Arrested Development

George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports? Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid. George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd. Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.

(On a 'Girls with Low Self-Esteem' video for Gob's magic act) Announcer: It was a wild time on the beach, and if you like magic, look away. The only thing this guy could make fly away was the crowd.

George Michael: Hey, Dad. Do you think this purse goes with this outfit? Where'd my dad go? Tobias: (falsetto) Douche-chill.

George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad, like, uh ... were-were you ever awkward around girls? Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.

Gob: What do you use for misdirection? Lindsay: Misdirection? Gob: Yeah, I mean if you're so good at magic, what did you have them looking at to divert their attention? Lindsay: I don't know. My ass. Gob: My ass. You're lying.

Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I'm white. I think I'm going to be ok.

Michael: Hey, Mom, why can't Buster pretend to be your escort? That's the way he's got it in all his cartoons.

Michael: I gave you permission to use the yacht. You blew it up. Gob: Yeah, well, if you give someone permission to use a tissue, you can't be upset if they blow their nose. Right? I mean ...

Lindsay: Well, they expect a certain amount of theft, Michael. It's built into the price. If I didn't take it, then people would be overpaying for nothing.

Oscar: Ok, but I never meant to break up your family. Your mom called me for a reason. I-I don't think she's happy. Buster: No, she's happy. She's just mean all the time.

Michael: (answering cell phone) Hello? Oh, hey, George Michael. Uh, I'm sorry? In your pants? I'll be right there. (hangs up) Um, my son has an emergency. Detective Fellows: You know, there's a Grover book: "I Can't Hold It In." Worked for us.

Michael: What? What's going on? Annyong: Ok. Mother want someone to go to my soccer game with. She don't want other soccer moms think that she is single mother. She old school. Michael: I liked it better when he just said "Annyong".

Michael: What about the outfit yesterday? Lindsay: Old thing gave it to me.

Michael: Lindsay, new outfit? Lindsay: This? No, I've had this for years. I think it's a hand-me-down from Mom. Michael: You got a price tag. Right there. Lindsay: Is there? I guess she wanted me to have something new. Sweet old thing. Michael: Only two of those words describe Mom, so I know you're lying to me.

Tobias: I must warn you, Michael, she doesn't respond well to strict directives. Maeby: All right. Tobias: That was odd. Michael: Not really. Kids love boundaries. I mean, look at these girls. (Talking about the "Girls with Low Self-Esteem" tape) Is this what you want? Tobias: Oh, God, no. Michael: This could be where your daughter is headed. Tobias: Oh, no, no, I don't want this for Maeby either.

Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ? Young Maeby: Homosexual. Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though. You probably are a homosexual.

George Michael: You know, say what you will about America. Thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice. Gob: Who said anything bad about America?