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Dr. Weird, Steve (Seasons 1-3)
Frylock, Various Voices
Master Shake, Various Voices
Meatwad, Carl, Various Voices
Tattoo Guy/Cop #1
When Carl is younger, he has the same hair as his wig from The Clowning.
During the jail scene when Shake is on the phone, in the background is a man stabbing another man repeatedly, and later he is lying on the ground with blood all over his chest.
Carl: (To Bart Oates) Did you come here to kill me?
Bart Oates: Hey Carl, you're offsides buddy.
Carl: Ok, here's the money I made off of it.
Bart Oates: $40 in change?
Carl: Damn, you know everything.
Carl: Oh crap, hide.
Frylock: Hide? From what?
Bart Oates: Just play it off as a joke.
Carl: Uh, you know, black people been running around here.
Bart Oates: That's not really a joke Carl.
Bart Oates: You want to be a champion, you've gotta go all the way. Listen to what i'm telling you Carl, listen to what i'm telling you.
Bart Oates: You want to be a winner? You need to lay off the salty foods, don't drink so much, try some excersise, maybe go out with a woman you didn't have to pay. You know sex isn't everything, neither is the band Boston.
Bart Oates: Carl, by doing this you're taking food out of NFL players' mouths.
Carl: Take the TV, take whatever you need to get by.
Bart Oates: What are you talking about? I don't need your money Carl.
Shake: Before I start speaking don't even think about getting angry, because if you do, I swear that i'll hang up on you.
Frylock: Shake, what is it, what's wrong?
Shake: Ok, you're jumping in already.
Carl: I don't recognize this place.
Bart Oates: Carl, huddle up. This is Linda Hamilton's house. She is destined to play Sarah Connor in The Terminator. And Sarah will give birth to John, and he will lead the resistance to the rise against the machines.
Carl: Well, I mean she's already been in that movie.
Bart Oates: Well, I've been sent by the machines to get you to kill Linda Hamilton.
Carl: What're you talking about man? She's an actress.
Bart Oates: C'mon Carl. Ya gotta do it brother. Ya gotta go all the way. Do it for Tuna, do it for L.T. C'mon man, this is our house. This is Linda's house. We gotta run a trap and you gotta lay a big hurt on Linda.
Carl: "Lay a big hurt on"- listen to yourself. She's an actress! It was a movie! This is friggin' stupid!
Bart Oates: "Stupid?" Are you kidding me? Listen man, when I had my knee surgery the computers replaced all my parts with metal machinery. Wanna see?
Carl: Looks like they did it on a budget. I don't see any computers in there.
Bart Oates: What?
Carl: Lotta cans here.
Bart Oates: Oh man, the computers lied to me.
Carl: Ah, ya think?
Bart Oates: Oh no! My whole life is a sham!
Linda Hamilton's Alarm System: Intruders!
Carl: All right drama queen, lets get outta here before Linda wakes up.
Carl: Look, I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you tried to walk in front of me when I clearly had the right of way!
Bart Oates: Hey, Carl, you know, that's not really the spirit of this.
Carl: All right, all right, all right, look...reset. I am very glad that the forensics could not match the paint on your face to the paint on my fender, but I am sorry that you had to pay the ultimate price for not lookin' both ways! I did not wave you on, I was flippin' you off!
Bart Oates: Carl …
Carl: OK ... all right. I'm sorry, you're dead.
Bart Oates: You're in the red zone now, buddy, you gotta close the deal.
Carl: Well, me answering questions to a bunch of cops wasn't never gonna bring you back--
Bart Oates: Be a champ. Go all the way.
Carl: --OK, I'M SORRY I HIT YOU, ALL RIGHT?!? And that's as sorry as I'm ever gonna be. You were old. I could tell!
Frylock: OK, Carl look: I felt really bad about your car, so I brought you some fresh parsley and oregano from my herb garden.
Carl: Oh, great. Weeds. This will help me get to the strip club. Where's my frickin' car?!?
Frylock: Well, it's kinda been impounded.
Carl: What?!? (Grabs Frylock and tries to drown him) You tell me right now, Fry Man, where my frickin' car is, or I'm going to rip that paper box head of yours in half!
Bart Oates: Whoa, whoa, whoa, easy Carl. You don't want a penalty for roughing the neighbor. I mean, that's fifteen yards and that hurts the team.
(Carl lets go of Frylock)
Frylock: Whoa, whoa, hey, Carl!
Carl: (Calm) It's okay, it's okay. I'm not mad. Okay? So, uh... (Pissed off) Where's my F-ing car, please, sir?!
Master Shake: Oh, very important. Security code.
Meatwad: We ain't got none.
Master Shake: So just go right in.
Crazy Guy: ...pants stuck to my butt..
Meatwad: When is Frylock gettin' here?
Master Shake: I don't know, but I'm pissed about it.
Carl: Bam! ...don't worry about this rip. I just uh accidentally ripped it pulling it out of the box.
Frylock: Are the "Gnats" a team?
Carl: Nah. "Gnats"? What da frick- it's supposed to be the Giants! I friggin' told them immigrants! No wonder they cut me a deal. What a deal! They probably don't even have giants in their country; they're so frickin' tiny. Look at this crap. Half of them dissolved in the box.
Frylock: Well, you know what they say "you get what you pay for."
Carl: I tell ya what: how 'bout I take 20% off.
Frylock: How 'bout no.
Carl: Aw c'mon man, I seen you flyin' around so fast. People won't even notice, right? High-five football fan.
Frylock: I really don't like sports Carl.
Carl: ..Oh yeah? Well, you're a f**!
Carl: Hey Fryman. I got this post-it-note that was left on the curb for me. "Thanks for car. M.S."
Frylock: Oh man.
Frylock: Ah I'm sure it'll be back.
Carl: Ya think? That'd be so thoughtful.
Frylock: Just tell me what it is you did wrong!
Master Shake: Oh, what?! You think you did ever--everything right?
Frylock: Okay. I see what's happening here. You got another DUI didn't you?
Meatwad: Hang up on his ass.
Frylock: I'm gonna have to bus down there, okay?!
Master Shake: I'm gonna have to take the bus from now on permanently! According to what some guy told me. And I ain't riding that cheese box! It's a major deterent for the women!
Meatwad: Women will not kiss you on the bus.
Frylock: Okay, look. It's gonna take me awhile--
Meatwad: Hang up on him.
Bart Oates: I was there when you destroyed my poster, and you said, "I hope he gets injured." (Flashback to Carl back in 1994)
Carl: Enjoy San Francisco, pansy! (Carl rips his Bart Oates poster in half)
I hope you tear your ACL, jackass!! (Back to present day) Carl: I said that? Bart Oates: Three years later, I had knee surgery, and I had to retire, Carl. Carl: So, I, I made you, like, have knee surgery by saying that? Bart Oates: In a way, yes, you did. Carl: That's awesome. (pause) I mean, I'm sorry in retrospect, but that's so awesome I was able to do that! I hate the 'Niners!
Master Shake: I am sooo hungover. Did you see me poundin those daiquiris last night??? I was a maniac, what was I thinking?!?!
Meatwad: You pounded 1!
Master Shake: Well, I pound what I can afford.
Though this is the tenth episode of the season, on the volume 5 DVD release "Bart Oates" is episode 6.
In this episode, you will notice that Bart Oates' number on his jersey is 6.5. His actual number while on the Giants was 65.
Bart Oates tries to get Carl to kill Linda Hamilton, the actress who played Sarah Connor in The Terminator. Bart says this is because Sarah will give birth to John, who will lead the resistance against the machines - which is the premise of the film.
Carl apologizes to the band, Chicago, for passing out shirts that said "Chicano" at their show.
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