Arrested Development

Lindsay: What happened to you? Tobias: (with a bandage wrap on his head) What? Oh, oh! My ears. The doctor said I can't go to sleep for five hours, or I might die or something. (to George Michael) Oh! I got blown! So, I can't sleep!

Al: Need a hand with that? Gob: No, Al, I want to spill booze all over my freaking $6,300 suit. Come on on!!

George Sr.: (about Lucille) Sounds tense. That means she's not getting any from my brother Oscar.

Gob: God, how they used to laugh with me. Michael: At you.

Tobias: (underneath Lucille's car) Hey, it's Tobias...who wants to take me to the hospital?

Lucille: Michael, I was almost attacked last night in my own home! I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen! Michael: Colored? What color was he, exactly? Lucille: Blue.

(Gob's big sexual harrassment speech) Gob: And please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office *BLEEP*ing, or *BLEEP*ing, or finger-*BLEEP*ing, or *BLEEP*ing or *BLEEP*ing, or even *BLEEP*, even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I'll take off my pants, I'll shave my *BLEEP*, and I'll personally *BLEEP*.

Gob: (about wearing his father's clothes) But I did finally get into Dad's pants. Although I had to have the crotch taken in a little bit.

Oscar: The question is, which way do I try to get it in her? Michael: I don't need any details. Oscar: Maybe, I'll put it in her brownie. Michael: Hey!

Buster: (holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Gob: I did the right thing, Michael. If I don't fire them, how do I teach a lesson to the others? Michael: There are no others. You fired everyone.

George Sr.: Don't get involved. Believe me, when I thought your first wife was driving us apart, I did not make a stink. Michael: You complained all the time, and she was my only wife. And she died. George Sr.: Yeah, well. See, things have a way of working themselves out.

Lucille: (holding her rape horn in one hand and a fireplace poker in the other) But I have a surprise for whoever it is if he comes back. First I blow him, then I poke him. Michael: Guy has no idea what he's in for.

Lucille: Michael, a mother doesn't have a child to give herself company. Annyong was to teach Buster a lesson. Michael: And where is that little lesson? Lucille: I sent him to the Milford Academy to teach him a lesson. I can't remember about what.

Maeby: My mom signed me out of school early, so then she wouldn't have to pick me up later, so then she wouldn't be late for the Christmas party. Michael: That's about the worst thing I've ever heard. Maeby: I had to drive because she had a little bit of a buzz on. Michael: No, that's it.