Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Andy: (thinking) Maybe I could learn to see Byron and my grandma's relationship the way they do—as something beautiful and giving—rather than an unholy mix of old flesh and Byron.

Teak: Guys, I need you to hide me! Phil's chasing me with— (Teak gets hit by flying garbage can) Phil: There, I hit you with a garbage can!

Wendy: You know all those old bottles we got from Andy's grandmother? Keith: Who can forget old bottles? Wendy: Well, last night I had a horrible headache and I decided to drink from one of them. Keith: Good thinkin', honey! Wendy: No, it was sealed! "Doctor Spooner's Health Tonic for Vim, Vigor and Vitality" - it's good for joint pain, headache, gout - even "woman's time"! It made me feel great! I think you should try this. Keith: As much as I trust any ninety-year-old medication, I don't have any problems. Wendy: Oh, that's alright, it keeps problems away! And it's licorice-y... Keith: I do like licorice... (drinks some Wendy: Plus, it makes colors really vibrant... And makes things funnier! (giggles)

Andy: Guys, you're getting in way over your heads and it's going to end badly. Remember that time you tried to get rich by breeding wolves in your apartment? Teak: It would have worked, if not for the government! Phil: Yeah, and all the wolves...

Phil: I could love a woman like that. Teak: I do love a woman like that. Exactly like that. Her. Jessica. The woman who just left. I love her.