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Master Shake: (To Carl, about the Mail Order Bride) Why don't you try a shirt with sleeves if you've got one, Romeo.
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Frylock: Oh well, Santa hasn't come yet.
Meatwad: Well that old fat man better get his ass in gear!
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Meatwad: Can I open a present?
Frylock: Well I suppose. It is Christmas, I don't see why not.
Meatwad: We don't have any presents. That's why not.
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Meatwad: Maybe Santa is just getting a jump start on Christmas.
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Shake: It's a gift from me to me for being a good boy.
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Shake: I leave you here for two seconds and you turn the house into your own personal dumpster.
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Carl: She'll be sizzilin' like fajita meat.
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Carl: Does she got the car?
Meatwad: Well, technically, it's half hers now, right? Or a third, I don't know.
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Frylock: By the power vested in me by the state of New Jersey, I now pronounce you men and wife… you may kiss the door.
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Meatwad: Statistics… they show… that there are more children in the world today… that's China's fault.
Frylock: Where do you get this information?
Meatwad: Regis.
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Shake How 'bout that computer he made for ya outta leaves? That was the best!
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Meatwad: You're gonna love this, too. I made it… 'cause I ain't got no damn money.
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Carl: Oh! Dammit!
Shake: You're alright!
Carl: Naw, don't worry about me! I fell two stories! I'm fine.
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Carl: SHE AIN'T COMIN' ALL THIS WAY TO DO THAT IN AMERICA! Now, we're civilized people, here. (Holds out two string-like articles of clothing) H-here, honey. Just put this on and shake 'em.
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Shake: Look merry, dammit!
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Carl: I wanna make sure that both of us marryin' her is gonna be… you know, legal.
Shake: Of course it is! What, are you kidding me? Santa Claus ain't legal and he's around!
Carl: Yeah, well, I guess that makes sense, ya know…
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Frylock: This... this is a squiggle.
Meatwad: Naw, that's hair… you read it backwards, fool!
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Meatwad: Carl, I know you're hurtin'… and if it makes you feel any better… merry Christmas. (Hands Carl something)
Carl: What is it?
Meatwad: It's a stick.
Carl: Oh…good.
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Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, Merry Christmas... to YOU!
Steve: (while looking at a giant present) Wow, hey thanks doc! (sees Dr. Weird get into a cage) Hey come on out of that cage and let me give you a big old hug! (the present bears teeth and attacks Steve) AAAHHHH!!! HEY OWWW OUCH AAAHHHHH!
Dr. Weird: Hell yes! Take it to the bank, daddy!
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Carl: Oh man, I cannot wait. I got the oils, the candles, the works! When does that babe get here?
Shake: Carl don't refer to her as a babe, please. She is a Czechnian prostitute, and you will address her as such!
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Carl: (Smells armpits) Ohhhhhhhhhh. Oh boy, that's rotten. I'm gonna take another shower before... the dirtiness.
Shake: Yeah why don't you take about five more and while you're at it try a shirt with sleeves if you got one, Romeo.
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Shake: Wait, don't go anywhere! What's wrong with your printer?!?
Frylock: Oh, well sometimes with larger documents it'll get-holy hell! (Shake is printing a large stack of papers)
Shake: Yeah, tell me about it? I could chisel it into rock faster than this!
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Carl: Hey Fryman, you think I could get you to ah, bring your lazer eyes out here and uh... blow a frickin' hole in my wall?
Frylock: What's wrong Carl?
Carl: Well for starters, she barricaded herself inside my house. And every time I knock she screams at me in this like, language. It's like some demon yelling at me or something.
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Meatwad: Carl should remember the reason for the season.
Shake: Yeah, the reason for the season... is pleasin'. And I haven't gotten too much pleasin'! And Carl had better get his ass with the program!