Angel Season 2 Episode 12

Boone: You Merl?
Merl: Uh, Merl? Um, Merl who? Uh, the name's Ed, uh... Silverman.

Cordelia: Fun as it is having you guys over day and night, it's getting kind of late.
Wesley: It's only 7:30.
Cordelia: Really? Oh, in that case... get out!

Gunn: Our new agency.
Wesley: Wyndam-Pryce Agency.
Cordy and Gunn: The what?
Wesley: You don't like it? - It's classy.
Cordy: It's stuffy. The Chase Agency! That has the right ring.
Wesley: Why?
Cordy: Because it's my name.
Gunn: Uh, Wes, Ms. Chase, alright, there is only one player here with a name that strikes dread in the demon heart. (points at himself)
Cordy: Gunn?
Gunn: Uh-huh.
Cordy: Oh, yeah, that is so original. (starts to dance and sing) I got a gun and my name is Gunn...
Wesley: Wyndam-Pryce says everything you need to know...
Cordy and Gunn: Shut up!

Wesley: (about the dragon) It's the biggest thing you've ever seen.
Gunn: And me and English here are just getting stomped, just ducking flames.
Wesley: It hurls me into the outflow drain...
Gunn: And then you come crawling back, stinking, screaming curses. The mouth on this boy!
Wesley: And Gunn hits him form behind, yelling "look at us when we kill you!" and both its heads turn...
Gunn: Then "shronk!" Wes buries his axe in the head number one.
Wesley: And Gunn is running him through, pulling out intestines the size of your leg!
Gunn: We turned him inside out!
(Wes and Gunn laugh and high five)
Cordy: You weren't scared?
Wesley: Oh, mother in heaven.
Gunn: Pants wetting, praising the lord to save me kind of scared. All right?
Cordy: But you did it.
Gunn: No. We did it. All of us.

Anne: (about Angel's donation) Now lets see. What have you got? (Pulls out a flowered blouse) Well, that's - not what I expected. What's the matter, it doesn't fit you anymore?
Angel: Cuts me across the bust. A friend - left her clothes at my place. I won't be seeing her anytime soon, so I figured...
Anne: Ex-Girlfriend?
Angel: God, no.

Wesley: Right, I'll tell you the first thing we're scrapping: These stupid calling cards.
Cordelia: They are not stupid. I designed them. That's an angel.
Wesley: The universal symbol of the one thing we don't have.
Gunn: That's an angel? Looks like a lobster with a growth or... We'll make our own logo.
Wesley: Yes, something sleek, but edgy.
Gunn: Something that says: "You need help, we're there".
Wesley: Exactly. "Danger is our business. We'll catch you when you fall". (Cordelia has a vision and falls down but no one notices)
Gunn: Yeah, I like that.
Cordelia: Guys...

Woman: Serena, I have to know. This thing with making your character gay, is that like... all about ratings? Because I don't get it.

Anne: (about the money) What's this?
Angel: Blood.
Anne: It'll wash.

Lilah: We've heard you do favors for Angel. We'd like to know what those favors are.
Merl: Hey, I don't go sellin' out my pals. (pause) How much you gonna pay?

Merl: Hey, what about my hundred bucks?
Angel: You know what, I'll owe ya. Just make sure you use it for some new furniture.
(looks around)
Angel: Beanbag chairs? Merl.

Gunn: So it's big.
Wesley: Big.
Gunn: And fire breathing.
Wesley: Breathing.
Gunn: Big, two-headed, fire-breathing...
Wesley: I think we all have the picture, Gunn. It's not a teddy bear and it probably shouldn't be attending the Kenyard School for Girls.
Gunn: You know, right about now I wouldn't mind...
Wesley: Don't say it! We don't have him and it's not going to do any good wishing we did!
Gunn: I was gonna say some dynamite.

Angel: What did Lindsey say about me?
Anne: That you were a bad man.
Angel: Bad man.
Anne: A psychotic vampire who cut of his hand, harassed his firm and is borderline schizophrenic. - I was giving you the short version.
Angel: Do you believe that?
Anne: Well, I'd say for sure you're a vampire. Human being would be in the hospital, the beating you took.
Angel: And that doesn't frighten you.
Anne: A few years ago it would have been a big turn on. I thought vampires were the coolest.
Angel: What happened?
Anne: I met one.
Angel: You're not afraid of me.
Anne: Well, I've seen worse things since. A fourteen-year-old girl sitting in her own blood after a rough trick and dozens of people just walking right by, so no, vampires, demons, even lawyers pretty much don't impress me.

Lindsey: Angel is an obstacle to everything that we do. Give me one good reason why we can't just kill him!
Nathan: Because Angel - is a major player.
Lilah: In business?
Nathan: In the apocalypse.
Lilah: Oh. That.

(playing Risk)
Gunn: And now I rule Europe, Australia and South America.
Wesley: I've still got Kamchatka.
Gunn: Three-fifths of the world covered in water, the rest covered in me. Who's your ruler, baby. What's my name. Come on English, say it, dog.

Angel: You screw with me, and you screw with me... and you screw with me. And now, I get to screw with you. (laughs) It's gonna be great!
Lilah: Angel, please--
Angel: No. No, no, no, the begging -- that comes later.

Anne: Hey, guy I ran over.
Angel: Hey, girl who ran over me.

Lilah: So, what if this guy's actually as good as he says and actually kills Angel?
Lindsey: Boo hoo, let me wipe away the tears with my plastic hand.