Angel

Wesley: Stop it! Change back. Be blue. Be anything. Don't be her. Don't ever be her. Illyria: As you wish.

Angel: Gunn, we didn't get the head. Start preparing the troops for war. Gunn: The head is here. Angel: What? Gunn: The head's on your desk (Angel reads the note with it) Angel: "With regards, the Immortal." I really hate that guy.

(Spike pulls up on a motor scooter to Angel) Spike: Hop on, little mama. Angel: I'm not riding on the back. Spike: He's getting away!

Ilona Costa Bianchi: Now, what happened to the drop? No grazie, prego, kiss, kiss? Angel: Grazie. Prego. Kaboom.

Ilona Costa Bianchi: The gypsies are filthy people. (spits) And we shall speak of them no more.

Angel: Ours is a forever love. Spike: I had a relationship with her, too. Angel: Okay, sleeping together is not a relationship. Spike: It is if you do it enough times.

Spike: I don't even speak the language. Angel: We'll get you a book. Spike: How do you say "wank off" in Italian? Gunn: Will someone just get on a plane?

Angel: (about the little bottles of alcohol on the plane) Huh. Really can't get drunk off these things. Spike: Not us, anyway. Vampire constitution not always a plus. How did you know? Angel: Drank a lot of 'em, and I still don't like you. Spike: About Buffy. How did you know she was in trouble? Angel: I got word. Spike: From who? Angel: A source. Spike: You've been spying on her?! Angel: I just wanted to make sure she was all right. Spike: Sending your lackeys to do your stalking for you. That is really pathetic. Angel: All right, fine. I'm not proud of it, but it's... it's Buffy. Spike: How many you got on her? Angel: Uh, just the one. But he got spotted. Called me from the hospital after he regained consciousness.

Spike: Every time he shows up, I either lose my girl, get beaten by an angry mob, or get thrown in prison for tax evasion. (Angel stares) Long story.

Angelus: That's why he had us tossed. So he could violate... Darla: He didn't... Angelus: Violate our women! William (Spike): Violate in succession! Darla: Concurrently. Angelus: Concurrently? You never let us do that.

Spike: I just want to see you happy. Not too happy though or I might have to stake you. Second thought...have at it.

Angel: Our friend, she's under some sort of spell... Spike: Cast by the vilest wretch this side of Mount Everest. Which...I'm told he has climbed...several times.

Angel: You want a drink? Spike: God yes!

Spike: Can't we just... lock her away in a box where no one can ever touch her? You know? Like we did with Pavayne? Angel: I don't think she'd let us. She's pretty strong. Spike: We could do a spell. Some sort of mind control. Angel: Oh, she'd figure it out. You know, she's pretty smart. Spike: So, what? We just have to live with it? Get on with our lives? Angel: 'Fraid so. Spike: Fine. No problem. I was planning on doing that anyway. Angel: Yeah, me, too. Spike: Actually, I'm doing it right now. As we speak, I'm movin' on. Angel: Movin' on. Spike:Oh, yeah. Angel: Right now. Spike: Movin'.

Angel: But she's not finished baking yet. I gotta wait 'til she's done baking. You know, 'til she finds herself. 'Cause that's the drill. Fine. I'm waiting patiently, and meanwhile The Immortal's eating cookie dough! Andrew: Um... Spike, is Angel crying? Spike: No. (looks at Angel) Not yet.

Spike: She's glowing, mate. Angelus: She isn't. Darla: Little bit. Spike: Best fit you for a pair of antlers. Been made the right cuckold, you have. Drusilla: (steps out) Time for another pony ride? Spike: Son of a bitch! Angelus: The both of ya? Darla: He's insatiable.

Darla: Come on Dru let's take a bath. Drusilla: Will you hold me under the water?

Spike: The Immortal?! Angel: I mean, come on! Spike: She's smarter than that! Angel: She'd never fall for a centuries old guy with a dark past who may or may not be evil.

Demon: Oh, look - the Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. What a surprise.

Angel: I helped save the world, you know. Spike: Like I haven't. Angel: Yeah, but I've done it a lot more. Spike: Oh, please. Angel: I closed the Hellmouth. Spike: I've done that. Angel: Yeah, you wore a necklace. You know, I helped kill the Mayor, and, uh, Jasmine... Spike: Do those really count as saving the world? Angel: I stopped Acathla. That saved the world. Spike: Buffy ran you through with a sword. Angel: Yeah, but I made her do it. I signaled her with my eyes. Spike: She killed you. I helped her. That one counts as mine

Spike: The man has no sense of indecency. You remember Frankfurt. He hatches the Rathruhn egg personally, and then just decides to give those nuns safe passage. Angelus: Those were my nuns! Spike: Yeah. Nuns are your thing. Everybody knows that. They respect it. They respect us. Angelus: We are the reason men fear the night!

Angelus: Go ahead. Take your best shot. I'll snatch your little wee sticks out of the air and spend the next fortnight shoving them slowly up your arse. Spike: Can you really do that? Angelus: The arrow thing? I don't know - never tried.