Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Wendy: Don't worry, you're not shallow. Jessica: Are you sure? Because I do find attractive men attractive.

Mr. Pickering: I was nice to people all my life, and where did it get me? Dead! And I wasn't even nice to them.

Byron: Do they sell meaning in a burger shop? Keith: No, but sometimes there's a maze on a place mat.

Jessica: I don't want to be shallow. I should be able to appreciate someone for their inner beauty. Andy: Well then get ready to run up a bar tab.

Byron: It's against my religion to have sex for three months before my Zuminion. Andy: Well, can't you get credit for the other 29 sexless years of your life?

Byron: So what did you think? Keith: Your religion makes the best yogurt.

Andy: I hadn't been to church in a while. God and I had a falling out. I said the Cubs should win a World Series sometime, he said they sucked and always would suck.

Andy: Maybe we can come to a service sometime or something, learn more about it. Byron: Really? You would do that? Andy: Yeah, this is a whole side to you I don't know anything about. Keith: Besides, who wants a five trillion ton sheep mad at him?

Andy: So this sheep in the sky, tell us about it. Big? Small? Byron: Each one of its hairs is the diameter of the Houston Astrodome. Keith: Well, that's a big sheep.

Andy: I didn't say this before because I wanted to be supportive and non-judgemental, but Byron, your religion is laugh-out-loud stupid.