(Mrs Slocombe making a call) Mr Rumbold:Do make it quick Mrs Slocombe.
Mrs Slocombe:I'm waiting for him to answer.It's my nextdoor neighbour...Hello? "Is that Mr Ackbar? Mrs Slocombe here, your next-door neighbour. I wonder, would you do me a favour? Would you go to my front door, bend down, and look through the letter-box? And if you can see my pussy, would you drop a sardine on the mat?(pauses to listen) No Mr Ackbar I'm at work...H-hello!? Someone's cut us off.
Mr Rumbold: Sales figures last week were the worst on record. Why? We've got a good name, we're in a good position. Why aren't people coming to the store?
Miss Brahms: I blame it on the buses. There's less of them.
Mr Rumbold: What's that got to do with it?
Miss Brahms: Well, because there's less of them, they're more crowded. More people are standing and they're not wearing out their trousers.
Mr Humphries/ I knew a girl just like you who tried to get into pictures.
Miss Brahms: What happened to her?
Mr Humphries: She ended up on the cutting floor.
Miss Brahms: What a shame! What picture was she supposed to be in?
Mr Humphries: She wasn't supposed to be in any picture. She wasn't even supposed to be in the cutting room.
Mrs Slocombe: (advertising her merchandise) Yes, it's all happening in my underwear today!
Miss Brahms: Look, he lives in a detached castle!
Waiter: Madam, a nice aperitif? Mrs Slocombe: Oh, thank you. They're my own, too!
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