Bakemonogatari Season 1 Episode 4

Hachikuji: You're horrible! I'm telling the PTA on you!
Araragi: The PTA?
Hachikuji: The PTA is an amazing organization! Araragi-san, you're just an underage civilian with no authority! They'll lay you flat with a fingertip!
Araragi: With just a fingertip? Sounds scary.

Senjōgahara: (on "PTA") ... It's also an abbreviation for the medical term "percutaneous transluminal angioplasty." I don't think that's what you need, so it must be "Parent Teacher Association."
Araragi: You know everything, don't you, Senjōgahara?
Senjōgahara: It only seems that way because you're so unlearned and incapable.

Araragi: But you're lost, aren't you?
Hachikuji: So what?
Araragi: Well, uh, Hachikuji... For future reference, it's best to ask someone for help when that happens.
Hachikuji: Maybe I'd do that if I was like you and didn't believe in myself. You can ask people for things until you feel satisfied, but I feel no need to do that. For me, this is just like using an everyday vending machine!

Araragi: (thinking) I can't treat Hachikuji like she's just a stupid kid. Man, what do I do? (speaking to Hachikuji) Young lady, I'll give you an allowance.
Hachikuji: Yahoo! I'll tell you anything!
Araragi: (thinking) She's just a stupid kid.

Hachikuji: Touring has to be on a motorcycle. What a pity.
Araragi: School rules say that I can't get a license. Anyway, motorcycles are pretty dangerous. I'd rather have a car.
Hachikuji: Really? But if you do it that way you'd be "four"ing.

Hachikuji: Speaking of which, Arararagi-san...
Araragi: That's one too many!
Hachikuji: Sorry, I stuttered.
Araragi: Stop stuttering and making things sound bad.
Hachikuji: I can't help it! Everyone stutters. Or have you never stuttered in your life?
Araragi: I can't say I haven't, but I almost never do it with people's names.

Araragi: Why are you so scared of Senjōgahara?
Hachikuji: I feel like she hates me. It feels like she thinks I'm in the way and she wants me to disappear.
Araragi: I don't really think it's that extreme. Hey, Senjōgahara.
Senjōgahara: What?
Araragi: Do you hate kids?
Senjōgahara: I hate them; I loathe them; I'd like it if they all died.

Araragi: Wait, huh? Senjōgahara, isn't that line a little different from before?
Senjōgahara: Huh, I guess.
Araragi: What's up with that? Oh, that's right. You mentioned urban renewal. Maybe it's because of that?
Senjōgahara: No, that's not it. It's not like the old roads are completely gone.

Hachikuji: I guess it's impossible, because we can't get there no matter how many times we try.
Araragi: Hachikuji?
Hachikuji: I'll never find my way there. I'll never make it to where mommy is, because I'm a lost snail.

Araragi: Do you know where it is? Maybe I should go.
Senjōgahara: It doesn't make me happy that you're worried about my memory being as poor as yours. If anything, it's enough to make me sad.

Hachikuji: ... And even if I call her "mommy," it's sad because she's not mommy anymore. "Tsunade" was my last name until third grade. When daddy took me, I changed it to "Hachikuji."

Araragi: No, it's nothing to laugh at. From the second time on, victory is just hollow.

Hanekawa: You look scary, Araragi-kun.
Araragi: Hanekawa?
Hanekawa: Now you look surprised. Well, I guess that's an improvement.

Hanekawa: Of course you shouldn't get violent. And if you're going to spank a child, you need to tell them why so they understand.
Araragi: Talking to you is really like studying.

Hanekawa: You were asking me a lot about Senjouagahara before, weren't you? So that's it! That's how it works!
Araragi: Man, you can fantasize about those things even better than yaoi fangirls.
Hanekawa: Yaoi? What's that?
Araragi: It stands for "no climax, no conclusion, deep meaning."
Hanekawa: That sounds like a lie. I'll check it out later.

Araragi: There's something even you don't know?
Hanekawa: Didn't I tell you? I only know what I know. Anything else, not at all.

Araragi: Sunday, May 14th at 14:15:30--the moment I got Senjōgahara's phone number.