Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1

While at a museum, the Aqua Teens come across a T-shirt that was alleged to give Osiris, the Egyptian god of the dead, his powers. Master Shake, who didn't want to even be there in the first place, suddenly finds an interest in the shirt and decides to steal it. Telling Meatwad to take the form of a hammer, Shake swoops in, smashes the glass case the shirt is in with a crowbar, and steals the shirt, leaving Meatwad to be corralled by museum security.

Back at the Aqua Teens' house, Shake tries to use the shirt, but can't because a) he apparently doesn't know how, and b) it needs a washing because apparently after over 5,000,000 years, it "smells like ass," according to Frylock.

The shirt finds its way into the Aqua Teens' washing machine, along with Meatwad's "Christmas sock". Shake is very angry upon hearing this, and tells Meatwad that it needed to be in there with a full bottle of bleach and washed in very hot water (although Frylock, who apparently can read hieroglyphics, says it's cold water only). The laundry comes out of the washer, with Meatwad's Christmas sock faded and Shake's T-shirt shrunk considerably, so much so that only Meatwad can wear it. Shake then gives the shirt to Meatwad and tells him to do his bidding. Frylock heads off to the mall.

The first thing Shake wants is a plague of snakes... however, Meatwad's signals get crossed, and he ends up calling the Easter bunny instead. Another try nets the Easter bunny's twin brother, Darryl. On the next try, Meatwad brings in Santa Claus, who first scolds Shake for being a naughty boy, then scolds Meatwad for calling him in the middle of July when he was asleep. After Meatwad tells him what he wants for Christmas, Santa tells him that it doesn't work the way he thinks it does. Meatwad then decides to make one of his presents, a unicorn with a banana seat and a horn, appear, although he can't seem to get the horn right.

Next door in Carl's yard, another of Meatwad's creations, Eggzilla (a giant fire-breathing Easter egg) is wreaking havoc. Santa goes outside to see what happened, and is set ablaze by Eggzilla. Carl comes next door to yell at Meatwad for it, then promptly gets his house crushed by Eggzilla and his girlfriend. Frustrated, Carl starts to take a crowbar to his car.

Frylock returns home to see what happened, and hooks a badly burned Santa up to a life support system. Santa vows that if he makes it out alive, he's "going to beat the *bleep*" out of Meatwad. Meatwad comes in wearing a banana suit and is shocked by what he sees. He tries to fool Frylock by making up a story that Santa was a burglar and was lit on fire by bad wiring, but Frylock easily sees through Meatwad's lie. The Easter bunny suggests giving Santa a chocolate Easter bunny, and Frylock shoots off the bunny's face in response.

Finally, Christmas night rolls around, with Meatwad and Frylock joining Santa (who's been giving a soccer ball-style skin graft by his elves) in his sleigh delivering presents. They stop at a boy named Jeffy's house, and he gets a wooden brain (he wanted a wooden train, but Santa tells Frylock that Jeffy's not a bright child, so he wouldn't care). Meatwad says, "Jeffy's just gonna have to bite the bullet on this one, because it has been a long night, and we ain't even done the Eastern Seaboard yet." Shake, who has been turned into a reindeer by Meatwad, wants to know when he's going to get to deliver some toys. After Shake is told that he can do the Middle East by himself, he says "*bleep* you" to Meatwad, who tells him to "cry me a river, bitch!"