Archer Season 2 Episode 5

Malory: (In baby talk, to Seamus) What's that? That's a bumblebee! You want a pretty bumblebee? There you go... (Offers it, then throws it away and baby starts crying) Oh, what's the matter, what happened?Did somebody trick you, hmm? See? That's how the world works, dear, and I'm the only one you can trust.
Lana: Wow. A ton of stuff just started making sense.

Woodhouse: Oh no, the flat belongs to Mr. Archer, who's my...
Stinky: None of my business, consenting adults, and so on.
Archer: Hey! Nobody is consenting to anything.
Stinky: None of my business.
Archer: (To Woodhouse) You are going to eat so many spiderwebs later.
Stinky: That's what he said.

Reggie: Oh come on, lads, show some stones!
Woodhouse: I'll show you my stones, sir.

Scripes: As for Stilton... there's no nice way to put it. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Woodhouse: You're joking!
Stinky: Oh, Stilton was always quite keen on that. Remember?
Scripes: Was always looking for something sturdy to loop his Sam Brown over.
Woodhouse: I do seem to recall an awful lot of loose doorknobs.
Scripes: Plus, of course, what he named his plane.
Woodhouse: I always thought that had something to do with the engine... well, here's to you, Choke and Stroke!
Scripes & Stinky: To Choke and Stroke!

(After Woodhouse and Stinky knock Archer out)
Stinky: Damn shame he'll send you packing when he comes to.
Woodhouse: Oh, I'll just yank his pants off, splash a lot of scotch and women's underthings about, and then tell him he slipped and fell chasing a terrified Asian prostitute out onto the patio. It's not the first time I bashed his head in and had to cover my tracks. Happens three, four times a year.

Reggie: (After Woodhouse has failed to light his cigarette twice) Good god man, are you hourly?