Pier Pressure

Season 1, Episode 10, Aired

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    • George Michael: Well, I think we're okay. Michael: We are. I mean, you know that there's nothing that you can't be totally honest with me about. I mean, you could say anything to me, you know? Anything at all. George Michael: Like, say I had a crush on my own cousin. Michael: Hey! You just taught me a lesson. All right, we're even.
    • Drug Dealer: You set us up! Gob: No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are!
    • Buster: It-it's for my girlfriend. She's sick. Gob: Why don't you just wait it out? She's gonna be gone soon.
    • George Michael: But it wasn't for me. Michael: Then who was it for? Who? Give me a name. George Michael: Okay, it was for me. Yeah. I was gonna smoke the marijuana like a cigarette.
    • Gob: Now, we wait. George Michael: How long? Gob: Who knows? An hour ... maybe five. Derek: Drug delivery. You wanted some marijuana?
    • Gob: George Michael. You weren't followed, were you? George Michael: No, I don't think so. Gob: All right, kid ... let's deal some drugs.
    • Buster: I really appreciate you doing this for me. You're making a very miserable person happy. George Michael: She really feels awful, huh? Buster: Oh, I was talking about me. But yeah, she's a mess. Be careful.
    • Lindsay: I see. Fine. I was going to take her out for ice cream, but if you'd rather stay here. Well, that's just fine with me. Maeby: Well, we can go get some ice cream, Gangee. That would be fun, right? Lucille: I don't think so. That chubby little wrist of yours is testing the tensile strength of this bracelet as it is.
    • George, Sr.: What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath. Michael: It's Tuesday. George, Sr.: Shh.
    • George, Sr.: Tonight? No, it's Yontif, the first night of Yom Kippur. Michael: Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September. That's okay. You've only been a Jew for about two days.
    • Michael: Get that the hell out of this house! What's the matter with you? Gob: Maybe you should save the lectures for your son. If he can remember them.
    • Michael: Oh, no. This can't be from my son. Gob: Well, it is his handwriting. Plus, he left me $200. $100. 100 -— I accidentally said 200. Michael: This is impossible. Why would he do this? Gob: I know. You know? I was shocked. I mean, really, $100. You can't get good weed for a hundred bucks.
    • Lucille: Ah, yes. The week we had the au pair. You know, your mother always wanted this broach. Maeby: Really? Lucille: Do you want it? Maeby: I do now. That'll show her for trying to punish me.
    • Michael: Find something to do. Go make mistakes. Get in trouble. Be young.
    • George Michael: Oh, yeah. Dad told me to take the day off so I decided to come in to work.
    • George Michael: Yeah. But if I fail math, there goes my chance at a good job and a happy life full of hard work, like you always say.
    • Maeby: Are you serious? What could you possibly come up with that would punish me? Lindsay: Oh, I have to come up with another thing?
    • Lindsay: You are now punished. I punish thee.
    • Lindsay: Okay, look. I know you got a crocodile in spelling, but this has gone too far.
    • Lindsay: I'm not signing this. Maeby: Fine. I will. Is Lindsay with an "A" or an "E"?
    • Maeby: D plus. Sign this. Lindsay: This is a D minus. Maeby: Well, either way, it's above a D right? Lucille: Another world beater.
    • Narrator: Later, Lucille stopped by the model home to enlist her daughter's help cataloging her valuables. Lindsay: I can't. Lucille: Why not? Lindsay: Because I'm ... Don't want to.
    • Michael: I can't help you, Mom. I've got a job. I've got to make some money so you can buy more things and destroy the evidence. Lucille: You're right. I'll ask Lindsay.
    • Lucille: I need a favor. Michael: We ought to put that on our family crest.
    • Gob: I need a favor. Michael: What happened to "Hello. I need a favor"?
    • Michael: Well, those lessons worked, didn't they? I mean, we still leave notes to this day. Lindsay: Oh, that's what that was about. I thought he was trying to get us off of dairy.
    • George, Sr.: Why?! If someone had left a note, this innocent man would still have his arm! Why?! J. Walter Weatherman: And that's why you always leave a note.
    • Lindsay: Well, I think stress is what leads to trouble. You know the kind you put on George Michael, even when he gets an A? Michael: Minus. And an A gets him ice cream. He knows that.
    • Michael: All I'm saying, Lindsay, is that, you know, you might want to push her a little bit because a kid without discipline can get into some pretty tough stuff. Lindsay: So, you think she's going to suddenly turn to drugs because she got a C plus? Michael: Minus. And yes, I think that without boundaries, a kid can get into trouble, and yeah, sometimes that can mean drugs.
    • Michael: A minus, huh? George Michael: Proud of me? Michael: Very proud. Minus. Better go hit the books. Get up there.
    • Michael: You knew the whole time, didn't you? George Michael: Well, sort of. One of the Hot Cops is my choir teacher.
    • Maeby: "C minus." C m-i-n-e-s. Lindsay: Did you even study? Maeby: No, I didn't. Lindsay: Wow. How impressive is that?
    • Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you? George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.
    • Lucille: I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.
    • Maeby: (working with Lucille) This is so much fun. I can't believe my mom thought being here would be a punishment. Lucille: Oh, she thinks I'm too critical. That's another fault of hers.
    • Michael: You mean you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons? George Sr.: It was my last lesson.
    • Gob: What? Oh, no! It's the cops! Oh! And a ... Construction worker.
    • Gob: (about the hot cops) These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'til the last possible moment before they strip. Michael: They're not going to strip, are they? Gob: I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.
    • Lindsay: (about the broach) You know I wanted that. Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant. And I didn't want to invite the comparison.
    • Michael: I want the guy with the one arm and the fake blood. J. Walter Weatherman. How do I get a hold of him? George Sr.: Well, he's, uh, dead. You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner on.
    • Michael: He's lying to me. Can you believe that? Where the hell is this family's morality? (A puff of smoke suddenly comes out of Gob's mouth) Gob: I don't know. Michael: What? Gob: It's cold out here.
    • Buster: (about Lucille 2) And her nausea's gotten really bad, too. It's really been difficult on us. It's definitely taking its toll. Michael: Well, you know, you're free to go, pal. It's not like you made a commitment to this woman. Buster: Well, I didn't make a commitment ... I did refer to it as our nausea. But you know, that's when we were going at it really hot and heavy. Michael: Well, now it's my nausea.
    • Michael: Tell you what. I'm going to give you the cash, but in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime. Gob: My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry.

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    • Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you? George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter. George Michael was a British singer-songwriter. He was half of the pop duo WHAM! and sang hits like Faith as a solo artist.

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