Michael Bluth had set up a meeting with Cal Cohen, owner of one of the largest parcels of land in Orange County. Michael assured Cal that he had an impressive company, but Cal was concerned with how the Bluths looked on last night's Scandalmakers, a show that re-enacted headline-grabbing stories. The family's story rights had been signed away by Tobias in exchange for the role of George Sr. in the show.
Michael assured Cal that the family was now scandal-free. Just then, a drunk Lucille interrupted the meeting. She had been drinking that morning because she misinterpreted the No Alcohol symbol on a bottle of medicine as a sly suggestion to have a drink. Concerned that somebody who was drunk at 1pm would land him on Scandalmakers, Cal ended the meeting. And Michael realized that it might be time to deal with his mother's apparent problem.
Michael suggested an intervention, but Lindsey reminded him that when they tried an intervention with Lucille last year, they all got drunk and had a great party. So Michael suggests rehab. Gob enters and Michael asks why he wasn't at the board meeting. Gob replies that it's Spring Break. Although he can't enjoy it this year since Phillip Lit ruined Gob's reputation by putting his magic show flubs from last year's Spring Break show on Lit's Girls With Low Self Esteem videos series. Lindsey railed against Phillip Lit and his videos, worried about the effect on her own daughter.
Maeby, having conned her way into a job at a movie studio, was ordered by her boss to head down to Spring Break and observe college students. She needed to see how they talked so she could fix the dialogue in the script she was producing, Young Man and the Beach, a takeoff on The Old Man and The Sea.
And so Michael set out to convince his mother he needed help. He presented her with the spa getaway he planned to give away as a promotion with Cal Cohen and suggests they go together. Then he takes her to a rehab clinic. And while Lucille was being held against her will, George Sr. was about to be confronted with a similar problem. Kitty had found him in the attic. She yelled at him because he abandoned her in Mexico and she only found out he was alive after watching Scandalmakers. Kitty ordered George Sr. to come with her and, when he hesitates, threatens to turn over the cooler of evidence she has.
Meanwhile, at the banana stand, Maeby was hoping to find some witty banter with which to authenticate her feature film. Nearby, Phillip Lit was making his latest video. Lindsey interrupted with her latest protest group, Girls With High Self Esteem. But after Phillip Lit argued that he was giving girls their only chance to be idolized, Lindsey's fellow protestors lifted up their shirts. Lindsey argued that this was no way to get the love they never got from their fathers, missing her own father passing by and being escorted by Kitty to a cheap motel. After handcuffing George Sr. to the bed, Kitty yelled at him for promising her power and a baby but never delivering. She took a Polaroid of him and then left. George Sr. was abandoned and longed for Lucille. And Buster felt the same way. Restless that night, Buster went to kitchen to find something to help him sleep when he came across Lucille's emergency stash of box wine, which he mistook for a giant juice box. It was the first taste of alcohol Buster had since he was nursing.
And Michael, his mother no longer a threat, met again with Cal Cohen. Seeing Michael as a good kid, Cal agreed to the deal. But just as Cal said as much, Kitty barged out of the elevator, flashed her breasts and told Michael she had a cooler full of evidence against his father. After showing him the Polaroid, Kitty tells Michael that she's going to bring down the company unless Lucille meets her at Senor Tadpole's at 4pm.
At home later, Michael got a call that Buster had been found drunk. Buster assures Michael that he's fine, so Michael turns his focus to Kitty, telling the family that they need Lucille out of rehab. Gob will have to help Michael sneak Lucille out of rehab. Upset by talk of Spring Break, Gob' escorts, Mom and objectifying women, Lindsey snaps and vows to start her own video series: Men With Low Self Esteem. Tobias, seeing this as a wonderful social statement and parody, decides to help out.
And so Michael went back to see his mom. He explained the Kitty situation and implored his mother to meet her at the bar. She agrees, on the condition that he gives her a real spa getaway. Twenty minutes later, Lucille was meeting with Kitty.
Kitty told Lucille she wanted the Bluth child she had been promised and that she knew Lucille had access to frozen sperm from George Sr. Years earlier, George Sr. tried an experimental hair growth drug and, fearing damage to his fertility, froze a sample in case he ever wanted more children. Lucille offered to square off against Kitty in a drinking contest for the sample.
Michael met up with Gob to try and find their father in one of the nearby motels. Gob thought he had a genius idea to switch coolers, but Michael pointed out that when she noticed George Sr. missing, Kitty would immediately check to see if the evidence was also missing. Gob began to feel worthless until Michael pointed out that the trick would work if the also had a decoy George Sr.
Inside Senor Tadpoles, Lucille was easily winning the drinking contest. Outside of the bar, Maeby was struggling to find actual words to use for teen dialogue in her script revision. Nearby, Tobias and Lindsey were trying to convince men to drop their pants for their rival video. Phillip Lit confronted them and Tobias yanked Phillip's pants down to see how he would like it. Only to discover that…Phillip Lit was also a Never Nude. Disgusted by Tobias and Phillip's sudden bond, Lindsey stormed off.
Gob and Michael continued searching for their father, finally stumbling on him. While Gob tried to vomit up a handcuff key that he swallowed earlier, Michael replaced the evidence cooler with the fake one, telling his father he was turning the evidence in anyway. George Sr. didn't care, claiming that the evidence would exonerate him. He was a patsy, as he said all along. Gob finally began to feel like a success, at least until he fell into a pool with the evidence cooler, ruining it.
Back inside the bar, Kitty was passed out. Later, Michael met up with Lucille. He told her about switching Kitty's cooler with the one from the banana stand freezer. Upset, Lucille told her son she was storing important things in there. And that's when Kitty found exactly what she was looking for. George Senior's sperm sample.