives Temptress' mom a hug.

Mark Hayes, 18, of Folsom, New Jersey does a great cricket impression. He sings White Christmas, and messes up the words.

Next up is Udgeet "Udi" Sampat, 28, of Horsham, Pennsylvania, who does finance work, incorporating music into his workplace. He dresses up like MC Hammer and Elvis combined, saying it was pimp like, as he did the MC Hammer dance. He felt it was a creative way to lead the meeting. Oh, I'm sure it was. People tell him he sounds like Barry Manilow, and still others Frank Sinatra. He sings My Way, and it's another monotone mess. Simon asks if he actually thought he'd have any chance of winning, and calls it tuneless and one note all the way through, as well as disturbing. Udi asks for an explanation, but I don't think Simon could expound on this anymore. As Simon goes on to say he has no future in singing, Udi says he can accept constructive criticism. Constructive, as in making it better?

At this point we get the snippets of everyone that sings bad singing the same song, and this time it's I Love Rock 'n Roll. We get everything you can actually imagine, as far as voice, looks, an angel, and the Andrew Sisters. Interesting.

Nothing is more interesting than Alexis Cohen, 23, who says she marches to the beat of a different drummer. She claims people look at her like she has twelve heads. And well, she has what looks like sparkly eye shadow on her mouth and eyes, huge earrings, and wow. She lives in Allentown, PA, in a studio apartment with her mom. She has two cats and a dog, because she's studying to be a vet. Alexis is also an artist, and her paintings and drawings are very good, actually. She is hoping her personality will be colorful enough, and well, the outside is, so I'm not sure what is left to be colorful on the inside.

Alexis wishes the judges peace as she walks in to her audition and claims to be comparable to Janis Joplin, Grace Slick, and Pat Benatar. Today she sings Somebody to Love, and Simon calls it a little too possessed, like she's channelling those other voices, and doesn't think it's the route for her. She could wind up in a band, but he don't think this is the right thing for her. Everyone passes on her, suggesting she be in a 60s cover band, and Randy wishes her peace and love. When she leaves, she says Simon used very, very bad words, and calls him egotistical. Inside, Simon is wondering who played the Green Goblin in Spidernman, and he hears it was Williem Dafoe. Alexis is still going on, saying he sucks, but she wants to leave with her dignity, yet gives the camera the finger. She vows to go into "actressing," and flips the camera off again, then showing the camera her ass. Alexis also sticks out her tongue.

Angela Martin, 26, from Chicago, got pregnant in her senior year, and her daughter now has some problems, Retts Syndrome to be exact. She started having seizures at 2 years old, as her brain wasn't growing. She wants to do this for her. Angela's whole family, and some friends as well, are here rooting her on. It's not about fame for Angel, but about getting her daughter the best care. Here's our feel good story of the year. She works full time as a singer back in Chicago as the lead of her own band. Tonight she sings Signed, Sealed, Delivered, and is quite good. She has a great naturalness about her. Simon calls it a good audition, but thinks she picked up some bad habits singing in the band. Yet, he thinks she doesn't need that, as she's great without it. He wants her to de-weddingize. All three vote yes, and she's in. He family attacks her in celebration.

Oddly, Simon notes here what's interesting about this country is we're genuinely happy when someone we know does well. This is odd to him. Is it really odd to the British people, though, or just him?

Day two of the auditions begins, and Elyse Wojciechowski, 20, of Havertown, Pennsylvania is told she has Taylor Hicks' moves, but I think his were much better. Her musical influences are Eva Casssidy, Lauren Hill, Alicia Keys and Regina Specter. She sings Feeling Good, and basically she's only screaming as she crescendos. Simon calls this identical to a nightmare he had last week and lets her go. Of course, we have some more join in in a montage that are just as bad. As one sings, How Would I Get You Alone, Simon says she wouldn't.

Milo Turk of Abesecon, New Jersey, is way too old to legally audition. He wants to sing a song for the judges that he wants all kids to hear. No Sex Allowed. He explains to the judges his songs need to be heard by millions of people. He's really 39 he says. He's stomping as he sings, and it's just really weird, but you can tell he really believes in this message. Simon calls it perverted, which Milo disputes. Simon explains in Britain they would call it creepy. They can't vote on Milo since since he's not of age, and he leaves happy, because life is great. In America we call it creepy as well.

Kristy Lee Cook, 23, of Selma, Oregon, lives in a log cabin, fishes, kickboxes, and trains for cage fighting. Horses are one of her passions, and she usually buys horses when they're young, trains them, then sells them. To come out here to try out, she had to sell one of her better horses, but she's competitive, so she thinks she can win. Randy and Simon really get off on the cage fighting thing, suggesting it's done in Jello. She sings Amazing Grace, and is unbelievably good. Simon likes her country tone and says she reminds him of a 60s singer. Paula likes the tone of Kristy's voice and everyone gives her a resounding yes. Simon, though, would like her to come back to Hollywood worth more confidence.

Benjamin Haar, 27, of Newark, Delaware, is wearing a cloak, hiding something underneath, which he won't reveal. He wants it to be a surprise. It's a bikini top thing, with mounds of chest hair, a necklace, and a skirt with fabric only in the front and the back. They do not even want to let him audition, and Paula can only focus on the chest hair. He asks if he can come back if he shaves his chest hair, and she approves it, completely confusing Simon as to why she went along with this.

Next up is Paul Marturano, 32, New Hope, Pennsylvania. He sings a song to Paula about stalking her and wearing her underwear. He wants to walk her, talks her, stalk her, and even Peter Falk her. Simon eventually asks him to leave, saying it's a little creepy. The nice men called security come to take him away.

Beth Stalker, 28, Grand Blanc, Michigan, is a stay at home mom, who sings in clubs at nights. When she was 4, she recorded an album of Sunday school songs, and she thought every child did the singing and dancing thing at 4. She sings Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered, and has a nice older tone to her, very pleasant sounding. She's peaceful. Simon genuinely doesn't think she'd stand out in a crowd, but Randy likes her, as well as Paula, so she's in.

Benjamin is back, after taking Paula's advice. He waxed all his body hair off. Paula can't believe he actually did it. He starts to sing Don'cha, and they make him stop right away.

Chris Watson, 20, of Dover, Delaware, is about to finish off his Associate's Degree. He sings Follow Me. Simon pronounces him good, and says certain people are like that, just look like a star. He might have an interesting recording voice, as Simon compares him to Babyface. Randy agrees it's different and wants him to step out of the same notes for a larger range. Simon thinks the chicks will like him, and Chris says that's what he's here for. He gets three yeses and he's through. With his golden ticket in his hand, Chris thinks he could go really far with this.

Christina Talisano, 24, of Enfield Connecticut, is next and she has her hair done like Princess Lea. She's wearing fishnets and a Star Wars belt buckle. Christina is looking to do this, as she can't do anything in her town unless she becomes a correctional officer. In every other sentence she works in, "Duh." When she has kids, they will have names out of Star Wars. Another contestant helps her fix her hair and accidentally takes off a cinnamon bun. She doesn't consider herself sexy by any means, but likes that guys come in droves to take her pictures. Knowing she has genuine talent as a singer, she sings the Roger Daltry version of Don't Let the Sun Go Down One Me, and she's better than I thought she would be, but not great. At least she's not laughable ... other than that hair. However, Randy calls it a strange audition, as she talks about getting to Los Angeles for the Star Wars convention. She gets noes across the board, and Simon tells her to give his love to the Wookie as she walks out. She falls into her waiting grandparents' arms, and takes off the cinnamon buns. Christina figures the reason she didn't get through was because of the buns.

Last, and hopefully not least, it's Brooke White, 24, of Van Nuys, California. She's a nanny for 1 year old twins, and calls it rewarding how these little people can be friends to her. As for something interesting about her, she tells Simon she's never seen an R rated movie, as her parents wouldn't allow it, but now it's become her choice. She also doesn't drink and smoke, but she's been married for three years, and her husband doesn't watch R rated movies either. Simon jokes, "I'll be upstairs in a minute, Darling. I have to check something on the internet." She sings Like a Star, and she is. Randy likes her purity, and Simon thinks she's sincere with a nice voice. He'd also like to bring her over to the dark side, and she dares him, in which he vows he only needs a week. Unanimously, the last person in Philadelphia gets through to Hollywood.