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George Michael: Well, I think we're okay.
Michael: We are. I mean, you know that there's nothing that you can't be totally honest with me about. I mean, you could say anything to me, you know? Anything at all.
George Michael: Like, say I had a crush on my own cousin.
Michael: Hey! You just taught me a lesson. All right, we're even.
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Drug Dealer: You set us up!
Gob: No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are!
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Buster: It-it's for my girlfriend. She's sick.
Gob: Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon.
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George Michael: But it wasn't for me.
Michael: Then who was it for? Who? Give me a name.
George Michael: Okay, it was for me. Yeah. I was gonna smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.
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Gob: Now, we wait.
George Michael: How long?
Gob: Who knows? An hour ... maybe five.
Derek: Drug delivery. You wanted some marijuana?
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Gob: George Michael. You weren't followed, were you?
George Michael: No, I don't think so.
Gob: All right, kid ... let's deal some drugs.
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Buster: I really appreciate you doing this for me. You're making a very miserable person happy.
George Michael: She really feels awful, huh?
Buster: Oh, I was talking about me. But yeah, she's a mess. Be careful.
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Lindsay: I see. Fine. I was going to take her out for ice cream, but if you'd rather stay here. Well, that's just fine with me.
Maeby: Well, we can go get some ice cream, Gangee. That would be fun, right?
Lucille: I don't think so. That chubby little wrist of yours is testing the tensile strength of this bracelet as it is.
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George, Sr.: What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.
Michael: It's Tuesday.
George, Sr.: Shh.
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George, Sr.: Tonight? No, it's Yontif, the first night of Yom Kippur.
Michael: Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September. That's okay. You've only been a Jew for about two days.
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Michael: Get that the hell out of this house! What's the matter with you?
Gob: Maybe you should save the lectures for your son. If he can remember them.
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Michael: Oh, no. This can't be from my son.
Gob: Well, it is his handwriting. Plus, he left me $200. $100. 100 -— I accidentally said 200.
Michael: This is impossible. Why would he do this?
Gob: I know. You know? I was shocked. I mean, really, $100. You can't get good weed for a hundred bucks.
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Lucille: Ah, yes. The week we had the au pair. You know, your mother always wanted this broach.
Maeby: Really?
Lucille: Do you want it?
Maeby: I do now. That'll show her for trying to punish me.
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Michael: Find something to do. Go make mistakes. Get in trouble. Be young.
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George Michael: Oh, yeah. Dad told me to take the day off so I decided to come in to work.
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George Michael: Yeah. But if I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work, like you always say.
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Maeby: Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me?
Lindsay: Oh, I have to come up with another thing?
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Lindsay: You are now punished. I punish thee.
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Lindsay: Okay, look. I know you got a crocodile in spelling, but this has gone too far.
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Lindsay: I'm not signing this.
Maeby: Fine. I will. Is Lindsay with an "A" or an "E"?
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Maeby: D plus. Sign this.
Lindsay: This is a D minus.
Maeby: Well, either way, it's above a D right?
Lucille: Another world beater.
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Narrator: Later, Lucille stopped by the model home to enlist her daughter's help cataloging her valuables.
Lindsay: I can't.
Lucille: Why not?
Lindsay: Because I'm ... Don't want to.
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Michael: I can't help you, Mom. I've got a job. I've got to make some money so you can buy more things and destroy the evidence.
Lucille: You're right. I'll ask Lindsay.
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Lucille: I need a favor.
Michael: We ought to put that on our family crest.
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Gob: I need a favor.
Michael: What happened to "Hello. I need a favor"?
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Michael: Well, those lessons worked, didn't they? I mean, we still leave notes to this day.
Lindsay: Oh, that's what that was about. I thought he was trying to get us off of dairy.
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George, Sr.: Why?! If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm! Why?!
J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.
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Lindsay: Well, I think stress is what leads to trouble. You know the kind you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A?
Michael: Minus. And an A gets him ice cream. He knows that.
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Michael: All I'm saying, Lindsay, is that, you know, you might want to push her a little bit because a kid without discipline can get into some pretty tough stuff.
Lindsay: So, you think she's going to suddenly turn to drugs because she got a C plus?
Michael: Minus. And yes, I think that without boundaries, a kid can get into trouble, and yeah, sometimes that can mean drugs.
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Michael: A minus, huh?
George Michael: Proud of me?
Michael: Very proud. Minus. Better go hit the books. Get up there.
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Michael: You knew the whole time, didn't you?
George Michael: Well, sort of. One of the Hot Cops is my choir teacher.
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Maeby: "C minus." C m-i-n-e-s.
Lindsay: Did you even study?
Maeby: No, I didn't.
Lindsay: Wow. How impressive is that?
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Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.
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Lucille: I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.
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Maeby: (working with Lucille) This is so much fun. I can't believe my mom thought being here would be a punishment.
Lucille: Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers.
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Michael: You mean you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons?
George Sr.: It was my last lesson.
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Gob: What? Oh, no! It's the cops! Oh! And a ... Construction worker.
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Gob: (about the hot cops) These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'til the last possible moment before they strip.
Michael: They're not going to strip, are they?
Gob: I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.
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Lindsay: (about the broach) You know I wanted that.
Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant. And I didn't want to invite the comparison.
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Michael: I want the guy with the one arm and the fake blood. J. Walter Weatherman. How do I get a hold of him?
George Sr.: Well, he's, uh, dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner on.
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Michael: He's lying to me. Can you believe that? Where the hell is this family's morality?
(A puff of smoke suddenly comes out of Gob's mouth)
Gob: I don't know.
Michael: What?
Gob: It's cold out here.
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Buster: (about Lucille 2) And her nausea's gotten really bad, too. It's really been difficult on us. It's definitely taking its toll.
Michael: Well, you know, you're free to go, pal. It's not like you made a commitment to this woman.
Buster: Well, I didn't make a commitment ... I did refer to it as our nausea. But you know, that's when we were going at it really hot and heavy.
Michael: Well, now it's my nausea.
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Michael: Tell you what. I'm going to give you the cash, but in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.
Gob: My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry.