Andy Richter Controls the Universe

Peter: Do you ever wonder if on other planets birds walk around, and people fly?

Andy: Sardines—they are lucky even to be a fish.

Byron: Once, I forgot how to use pants.

Jessica: All hail Andy, bringer of great pie!

Andy: What is that smell? Byron: Does it smell like a crab died in yogurt? Because that might be my back.

Jessica: Is he cute? Andy: (enthusiastic) Is he cute? He's one of the cutest guys I've ever seen. He's tall and he's rugged. Oh, and his butt. Imagine the finest ass you've ever seen, now double it. Keith: What are you doing? Andy: I don't know, this is all very new.

Jessica: You know, maybe I don't need to be in a relationship. Lots of things don't have relationships: trees, shrimp, ketchup, wallpaper… (short pause) What is this list I'm making?

Jessica: Alex, I really respect that you want to wait, but, we've been going out for two months. Alex: I'm sorry honey. I'm just feeling a little fat right now. Okay?