Customer: My water?
Sofie Duran: I'm sorry. I'll get that for you right away.
Customer: I also asked for ketchup 15 minutes ago. And now my fries are cold.
Sofie Duran: I'll get you a new order.
Customer: How about you get me a new waitress? One who can actually do something right?
Gwen Munson: Do you know how much I want this child? No. No, no, no. Of course you wouldn't. Because you didn't want me or Cole.
Iris Dumbrowski: How could you say that to me?
Gwen Munson: Because kids know things, mom. And I knew by the time I was four years old that you'd rather be out dancing at some bar than at home cooking me dinner.
Iris Dumbrowski: Yeah, but honey, look how you turned out. I must've done something right.
Gwen Munson: You did a fantastic job. I knew how to use a microwave by the time I was five.
Henry Coleman: No, no, no, no. I mean, what is the sur --?
Vienna Hyatt: Oh, the surstromming. You've never had it? It's fermented herring.
Henry Coleman: Fermented?
Vienna Hyatt: Well, maybe that's not the right word.
Henry Coleman: Rotten?
Vienna Hyatt: Yeah, that's the right word.
Cole Norbeck: Yeah, right. So, my sister hates me and my girlfriend thinks I'm a loser. Thanks for making my day, Sofie.
Iris Dumbrowski: My baby's having a baby.
Gwen Munson: Knock it off.
Iris Dumbrowski: Do you know how happy it makes me?
Gwen Munson: I have a pretty good idea, yeah.
Iris Dumbrowski: Yeah. Oh, obviously I'm not the only one, huh? Looks like Barbie's staking her claim. You know, she may not be giving any money to Will, but I'm sure she's going to dole out some serious cha-ching for the baby.
Uncredited speaking parts include a staring man at Al's diner and a customer at the Lakeview.