Angel Season 1 Episode 12

Cordelia: This producer was so nice. He said I was his first choice. We're going out to dinner tonight.
Angel: Tonight?
Wesley: Well, best you get back on the horse, I suppose.
Cordelia: He is so sweet! He says that all I have to do is let him impregnate me with his demon master's seed, and I've got the part!

Wesley: (to the big demon) As a heathen I wouldn't expect you to be familiar with the biblical story of David and Goliath. But I assure you it's of particular relevance to this situation.

Angel: (sees Cordelia drinking blood) I don't think I've ever realized just how disgusting that was.

Wilson: Who're you talking to?
Cordelia: My ghost? I have a ghost. He's jealous. Kidding. The apartment's great, but things are always breaking and, uhm, and I have no one to complain to, so sometimes just to keep myself company I talk to myself.

Cordelia: Alright, Dennis. Knock it off. This is the one guy I've actually liked in a long time. And if you keep killing the mood, I'll kill you! Alright, empty threat, you being a ghost and already dead. But I'll do something worse! I'll play Evita around the clock, the one with Madonna!

Wilson: So you left Sunnydale and came to LA. What was that like?
Cordelia: Skydiving without a parachute. Except for the smashing your body to bits part. Actually, no, it was like that, too.

Wesley: That was bracing.
Angel: Yeah. Baby just hatched. Wouldn't want to run into him when he grows up and gets his driver's license.

Angel: I don't lounge all that well.
Wesley: Good one! Oh, yes. (puts his arm around Angel)No, he's ah, he's no lounger this one.
Serina: The good ones are always gay.

Angel: You look nice.
Cordelia: Aagh! Oh, and now, I look like the Joker.
Angel: Sorry.
Cordelia: Hopefully, I'm still too young and carefree for a heart attack. Would it kill you to hum a little tune when slipping up on people?
Angel: I don't hum.

Cordelia: I learned something, too. I learned, um, men are evil? Oh wait, I knew that. I learned that LA is full of self-serving phonies. No, had that one down, too. Ahh...sex is bad?
Angel: We all knew that.
Cordelia: Okay. I learned that I have two people I trust absolutely with my life. And that part's new.

Wesley: Hello. I was just in the neighborhood, patrolling with my new Bavarian fighting axe when I suddenly thought, "Perhaps Cordelia has had a vision." Perhaps you need my help in the battle against evil.
Angel: We seem to be evil-free at the moment.
Wesley: I also packed along a "Word Puzzle 3-D," if either of you has the nerve to take me on.
Cordelia: Gee, Wesley, I'd love to… but unlike you, I'm not in my eighties quite yet.

(discussing filing)
Angel: All right so, why is Mrs. Benson filed under "F?"
Cordelia: Because she's from France. Remember what a pain she was?
Angel: Yeah. It made me wanna drink a lot.
Cordelia: Well, that's the French for ya.

Demon: Who are you?
Wesley: Wesley Wyndam-Pryce, Rogue Demon Hunter, and I'm here to fight you, sir, to the death...preferably yours.

Wesley: I mean, no one's more fond of Cordelia than I, but if she wants to go gadabouting with those doxies...
Angel: I think they liked you.
Wesley: Really? I...I...didn't mean doxy in a sexually promiscuous sense, exactly....I.You don't think sticking the axe in the wall put them off?
Angel: That was charming.
Wesley: What about the fact they thought we were gay?
Angel: Adds mystery.