Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1

Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future: You don't remember because back then there was only a prophecy; but now in the future, the past has occurred.

Young Carl: Oh boy oh boy! I hope this is a new mommy Carl's Dad: Yeah its not. Unwrap it you little creep, we have to be at work in an hour. Young Carl: What is this dad..wha...is this carpet daddy? Carl's Dad: Carpet? No, no. Its berber. That's an industry term. Young Carl: Hey its like a flying magic carpet here! Look at this, I'm flying around in Egyptland! Carl's Dad: Don't get too attached there Aladdin cause its about to be magic flying dinner. Young Carl: You can't eat carpet. Silly daddy.

Frylock: Hey, man, you know, you don't have to move. You could do that other thing that the robot talked about.
Carl:Look, I know it's been a while, alright, but, uh, I'm not gonna get humped by a giant red gorilla in space, okay? No thank you.

Cybernetic Ghost: You remember that Christmas, don't you? Carl: No, I remember eating carpet. Not so much the lasers and the robots.

Danzig: Good. Because if I find him over here, I'm gonna be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your f**king skull. Meatwad: Alright, he's gone. You can come out now. Cybernetic Ghost: I cannot live with that guy. He is so annoying. He is so frightening. And he doesn't wear a shirt. Shake: You make our house bleed right now!

Cybernetic Ghost: Thousands of years ago... Frylock: No, shut up! You still haven't explained why the pool is filled with elf blood! Cybernetic Ghost: I told you earlier, it was the Great Circuiting. Frylock: You didn't mention no Great Circuiting! Cybernetic Ghost: Oh, I didn't? (Pause) Thousands of years ago...

Frylock: Wait, who unionized? Cybernetic Ghost: Wouldn't you like to know? Probably your mama!

Meatwad: Boy, this is a long story you know...maybe I will go get somethin' to eat. Carl: Yeah, I think I'm gonna get drunk while I listen to ya.

Dr. Weird: (after a giant hand lifts his lab up into the sky) RUN FAT BOY, RUUUNNN!!!

Cybernetic Ghost: And that is where babies come from.....for machines... Meatwad: Boy, that's some story. That kind is kinda different from what I remember, being told about, you know, people loving each other and...you know, physic- Cybernetic Ghost: (points to him) No! That is very wrong! You cling to your pathetic fable of fluid exchange.

Meatwad: And the blood's just gonna keep flowing, unless... Cybernetic Ghost: Unless Carl pays tribute to the elfin elders in space. Carl: I'll do it. What do I do? Cybernetic Ghost: You must give yourself up to the Great Red Ape. Carl: Okay, how much? Cybernetic Ghost: Sexually. Carl: Wonderful.

Cybernetic Ghost: I'm not finished. You should have gotten a snack. A war-like race of elves from the Red Planet landed on the ice-encased Earth and they were immediately enslaved by the unevolved Santa Ape to make his confused toys using galactic elfin technology. Toys were made into recognizable shapes and given names like "train," but these toys were also thrown at predators and defecated upon because they were so stupid. Christmas still sucked, in a big way.

Carl: Now just hang on a sec, okay. Cybernetic Ghost: Sure. Carl: You're the ghost of Christmas Past, right? Cybernetic Ghost: That is correct. Carl: Okay well... I mean you know that it's February... right? Cybernetic Ghost: (Pause) I am a robot.

Cybernetic Ghost: Thousands of years ago, before the dawn of man as we knew him... there was Sir Santa of Claus: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless toys out of dino-bones and his own waste, hurling them at chimp-like creatures with crinkled hands regardless of how they behaved the previous year. These so-called "toys" were buried as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators who were awoken by the searing grunts of children. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year; for many were killed!

Cybernetic Ghost: Thousands of years ago... Frylock: No, shut up! You still haven't explained why the pool is filled with elf blood! Cybernetic Ghost: I told you earlier it was the Great Circuiting. Frylock: You didn't mention no Great Circuiting! Cybernetic Ghost: Oh, I didn't? (Pause) Thousands of years ago...

Cybernetic Ghost: Thousands of years ago...the ice had made the globe inhabitable. Santa Ape did not know where the North Pole was. How could he? He was born before science existed. So he carved and placed his workshop right here (referring to Carl's house). Long before they unionized, and Christmas was celebrated at each full moon, in front of the great red ape!