Arrested Development

George Michael: It's like you said. You can't change who you are. So what? So, I don't have any hair on my arms or legs. So what? You know, a leather jacket's not going to change that. You know, I was trying to act like a tough guy, and it's wrong. I'm just a boring, old nice guy like you. Michael: I'm not that nice.

Lucille: You know, he's damaged goods. He was born with a hole in his heart. Lucille 2: Listen to me, Lucille. I'm going to fill that hole 'cause we're in love. Lucille: Oh, please. You're no more in love with him than I am. Buster: Okay, we're all saying some things we're going to regret.

Lucille: Buster's been humping the widow Austero. Buster: Mom ... George, Sr.: Is that true? Buster: No. We're taking it slow. Lucille: He stays there sometimes until 7:00, 8:00 at night. Peanut brittle on his breath. Is she the one who's going to take him to the dentist? Buster: She already has.

Lucille: Why is there a piece of shoe on your head? George, Sr.: This is a ... Well, it's a reminder that the divine presence is always above me.

George Michael: Oh, you bought a chair. Michael: Uh, no. Actually, uh, I borrowed it, like we talked about. George Michael: Well, I thought we decided that was like stealing. Michael: Is that where we landed on that?

Maeby: Did you get a job or something? Tobias: No. No, I didn't. Unless you consider "world's coolest daddy" a job.

Lindsay: This just isn't you. Michael: It's me now. It's the me that can recline. (Michael leans back and falls off his chair) Lindsay: Did that hurt? Michael: No.

Gob: You're a good brother, Michael. Lindsay: You're a horrible brother, Michael.

Narrator: And so, for the first time, Michael set a plan in motion to take something that didn't belong to him. Michael: You know, I was thinking. I'd like to help you guys out one more time. You know what you should do? You should surprise Gob on stage. I know that he's looking for a new assistant.

Lance: May I help you? Tobias: Oh, I hope so. Um, I'm looking for something that says, "Dad likes leather." Lance: Something that says, "leather daddy"? Tobias: Oh, is there such a thing?

Tobias: Oh, Maeby, great news. I got my hands on some money. I can't say how or when ... or where my wedding ring is, but my purse overfloweth, as do my high spirits, so a-shopping we must go. Maeby: Dad, we already went.

Tobias: You have to be some sort of she-hulk to get this.

Michael: Great. Great. You know what, Gob? Marta is a once-in-a-lifetime woman. She's a treasure, and I don't think you're showing her enough respect, okay?

Michael: So, Rollo wants your legs, but you're cheating on Marta with those legs. Is that about right? Gob: Would you give me a break, please? The legs are insanely jealous.

Michael: Then, why does he want to break your legs? Gob: He doesn't want to break my legs. He wants to take my legs.

Michael: I don't know whether this guy's a mobster, a loan shark, something equally scary. Gob: Magician. Michael: I think you're confusing "scary" with "silly." This guy was frightening. He was in a limo.

Buster: Mom, you're ruining our fort!

Lucille: I'm so glad you're here. I want you to help me break up your brother and his girlfriend. Michael: Well, I'm all for that. We just got to find him first. Lucille: He's locked on the balcony. Michael: Oh, you meant Buster. I thought you were talking about Gob.

Rollo: If you care about your brother, you'll get in this car. Michael: Which brother?

Tobias: Well, I don't need money to hang out with my daughter. Where are you going? Maeby: We're going shopping. Tobias: Oh, no, no, I can't do that.

Tobias: There's my little girl. I've got great news. Daddy has the entire day off. Maeby: But you have every day off ... You don't have a job.

Maeby: Your legs look exactly like mine, and I just shaved mine. George Michael: So, I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle.

Lindsay: You are too nice. Michael: Oh, come on, what was I supposed to do, tell her that Gob is not staying here? Tell her that Gob is screwing around on her, God knows where he is? Actually, that-that sounded okay.

Michael: Well, he hasn't been here. Marta: But he said he was staying here. Oh, my God. Maybe he's staying with another woman. Michael: No, no, no. No, no, no. No, he is staying here. I just haven't seen him here ... the foyer, or the kitchen. Marta: Well, that's a relief.

Gob: Real needle, real apple. Real neck. Amable: He's a zombie! Marta: They're children! How could you do that? Gob: Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done.

Marta: I was just looking for Gob. Michael: Well, you're his girlfriend. Narrator: Michael wished Marta was his girlfriend, a secret he had only shared with Lindsay. Marta: Actually, we had a big fight. He thought I was belittling his career, but I never would do that. Michael: Neither would I. What career? Marta: The magic? Michael: Oh, the tricks, the little tricks. Those are great.

George Michael: What are you doing? Michael: I'm doing a little cost projection analysis for a mini mall. George Michael: Wow, that's pretty cool you know how to do all that stuff. Michael: Yeah, maybe your old man's just a little bit cooler than you thought he was, huh?

Cab driver: Where to, mate? Tobias: The Gothic Castle. Cab driver: Gothic a**h*le? Tobias: That's what I said!

Rallo: Tell me, where did you get two alliance approved assistants on such short notice? Gob: Oh, no, that was just my girlfriend and my nephew! Rallo: You're back out.

Michael: I'm a saint, you know. I'm a living saint, and I get absolutely nothing out of it. Lindsay: Well, you get a false feeling of superiority. Michael: That is nice, but this time it's not enough.

Buster: And I'm going to continue dating, Mom. Michael: It sounds a little bit like dating Mom. Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.

Lucille: Oh, don't give me that look. I happen to be a more caring mother than most. Buster: Where's my bed? Lucille: I put it in storage.

Lucille: (about Lucille 2) She changed him as a baby! Michael: Ok, that's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard. Buster: That's why she didn't look surprised.

Michael: Call me what you want ... Lindsay: An impotent man-boy.

Lucille: You're the only one who chose a spouse I liked and she had to die. Michael: I know, that's rough for you.

Marta: I can't believe the legs would screw him like this!

Michael: Mom, I'm looking for Gob. There's some people after him, and I don't know whether it's gambling or what, but they want to break his legs. Lucille: It's a good thing he's already got that little scooter!