Arrested Development

Buster: Whoa, whoa, whoa! We are not allowed to have candles in here. Mom would freak. Lucille: Oh, no, it's fine. This is America, baby. You pray how you want.

Shannon: You're the pig. Two strikes, you are out. Gob: Oh, listen, Shannon, please, it was a one-time thing. I'm not going to even hear from her again. (Phone rings) Oh! Who is Edna W.?

George Michael: Uncle Gob? Gob: George Michael? What are you doing at a high school dance?

Michael: Listen, um, I blew it, ok? I had to see you. I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I have to do the right thing. Ms. Baerly: You're going to tell George Michael the truth? Michael: Oh, that's your definition of the right thing. Uh, I kind of thought is was to make a big dramatic entrance and tell you that I wanted to see you. Ok, I'll get right on that.

Steve Holt: Whoa. Sorry. Students only. Maeby: Oh, so you're not letting him in because he doesn't share your perfectly shaped nose, your round eye-shaped eyes, your strong square jaw? Steve Holt: Thanks. You want to dance? Maeby: Yeah. Steve Holt: All right, come on. Maeby: Steve Holt!

Buster: You're trying to steal from the wrong man. Watch your back, my little immigrant friend.

Ms. Baerly: He knows we're going out. He saw me this morning. Michael: No, no. I covered that. I told him that you slept with my brother. Ms. Baerly: That may be the most unethical thing I have ever heard. Michael: Well, you've only been doing this half a semester. Look, it was a preemptive strike. My brother would have tried to sleep with you.

Ms. Baerly: Wow! Did you make this for me? This is so sweet. I love Hussein. Michael: You mean, you're interested in him. Ms. Baerly: Oh, yes. He is a monster. Wow, where did you find this one of him in a Speedo?

Maeby: Who's this? Buster: Oh, I'm sorry. This is Annyong. Annyong: Annyong. Subtitles: Hello. Buster: My mom bought him. She's making me register him for school. He's my new little brother. Maeby: So, we're related. Hey, do you want to go to a dance? George Michael: Oh, great, another uncle to compete with.

Narrator: So, George Michael, still angry at Gob, sought out the family expert on making trouble. Maeby: I know he was dating that girl Shannon. George Michael: The cheerleader? Maeby: Yeah, she's probably going to take him to that stupid Diversity Dance. I wish I had someone shocking to take. You know, I actually called Mr. Daniels and asked him, but he got all out of breath and dropped the phone. I never heard back. George Michael: You know, maybe we should go together. All right, I mean, it's a bad example, I just ... but should we?

Michael: Don't you think you should be taking somebody your own age to the dance, like your cousin? Bad example, but ...

George Michael: Why would he do that? Why would Gob sleep with my Ethics teacher? Michael: Probably just to get even with me. George Michael: How would that be getting even with you? I'm the one that likes her. Michael: Right. Right. No, I know. You and I know that, but Gob, you know, he's not that exact of a target shooter. He just kind of sprays it everywhere.

Ms. Baerly: Oh, hi. Hi, George Michael. I was just looking at this model home. I'm going to go home and think about it. I'm going to go home and think about it. George Michael: Dad, what was she doing here? I mean, she wasn't ... Narrator: Michael knew he had an ethical responsibility to tell his son the truth. Michael: Yes. Your Uncle Gob slept with her.

Michael: Again. Didn't like Nazhgalia. Gob: Really? Michael: Really. And good luck getting rid of her. Gob: Oh, please. Not a problem. She knows it was a one-time thing. Totally cool. (Phone rings) Michael: So romantic. Gob: Who's N. Bahn-Ahden?

Nazhgalia: I'm sorry, Michael. Gob: I'm sorry, too, Michael, but ... looks like we're even. You took something I liked, I took something you liked. Yeah. I (bleep)ed Nazbakalijan.

Lucille: Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least, I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell. Michael: Yeah. Mom, I just spoke to Social Services, and although they don't like to do this, if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child, and I would suggest saying what you just said to me. Don't change a word. They will take him back.

Ms. Baerly: I don't know. I mean, they just threw this class at me after Mr. Daniels had a stroke. Michael: Oh! (Both laugh) I had him; Mr. Daniels. How is he? Ms. Baerly: Oh, he, you know, had a stroke. Michael: Oh. I thought you were joking.

Ms. Baerly: Welcome. I'm Miss Baerly, the Ethics teacher. My goal is to teach your children about the preciousness of life that can be lost by the mindless pulling of a trigger. Michael: Mmm. No ring.

Lindsay: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother. Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.

Cindi Lightballoon: Mr. Bluth, I'm Cindi Lightballoon. I've studied all your teachings, and I've purchased every tape, and I watch them over and over... I've also lost four pounds on your low-carb Bluth Banana Jail Bars. I've come to learn at your feet. George Sr.: That's a good place to start.

Narrator: But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in.

Gob: This is Shannon, the girl I've been telling you all about. Michael: Yes. Girl, indeed. Young girl. That's a young, young, young girl. Gob: Yeah. Well, she's 18, so it's, like...

Ms. Baerly: ... even minor crimes are punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand. George Michael: Oh. No ring.

George Michael: This is my Ethics essay. I'm supposed to write 200 words on the morality of war—whether a preemptive strike is ever justified. Michael: Absolutely. It's preemptive, you know? Happened before something else, so... if you can predict aggression, and you want to squash it... I don't know why you're not typing this. It's all good. George Michael: I'm not sure my Ethics teacher would love if I cheated on my essay. Michael: Well, you just passed my Ethics test.

Gob: Oh, Nagama, you've got a moustache. Michael: Hey. Gob: I mean, you've got milk on your moustache. I mean, you've got a milk moustache.

Narrator: Michael was sharing his bed for the first time in years ... unfortunately, it was with his younger brother, Buster.

Michael: What would Saddam do?

Ms. Baerly: Do you have a wife? Michael: Yeah, but she's dead. (they both laugh) Ms. Baerly: Have you ever been married? Michael: Yeah, she died. Ms. Baerly: Oh, God, why are we laughing?

Ms. Baerly: Sweet ride. Are you making dinner reservations? Michael: No, no. That was my mom. She just had a little Korean dropped off. Ms. Baerly: Ooh, that sounds good. Let's have that.

Lucille: I don't have the milk of mother's kindness in me anymore. Michael: Yeah. That udder's been dry for a while though, hasn't it?

Michael: I don't think us sleeping together is working out. You're a grown man. You should be living with your mother. Buster: Yeah. I miss mom. Michael: I can tell.